Monday, January 26, 2009


evan just ran up to inform me that jon and kate plus eight plus eight eight is on. ;)

{double take}

i just saw a FLY in my kitchen? forget that we are in the middle of a category 3-4 ice storm. a fly in my kitchen? at least it's a smart fly.

{this and that}

a quick update as I am trying to finish up one more report before the ice storm and possible power outages....

* the walker family has recovered for the most part. evan is still having some stomach complaints, but, with his other issues going on, who knows? i am hoping to start him back on his medication tomorrow. we were able to reschedule his ultrasound for this friday afternoon. we are hoping we get the results that afternoon instead of having to wait until monday. will let you know!
* noah is about to start the fun project at school - flat stanley. he chose cousin kat to send his stanley to - so stanley will staying with dave and kat in Mississippi. we are so excited! she will make this so much fun for him and in her email last night - she told me he would be needing a passport as he will be going on a cruise with them! how fun is that? this will be a great memory for him! so sweet of her to do it! so, you will have to tune back in for the adventures of our flat stanley. :)
* got a sweet card from my aunt j today - thank you so much!
* for those of you who asked as i had my dates wrong, noah's ACH appointment is the 17th, not the 13th? i could see me making an early trip unnecessarily. would not be shocking at this point.
* i'm gaining ground with work again. it's amazing what a full work day at your desk can do. no md appointments today! yea! now, if i can just keep electricity and somehow manage to make the remaining 4 appointments for the week without delays. it's those waiting rooms that get me everytime!
* i absolutely could inhale my boys! we were able to spend alot of time cuddling and snuggling this weekend - i soooo needed that. :) early this morning i couldn't sleep so i crawled in bed between both of them. lets just say i cried a lot of happy tears. i am so incrediably thankful.

Saturday, January 24, 2009


surely to goodness i am not in the first stages of pink eye. in both eyes. SCREAMMMMM!!!! forget the fact they are lovely to look at right now (not), feel itchy and painful (with other lovely symptoms i will spare you from), and that I am swollen under my right eye down past the tip of my cheek bone. let's not go back to my first bout with it ever this past summer that lasted almost 3 weeks because my tissue got infected. let's forget about the fact that i was in contact with a little one this past week who did not know he had it until after our time together.

i am already medicating. this will be okay!

Friday, January 23, 2009

{noah is in need of.....}

a joke book in the worst kind of way. poor thing! he tries so hard and is constantly making up jokes. problem is, not so funny! i tease him about it and he just comes up with another one. joke book is on the agenda for the upcoming birthday. it will spare us all.

another funny thing is that he came home last week and told me he needed a certain CD to take to school because he was going to be in the talent show in music. the next day. hmmm.........we were unable to locate the CD, so he thought he would just wing it, 'i'll be fine.' problem with that was that he didn't know many of the words. so, i gave him the talk about how proud i was that he was excited about it and wanted to do it, but, that this is not something you do the night before, he should have prepared for it, it was his responsbility to tell me about it prior to the night before, etc, etc, etc. and that we would shoot for next year. well, all the way to school the next morning he tried to talk me into running into WM prior to dropping him off so he could be in this talent show. nada.

later that week, we are driving back to school and once again he brings up the talent show. apparently, they had not made it to him in class the previous time, so he decided he would just do it that day enroute to school. again, no preparation, no CD, and i gave him the same speech.

well, it was a crazy day of MD appointments along with the fact i had sent him to school with an empty lunch box. don't ask. so, as i raced to school to take him lunch, i decided to just go pick up lunch for all of us and we would eat with him. a nice surprise! of course, he would be the last one out of class. so, as we waited his teacher came out, saw us and immediately came to me with a very concerned look and explained that his face was a little red from crying. she went on to explain that he was very upset because class was over before he had a chance to sing. she had called down to the music teacher and explained the situation to see if they could give him a chance the next week. his face was definitely a little tear-streaked, but he was so excited to see us that he forgot he was even upset! we had a great lunch and went on our way only to return a short while later to pick him back up. it was never mentioned or thought about again.

until today.

this morning was his first day back since tuesday and we didn't have a car rider with us, so we had a shockingly quite ride to school. it was a little concerning because i started having second thoughts that he should even be going. worried about how hard the day may be for him, etc. when i picked him up this afternoon, it didn't take long to understand that his day had gone well. he was beside himself. he told me what a great day it had been! how he LOVED school! how everything had worked out! etc, etc, etc. when i asked what had made today so great? you got it! he had performed. his music teacher approached him and offered him a whirl. he jumped at it! the little turkey got up and belted out a tim mcgraw song WITHOUT a CD or WITHOUT a moment of practice. he apparently invited some others up to share the spotlight with him, so an instant band was formed. he told me he actually did not know the song as well he thought he did, that he should have practiced and it would have been better with music and that none of there voices "blended" together like they should have. "but, it was still really good."

and, i'm really proud of him! i could have NEVER done anything like that. and, knowing N - I know he was likely very nervous, but, he did it! and, i think he learned a lesson about preparation. it's not such a bad thing. ;)

watch out Tim! my little bird is flying. ;)


Philip wrote a great post over on his blog Upward Point regarding our need to pray without ceasing. (I tried to leave a comment for both you and Sherry today, but, blogger would not allow me)
I think our hearts are very heavy with the news that has hit our church family this week; I have been devastated. I keep replaying in my mind what if it were Scott or I who received that news? It's heartbreaking, scary and just something you want to flee from as a parent. But, Philip is right, we need to pray without ceasing in everything & especially lift these precious families up.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

{the director}

or "bossy pants" as noah refers. i am cracking up as i sit here and watch the boyS play the Wii. noah has made it to a level on mario glaxy that evan will not attempt. so, he has resigned himself to commentator, director, coach, cheerleader, jury, judge and commander. right now i'm hearing "NOAH, tuuuuuuuuuurn, you're not gonna make it!!! GOOOOOOOOgetsomeairrrr! gogetsomeairrrrrrrrrrrr!" all it a very high-pitched little voice. he gets so upset with noah if he doesn't follow his directions "noah, now shake. shake it. shakkkkkkkke, it!!!! oh."

seriously, one of the moments I want to remember, noah wants to get rid of and evan wants to be in the middle of. funny!

{bouncing back}

the boys are getting lively again! very good thing. i'm on a roll with work, another very good thing. seeing that light. :)

{events of the day}

* rather uneventful today, which is a very, VERY good thing
* noah is much better, evan and I are getting there. scott still unaffected by the ugly bug that bit us. if he could just give me one more day before he succumbs, that would be GREAT.
* loads and loads and loads of laundry
* carpet that needs shampooed. i'll leave it at that.
* bouts of 15-20 minute stretches at the computer. some work has been accomplished, a single billing sheet sent in, but the fatigue is knocking me down hard. it's shocking.
* in conjuction with the above note about computer time, i've done something to my hip/back area that i somehow hurt last summer? i'm not certain if it was because i was literally down for 24 hours straight or the violence of the bug? i'm ignoring it though because it HAS to go away.
* if i can muster the strength (i sound pathetic, huh) i will start the disinfecting process tonight and may gather the strength to actually put the shampoo/hot water in the shampooer. then, i'll rest about 15 minutes prior to turning it on. the thought of pushing it, makes me need to lie down.

i'm really not kidding. :) but, i can see the light!!!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


AGAIN! i'm not even totally sure if scott remembered who all was involved - but, from what he told me - sharon, nick and mischelle and erin - so, if i missed anyone, i sincerely apologize. and, yes, i drug myself from the bedroom and saw the mass of goodies you drove out here. i lost it! i just can't thank you enough - it was thoughtful beyond words. okay, i'm crying again. it truly was the sweetest thing ever!

today has not been a good day at all. i am still not able to keep anything down and i think it's probably been around 15 years or so since i have had anything like this. i am having to take 800 mg of ibuprofen at a time (my liver will thank me later) for the aches. A huge praise is that scott has been awake or was easily awoken today when the boys or i needed things. i guess gettign that migraine over with last night was actually a good thing!

again, i just can't believe you girls went to all of that trouble. i so appreciate it and love each of you so much!

{3 down}

3rd one: me. this is a very wicked bug. officially in isolation. :(

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

{two down}

seriously, no. noah just came to me with complaints of a stomach ache and that he thinks he is going to throw up.

round two.

addendum added at 6:42 pm - it's hit. a small window of warning. another long night ahead i'm afraid. :(

{raw and unedited}

not that all of you do not get overwhelmed. i am very aware of the fact that soooo many others have alot on their plates too. but, right now, at this moment, i am frazzled. VERY frazzled. after a couple weeks of little sleep, sick kids, major health decisions to make, a coma-induced (not literally) husband. i think i am about to melt down. Or, maybe I already have?

i am soooooooo behind at work. i'm not certain i can ever catch up. and, knowing that i have attorneys waiting for my reports in order to submit their reports, just a tad bit of pressure there. sick child/children. no sitter because of sick child. no MDO because of sick child. photography, let's not even go there. heart attack. homework up to our eyeballs! seriously, how much can one do in the 2nd grade? supper that needs to be cooked. laundry that is still being down due to the lovely stomach bug that visited evan. baths that need to be given. about 8 hours (minimum) of work left tonight and yes it is 5:45 pm. sippy cups that need filled. noses that need wiped. animals outside that need to be fed and watered. a husband who has been at the MD or in that coma since he has been home. actually, i think he has a migraine, so we won't see him until morning. maybe.

and, please do not get me wrong, i am ever so thankful that i even get to deal with the above, because for a long time, i really didn't know when or if i would ever have little noses to wipe. so, i truly am THANKFUL. but, i am also not superwoman and i think i'm on the brink. my head hurts. but, i'm off to find something simple to feed the kiddos, go through the list and get them to bed and make a date at this location later to explain the electrolytes involved in true dehydration for that report that won't let me sleep.

sorry girls, i just had to vent. i am going to say a prayer and light a spring candle. that should fix it, right?

{sick little boy}

i just rocked the little one to sleep {& loved every second of it.} and, since he has long given up mid-day naps, a clear sign of how bad he is feeling. that cough yesterday, well, it is full blown respiratory something now. his vomiting stopped yesterday afternoon thankfully, although he still has an ongoing upset tummy with frequent trips to the bathroom. and, then the urinary problems are still in full force, i still have not been able to give him his new medication.

however, no fever thankfully, but, a coughing, hacking little boy who can't get much air through his stopped up nose.

i've accomplished nothing today as he has just wanted to be held. can't say no to that. another long night ahead as i have mulitple report deadlines right now. scott has been at an MD appointment since 7 am. well, my mil had to take him to hers and then on to his so i could stay home with evan. so, for this moment, it is very, very quiet.

the ultrasound is tomorrow, so please keep him in your prayers! i'll post the findings on thursday when i get them. again, i appreciate everything!

Monday, January 19, 2009


have you figured it out yet? when i am deliriously tired, i blog. and, i blog. and, then blog some more. i am unable to concentrate on medical defenses or pictures. brain dead. so, i keep fluttering away from my work to read. then, i panic and go back to my work. it's an exhausting affair.

but, i ran across this at some point in my travels and cannot even give credit where credit is due. but, i only had low fat ingredients in my stash, so i can only imagine how good this would be with the fully loaded stuff. YUM!

this is a SUPER easy mexican dip (i don't even have a name for it, so sad) so, name it what you want.

all it consists of is:

cream cheese (i used the 1/3 less fat choice)
black beans
shredded cheese (lowfat for me here too)

you would layer the above ingredients in that order and simply bake at 350 for 15 minutes until warmed through. i added some chopped cilantro and green onions on top and dove in with my baked chips.

also, the recipe i saw somewhere out there did not explain this - but, i did rinse and drain my black beans and also, i would probably drain off some of the straight liquid from the rotel on batch #2. in the picture i saw, it looked as if they just scooped it up after it baked into a serving bowl and mixed it together.

{it's all His}

as i drove to pick up noah this afternoon, i was overwhelmed. between baby harper, little drew holland, a precious 2-year-old from my hometown who is at ACH from a recent dx of leukemia and Jenna (another blogger from Arkansas) who has a newborn in NICU at ACH facing the same situation baby Harper is - completely overwhelming. It was even difficult to pray. So, I just sat and listened to the silence.

after a while I grabbed for the radio dial and there is was.....Steven Curtis Chapman singing and what he said was so true......"it's all Yours God, Yours God, everything is Yours." He spoke of the intense grief when they lost their daughter this past summer, the darkness, the questions. Of course, I pray that each of these families will have nothing but a great outcome. But, in this life, we are not guaranteed that and as a parent that is an extremely frightening thought. In every aspect, it is all His.

{please pray for harper}

it is SUCH a small world. I first read of this situation on my friend, Sharon's blog. I immediately went over and read the story and my heart was broken - at the time it was very grim news. This is a couple who worked through the valleys of infertility and overcame that with Harper's pregnancy. As far as I can tell, the pregnancy seemed very uneventful, so the problems that little Harper faced immediately after delivery were likely quite a shock. Arkansas Children's NICU was full, so she had to be flown to Tulsa. She is still in very critical condition, but stable. They are leaning toward cardiac problems, but she has been too critical to even begin the testing.

As I looked through her precious, sweet blog to get more of their "story" I ran across a picture of a family that I had photographed from Bentonville for the Celebrating Adoption program I'm involved in. They were also in the same Sunday School class. Again, a small, small world. I know that I can get really caught up in reading blogs and have to reign myself in from time to time, but, it can be such a powerful and amazing tool. There are literally hundreds of thousands of prayers going up for this sweet family right now - thanks to blogland. Even my very favorite blogs across the nation have linked onto hers.

So, please take a moment (or two) and click on the Harper button in the upper right and read the updates and please say a prayer. They truly need it!

{md report}

we just received a call from dr. d's office to check on evan. needless to say, between my delay in giving the medicine and the effects of the little bug he has acquired - it will definitely cause a delay in evaluating whether or not the medication will work. now the focus is on not letting him get dehydrated as his output from v/d and urinary will try to wreck havoc. so, he is on the famous brat (bananas, rice, applesauce and tea) diet with just clear liquids for the next 24 hours. although i have thrown some crackers in (he is so hungry) and so far he is managing to keep them down. so, unless something changes, they will check back in on thursday and hopefully we will be fully on board with the medication and have a good report from the ultrasound. we would have known wednesday, but, wouldn't it be our luck that he closes his office for a 1/2 day on wednesdays. does not surprise me at all.

he is cuddling with his daddy right now. and, no i did not just hear a cough and a sneeze. i reallllllly didn't. ugh!


i just covered a little boy's face with a thousand kisses. maybe a few more. there is a definite plus to having a sick child.

he has been still long enough for me to catch him. :)

{the events of the day}

laundry, laundry, laundry, lysol, lysol, lysol. i'm leaning to a full-fledged stomach bug as he has now developed fever and other issues. poor guy! thankfully it is not the medication, although the med will have to be placed on hold as there is no way he can keep it down. so, someday we may actually get to start a routine with it. dr. d is going to kill me!

and, you may want to skip over the blog for the next 24 hours. i will likely have alot of updates as my aunt j in OKC checks in frequently to see how he is doing. i haven't talked with her today, but, i know her. :)


and, to make a quick blurb about noah as the blog has tended to focus more on evan in these last days - noah is being the trooper he always is. thankfully, i do have that constant. although evan has had to have alot more attention over the last two weeks, noah has not seemed to mind a bit. bless his heart, he did have a bad dream early this morning and came to find me. when he remembered all of the commotion with evan last night, he opted to join his daddy on the couch. he explained to me that in having to go to school tomorrow (it was 5 am, so it was already 'tomorrow') that he really didn't need to pick up whatever germ evan has. he failed to remember that they were all over each other yesterday. yes, he would carry hand sanitizer if i would allow it. so, he will love his brother from afar today. :)

thank you noah for being such a sweet little guy. i love you {more}!

{poor evan}

1:11 am - he began a horrible bout of vomiting (in my bed). And, if that wasn't bad enough, I had to actually put him in a full tub to get him cleaned up. Nothing like your mommy freezing you to death at 1:30 am. I'm not sure at this time if we now have a pesky bug or if it could be the new medication? Regardless, he is pretty miserable.

I know it is so minor compared to what so many families are going through right now with their little ones. It's situations like those that will definitely put a positive twist to something like this. I hope he feels better soon, but, I am absolutely thankful that I get to take care of him at home in the meantime.

Sunday, January 18, 2009


today has been uneventful, which is a GREAT thing. although I was pretty bummed out about having to stay home today, I did get caught up on the recent sermons from our church thanks to the wonderful world wide web. so nice! and, i got so much out of them!
let's see, today i've been pj clad all day. love that.
i rummaged through my candle cabinet (sounds more elaborate than it is) and found the remnants of last years "the smell of spring". so, yes, i am burning a spring candle while i have a blazing fire in the fireplace. but, that's okay. & since shopping in person no longer exists in my life - i stocked up on candles and scents online today. i am set for many months to come!
i baked cc cookies for the boys. so worth it to see their excited faces! they think i make the best cookies although they see me break them apart in from the container purchased at wal-mart. it doesn't take much. and, i'm not too prideful to let them know how i do it.
evan has had a good day. i am hoping it continues until bedtime. (do pray that the med administration gets easier. we are definitely not getting our full dosage down)
i chose my life verse for the year (since I am just now catching up) & it was an easy choice for me: "Finally , brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praisieworthy - think about such things." Phil 4:8 {LOVE that!!}
i've made alot of changes for the photograpy this year. and, i feel really, really good about it. definitely not totally giving it up, but scaling back in a major way.
i just feel so blessed to have such great friends, a great family, a great church really can't ask for much more.
my ramblings for the day. ;)

{i'm just sayin'}

evan just ran into my office "wook mommie, i have a mustache when i'm still a son."

a chocolate pudding mustache. and, {melt} little does he know he will always be my son. that's one thing he can't grow out of, thankfully.


evan is actually having a better day. i did not start the new med until today, bad mommie i know. but, we picked it up late friday and i hate beginning a brand new med at night - because for us, all things seem to go wrong in the night. and, knowing i would be away most of yesterday - although he was in the care of my mom - i still wanted to have him with me when he started it. i make it sound like a horrible, side-effect causing medication & it's not. i think it's just the nurse in me and the knowledge of those pesky adverse reactions. been there, done that on both the small and large scale.

but, he is having a better day! so, maybe if we can actually keep getting it down him without acquiring pneumonia (it is liquid and he basically aspirates it everytime he takes it). so, for now, we are pretty much homebound as taking him out is still too much of a task. but, hopefully, this will take care of what it is and not simply mask it (my fear when it was prescribed, thus the agreement for the ultrasound).

but, he is in there playing with noah and poor scott is knocked out. he has not seen the light of day yet. but, a calm and pj clad day. i'm severellllly missing church - about to tune in to a past sermon as it is killing me that we are missing the topic at church right now. but, not too much i can do about it and thankfully there is audio!

thanks for all of the emails and messages, very, very sweet! i have been blessed with so many great friends!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

{4-year-old rationalization}

i just had a little grumpy voice come to me with accusations of losing his spiderman body (the one without the head). Keep in mind that he probably has at least five of those.

me: just how did I lose it?

e: told me de other day to pick up my room. and, i did and now it's lost.

me: and how is it my fault that you lost it?

e: betauuuuuuuse, you told me to clean it up. if i had left it messy it would still be there. so it IS your fault.

i'll spare you the lengthy discussion that ensued.

Friday, January 16, 2009

{little evan}

well, the improvement in his symptoms did not last, so we literally spent the day at the MD's offices between he and Scott. Still at a loss - I opted for an ultrasound for his bladder and kidneys next Wednesday instead of an immediate referral to Children's - a new medication was also started today. So.....I am desperately trying to NOT let my mind race. It's so hard though. Regardless, if his symptoms do not improve and the ultrasound is normal......we go to ACH. If they find something that is causing the problems........we go to ACH. Noah has his appointment there is a few weeks re: surgery. i'm a tad overwhelmed at this very moment, but, know that it will be okay. just keep them in your prayers.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

{sneak peek on the wrong blog}

okay, my AMC blog is down for at least 24 hours. my website is down due to an exciting upgrade. well, it's up, but, I can't upload anything new right now. but, i had to share these.....just a few of many..... miss emily kate


Day 2 - lost another pound for a total of 1.5! I know I'm not suppose to weigh myself daily, but, probably will. My points total was 24 again - so, i hit my extra points again. I did better on my water consumption, doubled it, but am no where close to being where I should be.

thanks for all of the comments! for those who are doing it or have done it - feel free to leave whatever advice you would like. i will take all that i can get. And, sweet Leslie - THAT is amazing! I know your busy, busy and your hands are overflowing, but if you even get a moment, whenever, please email me your tips and any great recipes you would like to share. I appreciate that!

Wednesday, January 14, 2009


day one down. point overage. i had 24 when i should have only had 20 - so, i used some from my bank - which i did not intend to do, but am allowed. the problem was..... i bought groceries and sampled too many of the new things. on the positive side, it was fruit that pushed me over - so at least there was some nutritional value to it. i did choose the grapes over the half eaten snickers noah left on the counter. so, that has to count for something right? ha!

todays goal(s): my h20, i did not get nearly enough in. but, more than i did the day before. and squeeze some form of exercise in.

wt status: -0.5 (yea!) i'm excited because after day one on my south beach stent, i would have gained 2. so, i will take any loss!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

{bits & pieces}

completely random, mis-matched thoughts....

ahhh....i am actually having a very productive day today. the house is very, very quite. i'm on my "lunch break". actually, this is THE first time i have actually been alone (with the exception of the car and that is usually when i am trying to return phone calls) in months. so, a very productive work day, yea! both boys are good today, e returned to MDO and was sooooo excited to do so. so far so good - no call from ms. penny. and, scott's dad took him to the MD for me. it feels good to be on somewhat of a routine if only for a few hours. :)

i started ww today. i had tried south beach over the last few weeks off and on. very off and on. mostly off though. but, when you don't care for meat too much - not an easy way to go. so hopefully this will go well. or, at least better. i just had lunch. and, yes, i'm still starving. lovely. my friend, j, diaried her intake on her blog - i'm not that good. i will do good to write it down for myself. so, maybe if i just devulge my points for the day - either yea or nea - it may embarrass me so much, i stay on track. i'm doing the last old version because it's the only one i know as i think they've just come out with a new one. so, i am allotted 20 points for the day.

so, since i am trying to eat a little healthier - i am going to throw in a couple others. both, i have been convicted over and i just got more confirmation this morning. i try to check in with "my blogs" at least once a day. it makes it much easier now that i can see who updates. it has cut down on my multiple checks drastically. an then there are 2-3 out there in the "real world" apart from my local friends that i am faithful to read also. as mentioned, one is Lots of Scotts - seriously, so much of it - i could simply write myself (although, she is such a great writer) - but, the topics are so often topics i am dealing with at that very moment. after i read hers today, i decided i would follow her lead somewhat - in trying to give up the cell phone while driving. {there you go aunt J and scott - i'm sure that will make you very happy:} so, maybe i will be more of a safe driver and engage with my precious cargo even more.

also, a sincere thank you for all of your very sweet comments my post a couple of days ago. it was actually quite difficult to even read them and at one point i almost blocked them - it was that hard. and, i say even that in a positive way. really, all i can say is a sincerely thank you. it was a great encourgement - although the post was truly a purging for myself and at times i've felt like maybe i said too much. but, it's just how my heart felt. i definitely do not feel any of the things you said, but, i do appreciate it, so thank you.

Monday, January 12, 2009

{compress anyone?}

the next time you see me, you will likely not recognize me due to the bilateral black eyes with extreme swelling. i got hit hard by this devotion from proverbs 31 this morning. very hard. the worst black eyes you've ever seen.

Monday, January 12, 2009

Her Children Arise and Call Her Busy

Sandy Cooper, She Speaks Conference Graduate

“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.” I Thessalonians 4:11&12 (NIV)“Mom, will you please tell me a story?“ my eight-year-old daughter asked me recently. It had been one of those insanely packed days, full of errands, chores and activities… and it wasn’t over yet. My mind strained to keep everything in order for the remaining events we had planned for the evening. I was coordinating our homeless outreach followed by plans to attend my husband’s softball game. Kids had to be fed, pottied, properly clothed, and in the right places at the right times. I had to remember to bring supplies, snacks, drinks and driving directions to our various destinations. There was no brain reserve left for creative stories.“I’m sorry, honey. I can’t tell you a story right now. I just have too much on my mind.”

“That’s okay,” she said. “I’ll tell you a story. Once upon a time,” she began, “there was a very busy mom.”Uh oh. This ought to be interesting…“She woke up every day and she was tired. She made a big pot of coffee and went into her room to pray. She prayed and prayed and prayed…but nothing happened. She did the laundry and went to Target and to the grocery store where she spent lots of money. She made dinner and cleaned the house. She went to help the homeless children. At the end of the day, she was still tired so she went to bed. The end.”Wow. I’m like a twisted version of the Proverbs 31 woman, only much less effective.I managed to fake a smile and kiss my precious daughter on the head as I blinked back tears. Is that really how she sees me? As a tired woman with a futile prayer life? Overwhelmed and overscheduled? I had always taken pride in the fact that I wasn’t busy. Years ago I learned to say “no” to activities that ate into our family time. I value simplicity and solitude. I had even taught Bible studies about it! Yet, somehow in the midst of my un-busy life, I managed to get very busy. And now the children were taking notice. This was something I promised myself would never happen.That night I couldn’t sleep (a very rare thing for me...being as “tired” as I am and all).

So at 1:00 am I got up and began journaling. For two hours, I poured out my anxious thoughts to God as I sifted through my schedule to identify where and when things had gone wrong. I listed every activity in which I am currently involved, as well as every household responsibility that was taking up my time. The process was very revealing. I discovered that it wasn’t one nasty “culprit” I could quickly cast out of my life, but a series of little culprits to address:
o Mismanaged time—like checking and responding to e-mails over ten times a day.
o Commitments which were longer than anticipated—like the freelance job that was supposedto be completed two months ago.
o Time management systems I previously put in place, but failed to maintain—like my mailfiling system and my “write-everything-on-a-master-list” system.
o Piles of clutter in my home—which often left me feeling exasperated because theyrepresented areas of my life that were out of control.

That night God helped me identify a few key areas I could immediately cut in order to be less busy. He helped me draw up and prioritize a master list of projects to tackle, as well as new chores to delegate to my children. But mostly that night, He reminded me - for what seems like the millionth time - that my children would only be little for a season. And in comparison to the pages of other tasks and responsibilities I had just written in my journal, my commitment to be a Godly wife and mother stood far above them all.And then He reminded me that He doesn’t view me as some kind of “ministry production machine.” Nor does He value me because of what I can accomplish in a day. He cherishes me because I am His daughter.

When I remember this, I’m much less inclined to add many things to my plate. Instead, I rest in the peace of knowing who I am in Christ and what He has purposed for me to do and be.Dear Lord, I offer my schedule today to You. Help me remove from my schedule things not in Your perfect will for me. Help me add anything to my schedule that I may have overlooked but is important to You. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:Out of the Mouth of Babes by Wendy PopeBecoming the Mom I Always Wanted to Be, by Renee


this morning on the way to school noah asked me if he was too old for highlights. the question did not really shock me as one of his little buddies in his class came back to school this year with a few highlights in his hair. i am not saying it is a choice i want for noah, nor do i have any thoughts about his little friends hair. but, nevertheless, the question was posed.

i then asked, do you mean too young?

no, mom, too old, am i too old for highlights?

noah, i think you are confused. right now, you are seven and all we need to do to your hair at the age of 7 is make certain you wash and dry it. end of story.

he was quite perplexed. mom, what in the world are you talking about?'m. read.highlights?

oh.......Highlights the magazine, not highlights as in the hair of the little boy that sits next to you in class. it's a monday! whew!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

{hollywood marriages}

please link onto Lots of Scotts (one of my very, very favorites) as she writes about Great Expectations in marriage. I so love her honesty! give me a non-hollywood marriage any day of the week. and, for many, many years!

which leads me to Commandment 6 in Marriage.... by Bayless Conley

The Sixth Commandment of Marriage: Don’t Destroy Your Spouse But Learn to be Gentle

The sixth commandment God gave to Israel in Exodus 20:13,
“You shall not murder.”

While you might think this commandment is not too applicable, I believe it is vital. It is telling you not to destroy your spouse!

Jesus helps us understand this principle in Matthew 5. He said, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment.”

Jesus went right to the root of murder: anger and hatred. If you are going to have a good, healthy, lasting marriage, you need to learn to be gentle. People who are easily angered…who are violent or have an explosive temper…destroy relationships.

If you are dating someone who blows up easily, you ought to take it as a warning sign. If they get mad at things at the drop of a hat, that anger can be turned on you very easily.
Anger erodes relationships. If you have a hot temper, get it under control, or the devil will control you through it.

Another way anger is expressed is by going stone cold…using silence and angry moodiness to punish your mate. Again, not a healthy thing for a marriage. If you anger quickly and forgive slowly, you are a hard person to live with. Work at being quick to forgive, and make the controlling of your anger a serious matter of prayer. God will help you.

If you do not master your temper, it will master you. And it will not only decay and destroy a marriage relationship, it will harm every other meaningful relationship you have in life.

{a purpose}

a couple of months ago, i received some really harsh words from someone who i thought i had been really close to. when i sat in my car and read the words.... i was stunned, confused, and hurt; all of which turned into anger quite quickly. basically, the words were to stay out of their life and "deal all of the drama in your own life."

wow. it hit me very hard and those words really stung. and, in the days that followed, i found out many things that had been said about me and our family since the accident. (again, remember we live on life before and life after that day) however, in working through that entire situation re: the words launched at me, i spent alot of time in prayer and searching for answers. some answers regarding why it was said to me, i will never know - but, it ended up pushing me down a very positive path. do i have drama in my life? yes, quite a lot on any given day. it seems like it has gone on forever. several years ago a sweet and dear nurse i worked with me told me that someday i needed to write a book, the only problem is that it would need to be titled fiction because no one would ever believe it was true.

so, aside from the fact i had to somewhat recover from that day in my car after reading those words .....i started thinking. for whatever reason, i have never had a really smooth, uneventful life at any given point - my childhood was a tad (to say the least) on the rough side as far as financial struggles and severe health issues suffered by my dad, my dad dying in front of me and my brothers at the age 15, remarriage difficulties with my mother (etc, etc, etc). THEN my prince stepped in and i had a short reprieve. however, as soon as we were married - we started trying to build our own family which lead to our discovery of severe infertility issues (including two failed in-vitros), multiple miscarriages (a failed adoption and a miscarriage of twins within 3 days of each other), almost losing noah to an anesthesia problem while at children's from a simple tonsillectomy, bedrest and a horribly difficult pregnancy with evan, scott's accident resulting in a closed head injury, finding out about his brain tumor 4 weeks later, noah's kidney diagnosis affecting not only one kidney but BOTH, etc, etc, etc - you get the picture.

so, i guess this person is right, i do have alot of drama. at first i wanted to lash back out at her - i didn't ask for any of it. so, i had to work through that; and, i have and i'm in a good place with it. then, i had to look at myself under that nasty microscope. that's not always the easiest thing to do. how am i handling this 'drama'? well, i feel like i really try to handle it in a fairly positive way. do i get down with it? absolutely, but, i have never once doubted God being right in the midst of it. do i handle it right? no, i'm sure i handle it wrong the majority of the time. i started thinking about my reactions to it, which i actually do on a fairly consistent basis because i know that is one of my huge failings. does everyone see me as self-centered? negative? it was a real struggle for several weeks. i was shocked that this person had viewed me in this light and had actually voiced it to others - so, what did everyone else think? i think that anyone who has gone through extremely trying circumstances will understand - you either want to run and hide, ignore it all, fight it or all of the above. i'm usually a fighter, but, had i lost my fight?

i remember sitting in our living room with our pastor, his wife and noah hours after learning the baby girl we had planned to be ours for months, the one we had packed our bags for and was ready to go pick up was going to be parented by her birthmom. in one moment, one phone call - our hopes were crushed - all the while knowing that the baby i was carrying was not going to make it and I would soon be losing it. and, still through all of that pain and tears we were at peace with God's will. did it hurt? absolutely! dreadfully so, but, we trusted Him. and, you have to know our former pastor. i think we actually laughed through that evening at how it shouldn't be much of a shock, we always seemed to take the bumpier roads. i even got to a point where i hated to even acknowledge another bad thing had happened because it almost became embarrassing as crazy as that sounds.

i can look back at our infertility with the horrible miscarriages and the path that led to the wonders of adoption and can see how God was truly in the middle of all of that. since that time period, i have cried with other moms who either just received a dreaded diagnosis of infertility, lost a baby or who just had a baby placed in their arms from their adoption journey. i 'understand' a mother's worries as her child goes into the hospital for a simple, everyday procedure. i have real empathy for the kids who struggle at home. am i praising myself? absolutely not, far far from it. i can just look back and see how God has completely used so many of our struggles in a positive way. And, clearly, for His glory, not ours.

so, that brings us to the accident; THE struggle of our life thus far. so much of it is not seen because so much of it is behind closed doors. but, i feel like i have stalled out, given up or just accepted that this is it. i have not yielded or given any positives from this trial by fire. i have been told numerous times that God has a purpose and a plan for us through this. do i know that - yes, but do i really believe it? that is where i am at. in my heart, i do know without a doubt that God does have a plan for us through this. do i know what it is? no, i actually haven't a clue. but, i am more than willing to finally give up (thank you sharon) and quit hanging on until my knuckles are white. i've always had that tendency. i think we all to to a degree. i need to let go.....and let God. i am ready and i am shameful of how i have tried to do this on my own.

so, for those who have looked at us and felt we were self-centered through this, or at least me, i am sorry if something i have said or done anything that made you feel that way. it was never my intention. the truth is....if you really knew how things could be on a day to day basis, i think that would even shock you. i have been scratching the surface in trying to make the best of this every single day. i've been getting by on trying to hold my family together through this struggle, but, i haven't invested real time in trying to make the absolute best of what we have been given.

so, that is the journey i am on. and, i'm very excited!! you will likely get more tidbits than you care to read about closed head injuries. you make get sick of me documenting how the boys and i are trying to give back to scott a small part of what he has lost. but, i lived in the trenches of infertility, pregancy losses, a dreaded illness for a child....and i need to optimize the place where God has us for this moment. i do not doubt for a second that He has not been teaching me in this trench, but, i have not been very accepting, because i've tried to do it on my own. a clear cut way to fall flat on your face. i know, because i have.

so, no more hiding under a shell or sticking my head in the sand. our family has a closed head injury and i am going to do everything i can (by letting go) to make a positive stand in this regardless of what all of the statistics say. evan is the perfect example that statistics can be disproven. THANK.YOU.GOD.

{a bad day for a four year old?}

at a warp speed, this was just said to me in a high-pitched little voice

"noah won't let me play mario galaxy. and, i've had a bad and rough day betause i lost my red bumble bee and i really needed to play with it today. betause, it's my favorite."

so, i looked away from the keyboard (as i have a report due in the morning) and without me uttering a word, he quickly added......

"so......can you deal wiff it? in a second?" and off he went.

and, off i go to "deal wiff it".


i only thought it was going to slow down after the holidays. wrong. and, because today doesn't seem to be yielding a relaxing sunday afternoon, i thought i would post quick thoughts. in a totally random order.

evan is better although no where near 100%. but, the nights are much improved, thank God. i am hoping we can have even more improvement today prior to our phone call reporting in the dr. d in the morning.

noah had another kidney obstruction last sunday. i am still devastated. according to the original plans that equates to a major surgery in the very near future. we are scheduled to see the surgeon in february. i still can't even allow myself to really think about it. i'm just praying ALOT.

to my friends who have emailed and/or called with your sweet concern and i have failed to respond. know that it is not because i have not wanted to or intended to....but, i have literally had no down time over the past week. so, know that i do appreciate it greatly and will eventually send a response or phone you back.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

{sweet baby}

it was amazing!!!! sweet baby e arrived today and is amazingly perfect and beautiful! i know many of you can't wait to see her, so here is just a glimpse..........

Monday, January 5, 2009

"i'm so excited"

my sweet and dear friend is having her sweet baby girl tomorrow! cannot wait to see her!


i did not just find 7 new baby bunnies in the outside hutch with Jack and Rhett. Atwoods did not sex Jack incorrectly. surely i do not have a total of 16 bunnies in my care. i did not almost stroke out when i saw movement and a new "nest" in jack's sleeping area. my kids did not squeal with delight when they saw the wriggly little things. evan did not do a happy dance in his undies. i will not beg and plead with all of my friends to take a bunny, two, or three to their really good and loving homes.

i will be calling dr. nick tomorrow. sorry, rhett. someday, this may be funny. not today.

Saturday, January 3, 2009

{5th commandment}

again, to give credit where credit is due.....bayless conley is the author of this marriage commandment series. i had posted it when i started, but, felt i needed to again.

The Fifth Commandment of Marriage: Honor Your Spouse by Showing How Grateful You Are

The fifth commandment gives us our next principle for a healthy and vibrant marriage. It is found in Exodus 20:12,
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the LORD your God is giving you.”

Among other things, God is saying we must be grateful. Generally, parents spend a lot of time, labor, and money…sometimes to the point of radical sacrifice…to give their kids an edge in life.
And it is a tragedy when a child is ungrateful or unthankful. William Shakespeare said, “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth it is to have a thankless child.” It is very difficult to have a relationship with an ungrateful, selfish person.

“Thank you” are important words to your parents, and an incredibly important phrase in marriage. It is difficult to live with someone who takes you and all of your efforts for granted.
You may be thinking, “I don’t say it, but I am grateful in my heart. I truly am!” Well, hooray for you. You are blessed because in your heart you know you are grateful. But it does your spouse no good if you do not vocalize it.

If you do not demonstrate your gratitude, I doubt if you are really grateful because Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” If it is not being expressed, chances are it is not truly there.

Maybe you think you don’t have a lot to be grateful for. But there must be something you can say “thank you” for. There is something you can praise your mate for. Look for those things, and accentuate the positive.

Take time today to express thanks to your spouse in some way…through an action, through a card, through words. That is how you honor your mate.

Friday, January 2, 2009

{4th commandment}

I thought things would slow down after christmas....nada. So, another whirlwind of a week that I do not even want to bore you with. and, I hate the fact school starts on Monday. Okay, that last sentence was not related, but, I just had to 'voice' it. As crazy as it was from all of the above, I LOVE having my boys here all day, every day.

now, on to installment four in the marriage commandments. This is one I REALLY need to work on.

The Fourth Commandment of Marriage: Spend Exclusive Time Together

The fourth commandment, found in Exodus 20:8-11,
“Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days you shall labor and do all your work, but the seventh day is the Sabbath of the LORD your God. In it you shall do no work: you, nor your son, nor your daughter, nor your male servant, nor your female servant, nor your cattle, nor your stranger who is within your gates. For in six days the LORD made the heavens and the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, and rested the seventh day. Therefore the LORD blessed the Sabbath day and hallowed it.”

Sabbath means an intermission. It means to put down your work and rest. Take a break. And holy means separate to the Lord. “If you want a long-term relationship with Me,” God says, “We have to have time together. I want special time, exclusive time. I want a whole day.”
In the same way, in order to have a healthy, growing marriage, husbands and wives need time together…special time, exclusive time, sometimes extravagant time. And I think we all know that if we do not schedule it, it will not happen.

My wife, Janet, once did a little research. She found that surveys showed the average couple spends 37 minutes or less in face-to-face conversation every week. I bet before you were married you spent a lot more time together in a week, didn’t you?

If your marriage is to thrive, you need to spend exclusive time together. You can’t build a relationship and not spend time together. It is just not possible.