Monday, November 29, 2010


i am so stinkin' excited! and, i could use a little of that of late!

got my BIG early Christmas present. well, it's all i'll be getting from this point on but it had to be done or i couldn't be done.

i'm going to houston this spring to spend time with a photography genius! i could dance right now. {but, i'm waaayyyyy too tired!}

she's a rock star in the photography world. and, her style really speaks to me as i am not even close to her ability, but, our front-end style is similar if that makes any sense at all??

i cannot even believe it! woo-hoo!!!!!!!!!

and, she just emailed me!!!!! j


on a bummer beloved lense that died. then, fired up again. died again. this time for good. new lense ordered. the upgraded version of course because nothing stays the same longer than 6 months in the photography equipment world. very bittersweet. but, that's okay, because i'll just take it to texas with me!!!

nite! edited until 2 this morning and if i don't make myself get away from here, i will not be sitting upright tomorrow. it takes a day to slam me.

rambling i know!'.excited!!!!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

{new find}

my first attempt was soooo good, i had to share!

i LOVE crock pots. so i am always looking for new recipes and have several cookbooks. however, several weeks ago i picked up a copy of "Fix-It and Forget-It Our Best Slow-Cooker Recipes 2010" i flipped through and noticed it contained recipes i would actually cook.

so, today i tried easy creamy chicken and put it on before church. it got a two thumbs up by all of my boys which is MAJOR in this house. it will definitely be a frequent flyer here!

Easy Creamy Chicken

8 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
Lemon pepper to taste
103/4 oz can cream of chicken soup
3 oz pkg. cream cheese, softened
8 oz container of sour cream

1. place 4 chicken breasts in bottom of a slow cooker. Sprinkle with lemon pepper. {i was leary about the lemon pepper. but, i think it is one of the key tastes in making it so good}
2. combine soup and cream cheese in a bowl. When blended, fold in sour cream.
3. pour half of the sauce over chicken breasts in slow cooker.
4. repeat steps 1 and 3.
5. cover and cook on high 2-4 hours or until chicken is tender.

I served with mashed potatoes, but would also be great with rice or pasta. Prep took less than 10 minutes and it was wonderful to come home to a wonderful meal ready and waiting for us. Just wanted to share!!!

{hunkering down}

for the night. i've got a plate of pumpkin roll that I forgot to put out for Thanksgiving and a cup of coffee from my early Christmas present {Keurig}. So, I am set to tackle a very long list! I took Friday off to recoop from a staying the week at the hospital; I tackled part of Christmas decorations. I wrapped it up {pardon the pun} yesterday. I knew that if I didn't tackle it then, it wouldn't be done anytime soon. So, that's a huge thing off my list.

Now I will resume editing & ordering like a mad woman!

and, Scott had a really rough day yesterday with pain {stent?} but that had subsided today. Today his fatigue level is terrible. We start the blood work at 8:30 in the morning. Praying the numbers are improving!

Friday, November 26, 2010

{it's beginning to look}

ALOT like Christmas in our house!! So fun!

Thursday, November 25, 2010



where do i even start?

of course, it goes without saying that we are SOOOO thankful scott got to come home from the hospital today. albeit later than we thought it would be, but home nonetheless. it was sweet how he was greeted with cheers, claps and hugs when he walked through that living room! it's been a really tough week and although it took turns we never anticipated, we are thankful it was not worse. it could have been much worse. we were very close to that "much worse", but, glad the majority of it is behind him. he is not to the smooth sailing days yet, but he will get there. he is on our bed sleeping soundly for the first time in weeks right now. such a comforting thought!! and, in that same thought, i am reminded that so many are still on the other side of so many hospital doors. my heart hurts and prays for them tonight.

my family really came together to help us over the last week and to pull off today. we had talked about simply postphoning thanksgiving, but scott was insistent. he typically wouldn't mind to avoid the entire thing, but, i think the situation of late gave him a new perspective on that. i couldn't have made dinner happen today without them. so appreciative.

of course, i am so, so thankful for my friends. true, true friends that will literally drop everything to help you out. i feel like to overly abuse that system with all of our needs, but, i am hoping to someday repay that. in this recent turn of events, i received the numerous texts when i would be at my wits end, so many sweet calls, precious visits {brad carrying me in a sonic coke just hours before his own surgery!!} and of course mandi who saved the day{s} by taking care of my boys. and, the icing, with justin driving them home for me today so i could stay put and attack a very unplanned dinner. the friends that i have close to my heart each provide me with a tremendous gift as i know that if my children are in their care, i have no worries. that is priceless. i have had alot of friends in my life. different friends for different seasons. some will be with me for a lifetime and others have taken paths in different directions. but, for my here and now......i am BEYOND blessed! my heart actually swells with my thankfulness. each of them bring something different and special to my life. SUCH a blessing!!

so thankful for God's provisions. our home, food within reach, and the ability to be able to work in areas that allow flexibility for my family. for whatever reason i have had that opportunity because i know that so many do not, i am thankful. i think one of God's biggest blessings to my life was when doors were opened for me to stay home given the situation after the accident.

thankful for my family. my brothers have become such huge, important, stable aspects of my life. they are so, so good to me. they are my 2 am calls. i have very special aunts and uncles and cousins who are true pieces of my heart.

thankful for my precious family members that have passed on. it's amazing how death does not take the love with it. i am very thankful for the legacy that has been left to me. i hope i can uphold it in a way that would make each of them proud!

but most of all......i am thankful for my precious savior. i am thankful for a country where i can freely worship Him. i am thankful that He holds me close. i am thankful that He is real.

Happy Thanksgiving!!! Let Christmas begin!

Well, maybe tomorrow. ha!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


after a very long wait in the waiting room {6+ hours} he finally made it back there. The IV with pain meds was started around 1 am. Because SEMMC could not access the CT Scan from Cooper - last night was determined to be a wash out except for the pain meds {which were much needed by that point} and of course, lab to see check in on infection. Bad news, since FS has only 2 Urologists and they service both hospitals, it will likely be a very long day of wait as well. Even more bad news, one of the stones is 1/3 larger than the size of a large cherry. {my estimate is so strange because I forgot what type of fruit Dr. W referenced and I am having to compare it to Scott's tumor}. Not good. I am hope scurrying to get the kids to school, his parents are with him. I am picking up my mom this morning and will simply prepare and deliver the food and head back to the hospital.

I may be calling on some of you to help with the boys after school {SO SORRY} and possibly collect my dishes/crock pot from Mrs. Ewing since they can't stay there until next week. {AGAIN, so sorry} otherwise, besides desperately wanting and needing to be in two places at once, I've got it covered.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all of your sweet texts last night!!! Will check back in as I can.

Monday, November 22, 2010

{oh dear}

dr. w is sending scott to the hospital.

hmmmm....i have a thanksgiving feast to cook for 18 little ones.

not going to panic.

dear God {and I mean that literally}

{medical report}

he has finally decided to have them either crushed or removed. we are suppose to see the urologist tomorrow. that is, if he makes it til tomorrow. :( this has been horrid.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

{in this moment}

noah and evan are playing behind me in evan's room. there is a heavy discussion occurring. but, in a good way surprisingly. noah is in charge, of course, and evan is actually not bucking it for a change. tonight they are spying while inventing. quite the multitaskers i must say! thier sweet and calm convesation to each other is music to my ears. we had moments today that i could not say that. just being truthful.

razorbacks are playing on espn in front of me. i've been watching and editing away. the boys are so not interested.

scott is sleeping in the bedroom for the first time today. he did not get off the couch. this has been beyond grueling for me to even watch, i can't imagine being him. he is now running a temperature, which i am sure is not good. by the time it hit and i phoned his md, the office had closed. his parents will likely have to be called in tomorrow to convince him to go back. he doesn't usually tell his dad no.

we had orange rolls and milk for breakfast as i loaded and played our first christmas music. it was yummy all the way around.

we had cinnamon rolls for supper. am i seeing a pattern here? i know that i won't be able to wear anything with a pattern if i don't nix that those meal choices quite quickly.

molly is snoring for the night. sweet girl.

we finally got our wood delivered today. so ready for that first fire. but, before that, i'm ready for the weather that will not dip down into the 30's at night and be in the 70's by early afternoon.

remember me mentioning feeling the desire to be very domestic right now. i'm not milking our cows yet, but i came close. i pulled out my bread machine this morning. and, it would have been really nice to have actually been able to make a loaf of bread as we are honestly out. we are out of just about everything staple wise at this point {have to break away to go pick up some groceries tomorrow} BUT, i was unable to find the kneader contraption. order made.

i'm reallllly tired right now. will edit a bit longer if this computer cooperates. and, then i'm off to bed.

briefly speaking of work. i found a TO.DIE.FOR location for a bridal shoot. i chose my bride today as this one will be on me. she is breathtaking {and so sweet!}. her dress is like nothing i have ever seen. it is perfect. the site, it looks like an abandoned, crumbly castle. i have big visions. i'm not so sure she will see it as i do. but, i think she'll be pleasantly surprised when she sees the final images. road trip will ensue in the spring.


Friday, November 19, 2010


i do a fairly good job in avoiding and stuffing. most of the time. but occasionally, without warning, it creeps in through the cracks. despite my best efforts and the fact i have mastered the art of compounding and spackling.

tonight it snuck up on me. i had been intentionally trying to out run it, but i lost that race ending with a bucket load of tears and incredible pain. not the trophy i usually hope for. the catalyst? my sweet, sweet boys. after a great time all snuggled up with them tonight, it escaped through that very old and long-familiar crack. it happened as i held a sleeping little one and was overcome with the gratefulness {beyond words} i have for him. a miracle despite all of the odds. it is never far from my thoughts on how blessed i am to even be able to hold him. him. why him? it's during times of raw thankfulness that I am often overtaken with reminders of what we have lost. it is a bitter, bitter mix of emotions. sometimes it's almost shocking how the pure joy that he is here with us can also be such a cruel, jagged reminder of what all we have lost. my body fiercely fights {or fought, since that chapter is closed} to extinguish the sacred little lives that were placed there. would they have looked like him? laughed like him? felt like him? smelled like the sweet sweat (yes, i said that}? and, then of course, there are providential battles that rise. my sweet God could have thwarted the wars my immune system raged; and easily won. i know that. but, i also know that i trust him. no matter. and that, is sometimes not the easiest feat to overcome. but, i have in a deep way; on most days anyway.

having said all of that, it's just much easier to secretly carry those emotions quietly tucked away in my heart. and, i typically do rather well with that. but,even then when i'm carrying along okay, i find myself occasionally getting blindsided by guilt; the guilt of not acknowledging those sweet babies from time to time. my body lost them. but, i believe with everything that i am that from the very moment their little lives began, their lives truly began eternally. and for whatever reason they weren't able to stay with us, they mattered. to us and to Him.

so, what do i do with that?

since the majority of this blog is intended to remember for my family, tonight, i felt very compelled {against my wishes} acknowledge. at least tonight. then, i will patch it back up and move on until a birthday that should have been, a positive date is remembered, or a day of loss hits by way of the calendar. but also, when those seemingly innocent numbers on the calendar happen to coincide with a plainly-innocent, perfectly good day, it is then when i am overwhelmingly reminded of what incredible little miracles i hold in my arms. both of them. but, i also have little ones i hold in my heart. just because i can't hold them, i miss them fiercely. the reasons their lives only briefly graced ours? i'm not sure i will ever have answers on this side, but, i'm content with that, now. it took a long time to get from there to here; it was a very long trip.

my thankfulness for the gifts i have almost takes my breath away. actually, it usually does.

last month was pregnancy and infant loss month. i skipped it. sometimes i do, sometimes i don't.


it is one of the painful months now, but thankfully the weight is much heavier on the side of joy and gratitude. thanksgiving of course brings up an immense amount of sweet, sweet memories and precious gifts that we are thankful for; but, it can also be a huge reminder of important pieces of our heart that are no longer with us.

so, for my november baby {babies actually}


and, as strong as i try to convince myself that i am on most days....

i am thankfully very 'held'.

and, so are they. {smile}

and, the very best thing of all, i will hold them.

of that, i have no doubt.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. Psalms 139:16


at this moment, noah is playing his psp snuggled up on the couch.

evan is curled up in my chair. he gravitates to it. he is watching hannah montana. i know, i know.

scott is sleeping soundly on the couch. thank you God.

it is friday. yippee. we will likely all wake up together in the morning {well, all but scott, i'm thinking he will not be moving from the couch} without the aid of an annoying alarm clock.

the boys did exceptionally well this morning {mornings are always a hurdle around here} as i had to get out the door early.

i got scolded by noah for being late at pick-up today. he hates that. evan asks me to be late so he can sit with the 5th grade girls as long as possible. evan is getting the benefit as i seem to be perpetually late, of late.

the boys are eating a supper of breakfast foods. i'm staying away as bacon is involved.

i have just washed a quilt {a christmas one, i might add} to snuggle up in tonight as we watch 'a christmas carol". so getting ready for the big production on december 5th by our church. i'm thinking it is going to be beyond wonderful. have i mentioned that i had to scurry to find two more tickets as i gave away two tickets i had already given away after purchasing a bundle of them. i almost had to sit out.

amazingly encouraging text received today.

oh, and i am utterly falling in love with quilts. i've never been a quilt kind-of- girl, i've been more of the in love with anything filled with down type. although i have one that i will always treasure above any other thanks to a wedding gift from my mamaw. and, besides that one, i have no other of any quality. since this will be my big year; yes, the 40th come august {gasp!} i will now qualify for an amazing work of art that i can wrap myself in from my quilt-making, award-winning {seriously, she takes down the 80-year-old quilters}, dentist of a sister-in-law. i have visions. can't wait to pick out the fabric.

nite eveyone! going to get away from this computer for a bit.

{blissful thinking}

it's a constant struggle right now.

this time of year makes it that way for me.

i am literally "craving" domestic activities from decorating, to purging/organizing, cooking yummy comfort foods, reading multitudes of big books {as evan would say}, snuggling in winter pj's {even the ones that noah destests. the ones with the moose on them.}, listening to loads of christmas music, burning candles like there's no tomorrow, watching movies, folding warm laundry {yes, that is true!} but, typically i only want to do that for about a week or two. the laundry that is.

but, not yet as this computer is still beckoning me loudly.

i may, however, slip in a break or two this weekend.

happy weekend everyone!

ps...thanks for all the texts/emails/messages re: scott and evan. evan is doing well with no further complaints. fingers crossed there. poor is hard to watch is like the never-ending labor. i feel so bad for him!! he's being a trooper though. not sure we'll make it through this night without a trip to the er. my poor mom could not take it today and actually laid hands on him to pray. very sweet.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

{quick note}

i am frantically trying to finish up some things for the office; that were due uhmmm.....monday. not good. i have many, many calls to return...know that i will get to them. hopefully tonight pending on what is below.

we {and, i use that term very loosely!} have a stone in the ureter. reallllly not good. pain meds have been commenced. which is very scary considering all of the other meds on board. still trying to get in to a urologist.

little guy has hurt his hip/leg and we are headed for x-rays.

looks like i'll be seeing holiday market in 2011. :(


Wednesday, November 17, 2010

{this & that}

*i'm immensely torn. i struggle with this every single year. mixing the seasons? i sooooo want to decorate for christmas. actually, i've wanted to that since july. maybe, june? but, i want to savor what is left of fall as well. i just need to lighten up! sc's looks so pretty!
*a MIRACLE occurred! my lense. my sweet, sweet lense....started working on it's own again!!! which is somewhat scary actually. but, i am not kidding when i say that i said some prayers over that piece of glass. i was less than thrilled about either a very high repair bill {typically 1/2 of what it takes to buy a new one} or dropping another large amount of money on one. and, it was one i could not live with out. well, i could, but it wouldn' t be easy. so, i am very, very thankful! just wish i had had it on some of my recent sessions. :(
*thinking of changing up the thanksgiving plans bit. well shall see.
*have been in MD offices all day. the ct revealed 3 stones for scott. i'm off to pick up meds and then scurry and get the boys for noah's ortho appt. should i be surprised that the ortho has never seen a child do to his teeth as noah has? you are typically 30 or above. leave it to us. so bite splint and retainer molds today.
*am working like a mad woman. worked until 4:04 am yesterday. but, the end is in sight.
*not that i have a literaly second to spare, looking forward to scooting away for a few hours for holiday market friday. it's my annual with ang...anyone else want to go?
*my house is a wreck.
*just thought i would throw the above in.
*i'm thinking it will be until i get to the end that is "in sight."
*as files resize and upload {which tends to take FOREVER} i've been purging in a big way. the trash pick up was embarrassing this morning.

gotta go!

Monday, November 15, 2010

{let the games begin!}

We spent alot of time playing games this weekend. The type that does not require batteries. Good, old-fashioned board games.
They were a big hit! I'm not one that loves games at all but I will take a board game anyday over anything electronic.
Noah is teaching us {I should say, Scott as I gave up!} to play chess.
Evan & I stuck with checkers.

It's definitely a weekend we will remember! And, it was so nice to be without all of the electronic gadgets for a change. :)

{weekend respite}

Our weekend for two turned into a weekend for four. Which was perfectly fine and much needed. The recent weeks have been very strained so a very quiet weekend away was great. And, I think we got to enjoy the peak of fall foliage - it was beyond beautiful!!!! And, thankfully it "felt" very much like fall with temperatures in the 30s & 40s. Perfect!

Thankfully, I did pull out the camera. Unfortunately, I didn't take many pictures of the leaves until just before we made our way back down the mountain Sunday afternoon......I pulled over and snapped a few. The colors were unbelievable.

This is us in the rocking chairs at the front entrance of the lodge. It was a beautiful place to sit and relax with the exception of the fact it was 42 degrees!

I barely caught the sunset from the restaurant.

Of course, E's favorite thing to! His pockets were full, my pockets were full, my car was full.......he is obsessed! At least it isn't an expensive obsession. ha!

A perfect opportunity to talk about the wonders of creation!

Not a happy camper as he was banned from getting too close to the edge.

He spent most of his time in trees of course.

Watching Dad.

So pretty!

We had a really great time doing pretty much nothing! The boys were so happy to be able to go. I tried to push aside my panicked thoughts of all I had to do at home. I made myself "unplug" and did NOT drag a computer with me. We played lots of board games, ate way too much junk food, slept in, and watched a ton of movies snuggled up together. A very simple, but MUCH needed weekend. So happy I didn't reschedule! I think it gave me the reboot I needed to get through the next couple of weeks work-wise. The lodge is such a beautiful place and close enough to get away easily. Great memories!

Thursday, November 11, 2010


If I started out by saying a huge green flying saucer landed in our pasture and zapped me {or better yet, maybe just my brains} you would likely believe that version easier than the real-life one.


Where do I even start?

I literally cannot even begin to recall it all, let alone write about the crazy things that have happened this week.

My vehicle has been in the shop x 3. That eats up a lot of desk time. {not to mention $$}.

I lifted a small, tiny stool in the back of my car and popped, stretched or pulled a ligament in my RIGHT wrist/hand. I'm in a very tight splint. My fingers still work and as long as I keep my arm stiff....I'm not in agony if its not moving. But, cannot even comb my hair or brush my teeth without. The lack of agony at this moment is due to the aid of over-dosing, liver-damaging amounts of anti-inflammatories.

Really? RIGHT hand. Editing? I.could.cry.

Well, maybe I did.

But, NOT in front of the officer that pulled me over this morning.

I was too stunned.

Yep, that's the 2nd time this month.

Mr. Hobbs is going to disown me soon.

First time was for expired tags. Seriously, who does that? There IS a story with a FAIRLY good explaination behind it. I'll tell James Carter about it when we're on that subject. As I'm sure it will come up. Again.

Today, it was speeding. And, I was totally guilty. Just oblivious to it because I was totally distracted by the fact......well, I won't go there. Family situation, you know. {wink}

A warning was rendered and received.

2nd one this month. State versus City.

I'm afraid I will skip the ticketing phase and progress straight to jail time. My life has become a Monopoly game. {without all the $$}

I got completely stuck at the dealership today because of the aforementioned distraction by what happened in "the preplanned" rides to MDs, home, etc. Actually, they didn't happened. I left Scott behind as he waited his transportation to the MD.

I drove off all.the.way.home via shuttle.

Did you ever know I hate riding with strangers? Especially when the shuttle car puts you to the point your shoulders touch the stranger if you move a millimeter.


I have had a flare up of TMJ headaches that are worse than I have had in years. New appreciation for Scott. Although, I would have preferred a different route.

I get the worst mom in the world award.

And, totally deserve it.

I thought Evan's book fair day was today.

It was yesterday.

No money was sent.

I need to cry over that. My heart broke.

I took a jab this week from a very loosely termed old friend. I took it and I did not play her game.

But, as soon as that happened I also experienced the wonders of an incredible restoration with someone else. Something beyond words really. It makes me realize how incredibly thankful I am that my heart is totally okay on several issues.

My very, very, very favorite lense died in at a wedding this weekend. Of course, I had suitable back-up. But, can we say ch-ching in a huge way.

I have told Scott I think we are on a mission to see how many big ticket items we can purchase this year.

I REALLY could go on and on.

But, I have to get after it!

Thanks for all of the texts, messages, etc checking on me due to my MIA status. I'll get there!

Oh, yeah, that romantic weekend away begins tomorrow.

With the four of us!! ha!

But, it is totally good and the way it should be with all of the upheaval of late....and, I am going to try my very best NOT to take my computer this time.

Wow, maybe God put me in a splint on purpose??

Totally kidding.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

{bittersweet day}

She would have loved today.

She looked beautiful and her friends and family were with her.

Her flowers were so pretty.

The service could not have been more "Mildred".

The sadness was definitely intertwined with happiness.

I've read Proverbs 31 so often and always felt overwhelmed by it; something I could never attain.

Well, maybe not me, but she did.

And, it gives me hope.

So, here's to Grandma Mildred! You will always be a HUGE part of our lives. We love you dearly and will carry your legacy with us until we see you again!

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

{beautiful day} back later.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

{sometimes parenting stinks}

I say that with the utmost love.


I have to consciously keep myself from "helicoptering" the boys. It's pretty much a constant struggle. Especially when I don't just think, but know, their little hurts will feel overwhelming pain. I try to step in and buffer that for them.

Last year when we lost Uncle Gibb, our hearts were broken. Noah "got" it {death} really for the first time. Evan was sad, but clearly did not understand what it truly meant for our family with our time left here on Earth without him. And, because of that we opted not to take Evan, and it was a good decision. It was the first time Noah attended a funeral, and he handled it as well as any of us did.

Noah understands Grandma Mildred's passing and has had a healthy amount of tears and sadness. Evan is beyond devastated. I totally expected a call from school today. He has asked us through spilling tears not to even talk to him about her or mention her name, "it hurts my heart too much."

That brings me to tonight. Family visitation and the viewing. He will adamantly say he is going to school tomorrow and will not be going to the funeral. And, then he will change his mind for a few seconds that he wants to go, and then quickly retract that. This morning, through tears he asked me "what if I change my mind after the funeral?" Although much older when my dad died, it gave me immediate flashbacks. I completely refused to go see my dad at the funeral home. Although encouraged and questioned over and over by family to make certain I would have no regrets, I stood my ground and refused to go. It got as late as you could get on changing my mind and it wasn't until after the funeral home had closed the evening before his service that I decided I HAD to see him and say my goodbye. The funeral home then graciously opened it for me and gave me all the time I needed that night. I am thankful.

I feel like it is clearly his age and tender little heart that I am trying to protect. However, I also do not want to protect so much that it negates the real fact of death from their life. How much shielding is good? or too much?

I don't think I would be wrestling so much if he had not {through sobs nonetheless} questioned me on why he didn't get to say goodbye to her. Well, he did, he just didn't know it. Because of me. Two weeks ago, I took the boys, knowing it would be the last time I would be comfortable in them seeing her. I feel that in some way I cheated them by at least not explaining it better.

I have allowed both boys to talk openly and to the best of my ability have tried to answer their endless questions. I think by trying to protect them as much as I have, I am doing them a huge disservice. Of course, our conversations have not been morbid or scary in nature, but about the true fact of eternity. I suppose I didn't want to see their pain as they said their goodbyes. That was purely for my protection.

So, tonight..I am going to let him take the lead. If he decides to go, even last minute, he will go. If he wants to go to school tomorrow, that's where he will be.

My heart just hurts for them. But, the reality is, life is very painful at times and they need to know how to feel and handle that in a healthy way.

{a thank you}

that would make Emily Post cringe as it is coming via way of the world wide web.

But, my new cell phone will not activate. Thus, no "etiquette appropriate" text or call, ha!

Thank you to sweet TH for your kindness in the McDonald's line this morning. After I got over the shock and decided I probably shouldn't run you down to "get on to you" since I was absolutely not dressed to be on the outside of any vehicle, I decided to simply pass it on....hopefully it continued. :) Love you & thank you!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


for Poppie.

His heart is so broken.

{The Yellow Shoes by Lori Walker}

I totally copied and pasted this because it makes me laugh and cry at the same time and I wanted to share. Plus, I don't want to forget. The link to her blog is

So, Lo, if you stroll over here, I'm asking for retroactive permission to post.

Without further ado, this was written by my cousin {well, technically, Scott's but she likes me more than him, so I've claimed the rights:}

LOVE it!


I suppose my quest for being fabulous was inevitable. Both of my grandmothers–while salt-of-the-earth, roll-up-your-sleeves-and-roll-out-the-dough kind of ladies–have always been fashionable in their own way. So it’s in my DNA as well as my DKNY.

My maternal grandmother, Granny Eck, believes in wearing sequins to Walmart, “nice black slacks” to sporting events, and has to start wearing Christmas sweaters prior to Thanksgiving to get through her wardrobe before December 25. She’s 86, still kickin’ and shopping, and always concerned with her attire.

Yesterday we lost my paternal grandmother, Grandma Mildred. Some of my earliest memories of her were of clomping down her hallway wearing one of the hundreds of pairs of high heels she owned. Every closet in her house was filled with shoes. She would sneak them in so my Grandpa wouldn’t realize she bought seven more pair. At once. She truly was the Imelda Marcos of Midland.

When my Grandpa Benny died 17 years ago, we were nearly late for the service because Grandma insisted on finding the yellow heels that matched her yellow purse that matched Grandpa’s favorite black and yellow dress. Because she knew, as do I, that a great outfit can brighten up a bad day, make you feel better when you’re sad, and just be… well, fabulous.

And she truly was fabulous. Here’s to the lady in the yellow shoes. She won’t be forgotten.

Monday, November 1, 2010


and alot of tears today.

"Then I heard a voice from heaven say, "Write: Blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from now on." "Yes," says the Spirit, "they will rest from their labor, for their deeds will follow them.""
Revelation 14:13 New International Version

We said goodbye to two incredible ladies today. My eyes are burning. My heart is heavy. But, I am happy that their sweet lives graced mine. I feel very blessed.

Sweet, sweet Mildred passed on this morning. Yes, we knew it was coming....but, you are never really ready to let them go. My heart breaks for my father-in-law. The exhaustion from the past few weeks has taken its toll on everyone. Tonight everyone has snuck away to their homes to try and steal away as much rest as their hearts will allow. Above all of the love and devotion she gave to our family, I will be eternally grateful for the fact that it was she and her husband who took Scott and his sister to church; where they began their relationships with Christ. I cannot put into words how much that means to me. She and Bennie literally laid the foundation for my family and generations to come. Thank you sweet, Mildred! I love you so much!

This afternoon, feeling totally torn between two families, I attended a funeral of one of my cousins. A truly beautiful woman inside and out. Her testimony sets the bar exceedingly high for all of us. Our family will never be the same without her, but without a doubt her legacy will definitely live on. And, in her situation, it feels like life was cut way too short. But, in reality, it was just as He knew it would be. Although we would have written different chapters for this part of her life, her story continues. Just not here with us. And, wouldn't you love to be known for your smile??? She was and always will be.

I could go on and on about both...but, it's almost been too much to take in for one day. Tomorrow...details will be made, more tears will be shed, explainations will be given again to two crying boys....but, in the midst of all of the grieving, I am very thankful to even have known them.