Tuesday, July 12, 2011

{july 12, 2011}

*we're just basically a month away from school starting back
 {insert big, sad sigh here.  and, maybe a tear or two.}

*the intense heat...well, let's just say every evening when i'm out
shooting, i pray that either i or my client{s} do not have a heat stroke.
i'm not kidding on that one.  i've been scared twice now.

*back to that pesky 'back to school' topic.  my heart is sad.  i feel
like i have had anything but a laid back summer with the boys.
there is still hope though. 

i have a session tonight and next week and then
one more wedding and that is it until school starts.  but, i have 4 orders 
pending {well, 6 now as 2 came in when i pushed this aside to
go complete a session}, 6 edits, a bridal edit, 7 wedding edits,
a flush mount wedding album, sneak peeks and a
new website to get up and running.  
 and, all of that with me basically working around the clock. 
oh, and two legal reviews that i need to start/complete.  

*here's going back to that hope part.....IF i can work at a crazy
pace for about 12 days, that will leave me with about 3 weeks of 
a slowed-down workload.  things are still completely up in the
air re: scott's trip to virginia.  i shouldn't be shocked i suppose?
the boys are BEGGING to go on vacation.  and, honestly, at this
point, i'm just not sure i have it in me.   my dream vacation right 
now is just to have one on one time with them.  

at home.

*i did take sunday off.  and despite fighting periodic panic attacks
throughout the afternoon because of all i knew i should be doing...
 it was such a great day.  very simple.   very perfect.  very few
and far between - which i need to change.  church.  after worship,
scott and i snuck out for lunch together as i had a horrific headache
and needed to take ibuprofen.  picked up the boys, said hello to
sweet friends, ran a  few errands {scott took care of those while
i sat in the car}.  a movie {zookeepers, the boys chose and it was
very cute}. headed home after a few more errands.  and, then
i actually swam/cleaned the pool.  snuggled.  and went to bed fairly
early.  and, where is that rewind button?  i could stand to hit it a few times. 

*i have three birthday parties to plan. 
hmmmm...... we may just eat cake at home. ;)

*i lost a sweet family member this week.  breaks my heart.
unfortunately, i didn't get to go to her funeral yesterday because
of an MD appt for myself that i could not reschedule.   she
is someone who had such love for her family...it was tragic
to see her go.  another reminder how in a minute life can change. 
i've thought about her so much over the past few days.  if over my
lifetime, i can show my family a fraction of her selfless heart, i will have
accomplished a lot.  i am reminded in her loss how every second 
really, truly counts.  i can hear her sweet laugh.  how often to my
boys see me laugh?  through all that she shouldered for her family,
she never lost that beautiful laugh and smile.  her eyes were always smiling
no matter the chaos or pain that was swirling around her.  life is so incredibly
fragile. it really makes you focus on what is truly important in each
of our lives.  this is not the most appropriate time to write this based
on the above list of things on my to do list.  however, much of that
was absolutely out of my control due to the crazy weather this year.
much of it was within my control and was simply a matter of poor planning
on my part and overbooking.  between the combination of the two,
it's almost combustible, i think.  really, how perfect the timing
to dig myself out of this and me be even more diligent on what i say yes 
to.  and, i know!  i know i've written on this topic many, many times
before.  obviously, it's a very weak place for me.  but, it honestly
does simply come back to the place of what is important to me?
to us?  the things i may get myself caught up in that seem important,
if i put it through "the filter" probably aren't so much.  the things i worry about.
well, "He" has already covered that topic well, i just need to apply.
most of the things i would confess to worrying about really do not even
matter much.  i just want need to focus on the simple things.  i have
been blessed with my health, my family, friends who are like family to me.
so many blessings.  and, yet i find myself fretting over the background pattern
for the new website. maybe that is a poor example, but you know what
i mean.  little things can be such time stealers.  

 i want to enjoy my blessings every single day, because
as we all know, we are never promised tomorrow.  obviously, my
cousin was not.  but, in looking back over her life and even without
being at her funeral.........i know without a single doubt what she was known
for and what she will always be remembered for.  the love for her family.
and, i know there are "seasons" and simply busier times than others, but 
i NEVER, EVER want my boys to remember me for always working. 
a hard worker, yes, as long as it's in the proverbs 31 kind-of way.
but, if i can absolutely pour into their hearts and minds what is
truly in my heart and mind - i will have accomplished what i needed to. 
more often than not, the strive for perfection or being able to juggle 'it
all' has definitely gotten the best of me.  and, those around 
me unfortunately.  it's getting back to that "being still" thought process. 
and, yes, i will likely always have to work.  and maybe because of my personality
i may always be in the search for balance.   but, there is no time like
the present.  and, if i post several other posts on this topic, don't be
surprised.  i think this may be something i never really master.

i just want to keep my thoughts and heart on the prize. and,
that prize are those blessings i listed above. 

For what is your life? It is even a vapor, that appears for a little time,
and then vanishes away.

James 4:14

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