Monday, August 20, 2012

{i've fallen off the wagon}

I watched one scramble to catch up with his friends to
ride the shuttle bus to the Middle School campus. 
It was a very bittersweet sight to behold.  Tears sprung.

I kissed another one smack dab on the lips while
he would still let me and walked out with Scott.

 A new school.
A new year. 

Then, I strategically swung through the drive-through
at McDonald's and ordered a fully loaded sweet tea to
drown my sorrows in.   I will be sipping this
glass of sugar for the next few hours. 

It may make me feel a little better.


I will be back later for a happy post.
For now, I want to wallow.  

Sunday, August 19, 2012

{ba humbug!}

to the end of summer.

But, I will put on my happy face for them and
embrace the beginning of the new school year with a smile.  

Tonight, I may be quietly saying
ba humbug to myself a time or two.
Or maybe, three.  

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


I really wanted to write this when my mind was less
frazzled, I didn't have luggage to be packed, a house to clean,
and a list of MUSTS before we leave that door tomorrow, but,
I couldn't let the day pass without pausing for a minute to
celebrate today.   It is a big day for you, Honey!

Not only our we celebrating our 19th Anniversary, but
you are now 40!  I can't believe it!  Where has the time gone?
I have been very reminiscent over the last few days - if it took
just a blink to get us here, it places perspective on the blink we
have left together.  It simply goes so fast. 

I have to giggle because of how we have spent our day.
I have barely seen you on this anniversary of ours as the
original plan was to be celebrating it on the beach.  That
got scratched.  So, instead we both worked like crazy today
trying to get things in place to finally make it to the beach.

And, then, your BIG day.  I laugh again at how understated it has been.
It has been just how you want it.  When I think of what
you did {or, funded my friends to do for me last year} the comparison
is absolutely stunning.   Again, I have barely seen you because
you have taken advantage of a good day that you've had to
get us out the door.  Thank you.  Instead of a house full
of friends - you, me and the boys will be eating pizza,
brownies and sipping on a 2 liter of Mt. Dew tonight.   It
would make me horribly sad if I thought you were disappointed
at all, but you are not, this is how you wanted it. 

I think we've learned a lot over the years.  We should have
as we were mere babes when we first met! 
We've had so many ups and downs and I think we are
both at a place where we are very happy and content.  And,
most of all, still in love.  It's easy to get on autopilot and go through
the motions, but, I think we've grown in so many ways that 
we don't want to settle for that at all.  I found a perfect card
{even though you have not seen it yet, ha!} and I couldn't have
said it better myself....

"Remember the thrill of it all when we first started out?
Me, too.
But that was only the beginning. 

When we first fell in love,
we believed we'd always
feel exactly the same way,
every minute, day in and day out.

But, then learned
that love is a choice we make
again and again.

We choose each other
over all the distractions.
We say yes to tomorrow,
even when we're shaking our heads
over the way today might be going.

We decide that love
is what matters most.
For me, that means standing by
the best choice I ever made...

Scott Walker.

There is absolutely no one on this planet that I
could have imagined my life with but you. 

No one I would have wanted by my side when....

*I didn't always have the confidence that I could make it
through school with so many of the obstacles I had.
*Each job change or career path that was before me 
 - you were always by biggest fan.
*All the years I couldn't go to the cemetary alone, you
were there beside me.
*With each baby that we lost - you were my quiet comfort.
*When we were told we would never have babies - you
held my hand and then wiped my tears when they spilled
in that elevator in Little Rock.
*You did that same very thing in the hotel room in San
Fransicso - you wouldn't let me give up hope.
*You gave me the home of my dreams at
the mere age of 23  - and told me this is where we would
grow old (& we are thankfully!}.
*You held my heart through our adoption process.
*You held my hand through our delivery.
*You wiped my tears when I lost my sweet Grandpa. And,
you totally got why my heart was so sad for so long and
often wanders back to that place.
*You have told me the sweetest words I will ever hear
- that I am a great mother.

That is just a glimpse.  You truly hold my heart and
I am excited with the direction we are going.  We continue
to defy those odds we were told after the accident. 
And, that makes me very, very happy!

I love you and happy, happy birthday!

{it's official}

I've got my 'traveling' outfit laid out for the wee hours.

A very important component for's all about being comfy.
Laying it out makes it official; that, and the fact I dropped the girls off.

I am praying that I can leave all of the work that will be left undone
behind me.  And, forget it.  REALLY forget it.  There are
late deadlines but, I am hoping the outcome of the time I spend on
the edits will soothe their frustrations.  I wish I could just have
a few weeks without the unexpected{S}....then maybe I could halfway stay
caught up.  That, and learning to use the naughty word of no. I have
worked like a madwoman but we got hit hard over the past week
with multiple illnesses and multiple requests that were not on the agenda.  
We should have left Sunday, but it will be Wednesday.
 I am hoping to forget it all boys {or my littles, as Dixie Delights calls
 them} simply deserve that.   I want to there present with them 100%. 
 I have one night of sessions, but that is it.  This time, I plan on dumping that
 last trip on its head in comparison.  I need to "be" and "be still" with them
in a tremendous way for not only my heart, but my sanity.

Well, I'm wrapping up my have-tos and hope to be in bed at a decent
hour and then we will begin our last hurrah for summer.  Sad
to see her go, but am going to squeeze every last bit out of
her that I can.    Be back soon!!!

Friday, August 3, 2012

{behind closed curtains}

Unless you show up unexpected, you would never know
that all of this stuff for the studio sits haphazardly
behind closed curtains.  Those curtains save me.

These pictures do not even do justice to the overload. 
And, some of the overload has already flowed into the barn.
There is no room left in the inn.

Garage doors:  check

Heating and air:  check

Electrical:  check

Insulation:  begins tomorrow

Barn doors:  begin next week

Walls start going up: in one week.

Soon, maybe soon, this storage room will revert to
days long ago when it was a simple dining room. 

And, for clarification, most of anything in there that is bright is
actually just a prop besides the rugs and they are in various
places such as entry, bathroom, etc.  Everything else for the
studio {in the boxes} is very light and airy. 

A wee bit excited...  

{the shopping experience}

I wish I could avoid.

Back to school shopping.

That first day bell ring is looming.

Sales Tax Free weekend begins tomorrow.

I went ahead and plunged today. 

Very, very sad face.

As the boys race past me just now wrapped
in their wet towels from the pool.


{a new beach has been discovered}

First, I am about to surmise that a relaxing beach vacation
is not in the plans for us this year. 

Tropical Storm Ernesto is gaining strength and expected
to hit the Gulf of Mexico early next week.
The Gulf that we are suppose to be in early next week.

At, this point it is a wait and see because the path is unknown.
Will it turn to the left?  Turn to the right?  Convert its power
into a hurricane as expected?  Dissipate? 

That kind of unknown makes it a bit difficult to plan.
I feel de ja vu from last September. 
We decided last minute not to go. 
According to our friends, it was probably for the best.

To go or not to go?

While I'm on the subject of beaches, let
me share another favorite summer find of mine.

Instead of actually going to the beach,  I may have to simply resort to eating
one.   Pure yumminess in my spoon!
I may be living on this beach all winter long.

{picture per Amazon}

Over the summer, we have really worked hard at a new eating plan.
We have all lost of bit of weight {except skinny E, he's on the low side anyway,
so I have to make sure he gets enough calories!}
Our eating plan has simply been healthier with attempts to steer away
from all of the processed foods and lean more into natural, increased
whole wheat, more fruits and veggies, organic,  etc. 

Noah has done extremely well with this, we are so, so proud!
And, he is very invested in the change as he is currently
asking questions, making wise choices, eating so well.
By no means is he on a diet, just a complete diet change.
He loves Kashi cereal and I found this flavor on Amazon. 
The boxes are smaller, but apparently still contain what you would
get in other boxes just without all of the air as it is very compacted. 
A bit pricey, but I'd rather pay extra for something more
wholesome for the boys than have them eat more inexpensive junk. 

Oh, my goodness!  It tastes so much like no bake cookies it is unreal. 
Given, a 1/2 cup of this awesome stuff has 230 calories, but when
paired with skim milk and a piece of fruit it's all good. 
And, it's so dense it is very filling.  Super high in fiber and high
in protein as well. 

Very, very good, I might add.  
In more ways than one.
Which makes it even better.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

{I can only smile}

This was my devotion tonight after that lengthly play by play of
my frustrating below:


I  think KNOW not.

Nite girls! 

I am going to bed early tonight,

it's a bit BEFORE two.

{1:56 am not 11:56 as my posting time says}

{these are the days, right}

that I want to remember.


Well, for the sake of remembering when I am no longer capable,
I'm going to dissect my day.

The good, the bad, and the ugly.  

Let me preface this by providing a little background knowledge.
My hectic pace of sessions is over for a while.
I had been so looking forward to the week that began for me
on the calendar Saturday morning.

Saturday morning arrived and I was SICK.
Really, really sick. 
I succumbed and melted in the couch for the entire
day.  I tried my best to embrace it realizing I was
probably getting some much needed rest, but my
horrendous headache kept reminding me this was
not a chosen day of leisure. 

Sunday was better, but still far from great.
The fatigue and congestion were overwhelming.
I again, gave in.
What choice did I have?
I remained down for the day as a huge wedding
was looming for Saturday in which I had to be 100%+.

Monday: much, much better.
Instead of getting to work on all of the things I
had planned on being crossed off over the weekend,
I ran errands. 

Lots and lots of errands.
I was too wiped out by the end of the day
to accomplish anything on my work list.
But, I tried and worked very hard into the
night to get the house ready for a little
get-together for my Bible study for Tuesday morning.
I kept noticing nausea, but it would get better  but
it finally got to the point it was wickedly relentless. 

Stomach bug. 

I finally went to bed at 4:30 am.
My alarm went off at 6 - horribly sick.
I later starting texting messages that we would
have to rain check the day. 

I stayed in bed not even moving to the couch until 10:30 am.
Another day gone.

Again, the wedding weekend was looming but I also
needed to complete A LOT before hitting the road
in the wee hours of Sunday morning.
I was quickly running out of that lovely white space on my calendar.

Wednesday, another complete day of errands and have-to's
away from my desk.  More car trouble,
swung my mechanic.  Easy fix.  I finally arrived back home at 10:30
 or so last night.  I worked by simply returning messages, assembling wedding
 packages, etc until about 2:00 am.  That is  the prelude to today.

At this point, I am beginning to panic in a huge way.  But, today,
I have to be NO WHERE except make a late afternoon delivery.


My alarm went off at 6:01 am {that ":01 is another story for another day}
Having gone to bed at 2:00 am, I wasn't doing too well with the
whole alarm going off thing.  Not one little bit.
I roll out of bed at 7.  Check email and read my local blogs.
Heart is crushed, realized I failed to get Noah to Secret Church last
night.  Decide not to even tell him. :(   Declare myself
as the absolute worst mom in the world.   

 I go to my car to retrieve a package.
I spy Kit Kat, Evan's beloved.  Sick feeling
in my stomach as something has just not been "right" with
her for about two days.  Still eating and drinking, but something
is amiss.  So, I sit on the back porch with her to observe.  

After about 30 minutes, I felt even more sure of my thoughts
although nothing to back it up.  I have no clue what the
respiratory rate for a cat should be, but I knew hers was up.

Call to vet.  Appointment made for early afternoon
as they agreed she should come in.  

Boys up, breakfast made.

I make myself ignore the kitchen.

To desk about 9 am: complete an order, return
numerous messages and emails.  Schedule appointments
after multiple conversations and date changes.  Work
on creating my must do to do list that must be completed
before departure on Sunday. 


Calls to arrange car repair for tomorrow.  Different car.
Expensive repair.  Text client  re: the potential effect of car repair on
Sunday's out of town trip. Converse with client via text of the
potential effects of the tropical storm that is swirling out there
 and may be headed for the Gulf of Mexico.  

Hmmmm.......that may throw quite the kink.  Too early
to make a decision.   Will be tied toTWC for the next few days.
To pack or not to pack?
Search for a final light for the studio that is needed.
Give up.

11 am: shower and ready for the day.

12:15  lunch for boys. 

12:45: back to desk, answer more messages - plan
next edit.

12:55: gather KK with the assistance of Evan's special KK
call that only he can do and the only one she responds to. 
Place a very reluctant cat in carrier and head out.

Listened to cat crying all.the.way.there. 

1:30-4 vet's office, dx:  virus.  Meds to administer. 

4:00: check voice mails and respond to messages.

4:10:  drive  on into town to pick up supper as I won't be home.

4:25:  head home with an exhausted, very quiet cat.

5:00 unload cat.

5:10 go through deliveries received from UPS, Fed Ex {x2 per Scott}
and the USPS.   Inspect portraits, several printing errors that will
require reprinting. {a VERY rare finding indeed!} Package portraits. 
Start communicating with client re: delivery location and time. j
No time to type up an official invoice, texted her the total per her request.
Format and burn and package her CD.  Fill out a print release. 

5:30 feed boys.  Instruct boys not to go outside and go through
our normal instructions as Daddy is down with a migraine. 

5:45:  head out for delivery.  Meet at Hobby Lobby.

6:10:  head to a car wash, stopped at Pier One and picked
up pillows for the studio, drive past car wash and go home.

7:00: arrive home.  Administer meds to cat {not an easy feat},
check barn progress today, feed and water chickens, get boys
set up to swim in pool. 

7:30: sit down at desk and begin to edit.

Stare at my to do list.

Feel defeated before the actual defeat.
8:00 remember I need a sample of my desk to have paint
matched per builder.   Unable to get into desk box, enlist
Scott's help.  Phone call.  Answered more messages.
Received an order and conversed regarding same.
Returned a call inquiry about a wedding, confirmed
that I was booked for June 22, 2013.

8:15 :  realized I failed to get a wedding packet in the mail today as promised.
Print and assembled a new one.  Drive to Hackett, mailed.  Quick stop
at DG for laundry detergent and milk.

8:55: home, begin to edit again.

12:55 still editing.  And, will be as long as my eyes will stay open.

Ugh! I feel like I am spinning my wheels and have been all week long.

In the art of full disclosure. 

My house has imploded.

But that sure is a cute little guy in the midst of the clutter.

The picture is only....

a portion of the kitchen.  

a portion of my house.

Hmm....there is some cat food there.

Dirty dishes. 

Paperwork that needs to be put away and taken to Sheila.    

Partially opened portrait packages that need to be inspected,
packed and mailed and/or delivered.  Tomorrow.

My new cute camera bag that arrived today in the
multitude of packages.

Cereal that arrived via Amazon. 

A greatly overflowing trashcan.

A bridal portrait that needs to be framed.

A bridal portrait that needs to be delivered.  Tomorrow.

Okay.  I've been on the verge of being completely overwhelmed today.
Well, actually all week long.   I could totally tip in the direction.

But, see that gold frame back there with the scribbling?

Be anxious for nothing; but in everything through prayer
and supplication WITH THANKSGIVING make your requests
be known to God.   Philippians 4:6

So, I am going to ignore the incessant buzzing that 
the only load of laundry I have done for the day is finished
being washed.  We still have to dry.
  I am going to step away from my desk.
I'm going to forget that I have to be at Smith Chevrolet
at 7:00 am and be shuttled.

I know we all have hectic days.  I know we all have
hectic stretches.  But, I think I am so disappointed
in how it has been so polar opposite from all that I had
planned.  And, even more disappointed in my reaction
 to all of it.  It has really stunk at times and I've
pretty much thrown my sucker in the dirt more than once.

That verse up above.

It's true. 

It's the perfect plan.

I'm going to pray.
And, have my quiet time.

Because these REALLY are the days.