Friday, November 23, 2012


Yesterday was particularly difficult for me regarding the family
members that are no longer here on Earth with us.  I still found myself
making each of their favorite dishes. Strange, I know.  I had to turn off the Macy's
 Day Parade as that was what Grandpa and I watched together
every year since  I was tiny.  Even when I cooked for the whole
 family, I always made sure that
was on for him when he was here waiting for me to finish up. 
To see the boys play football in the backyard broke my heart knowing
that my dad never got to see them.  It was a great day but with many
apple in the throat moments with a few tears. 
We had an unexpected visit from my youngest brother who had dinner
with Shawn and his family.  Although he was warned re: the
stomach bug, he said he couldn't be this close in proximity and not
see the boys.  The boys were thrilled.  Then, I was thrilled as he
went to the storage unit with me to load up the car with
my Christmas tree and decorations.  Well, at least all that would
fit in one trip. {wink}  On the way home we talked about
our grandparents mostly and he asked me about the spring.
The spring.
I had heard about the spring my whole life but I guess
I never realized how close it actually was.  One
Thanksgiving while driving Grandpa home, he asked me
if I would like to go see if we could find it.  Well, of course.
And, it was between my house and his.   It was a day that
is completely priceless to me.  The conversations we had.  Seeing
how being in that spot took him back in time 60+ years.  We
found the spring without any difficulty and it was full and overflowing;
we both drank out of it.  Then, we ventured through the woods
to see if we could find the old home site.
This was where my grandmother lived as a girl.  This is where my
grandfather would walk miles and miles to see her as often as he could.
It was an old mining area, an area which is now reclaimed.  The
spring was the community watering source.  He walked there with
her on many occasions and gathered water for her family. We also
found the foundation of the home site.  I simply cannot
put into words how precious that day will always be to me.
It was to him too as he talked about it all the way up until he died.
So, yesterday James told me he had never been there.  I had just
gone back about two months ago and was in a complete panic as I
couldn't find it and I was fearful the land had been purchased due to
new fencing that was up with no trespassing signs.   I decided to
go back after some of the grass and growth died down. 
We found it almost immediately, a tree had fallen over it.
It was dry, but it was beautiful.  Because it had been
so full and overflowing of water the day I had been there
with Grandpa, I had not been able to see the rock work that
virtually turned it into a well.   There was a brick that
was not supporting anything, so I now have that.
A brick.
That brick is one of my most prized possessions now.
I know that sounds crazy, but to have a small
piece of something that was so dear to his heart, made
my heart really happy. 
Even though we miss them all terribly, it is amazing
how they are truly all still with us.  

Thursday, November 22, 2012

{happy thanksgiving}

Before this day is completely gone from the calendar, I wanted to jot down some of the moments purely for my sake. 

Because we were hit with some sickness {okay, the worst stomach bug I have ever witnessed one of my children go through} and Thanksgiving had to be "cancelled", we opted to enjoy every ounce of it, despite.   And, in the whole scheme of things, once I dried some little eyes over the fact that we wouldn't get to see our family, we did just that.  We had a great Thanksgiving.

Since I had not set foot off the property since we arrived home on Monday, I got a list together of favorite requests and headed to the craziness of Fort Smith at oh, about 6 pm on Thanksgiving Eve.  I know.  But, I didn't have much of a choice. 

And, by the way, a certain unnamed friend left a sweet surprise on the gate for the boys that I retreived on my way out.  And, just so you know - they have played and played with that and absolutely love it.  Thank you once again does not do justice.  But, a sincere thanks.  It whisked away some boredom in a badly needed way.

Okay, back to Sam's on the eve of Thanksgiving.  That really says it all.  So, after a quick run into two more grocery stores, a quick run home to unload and then portrait deliveries, I returned home after 10:30 pm.  Exhausted. 

This morning, knowing it would just be the four of us, allowed me to move at a much slower pace than the norm.  I actually stayed in my pj's as did the boys.   Cleaned as I went.  Listened to a blaring radio.  Donned my new Vera Bradley apron.  And, enjoyed cooking each of their favorites.  No rushing.  

I then lit the Christmas lights on the pergola.  Set a table with what I had on hand and made it "fallish".  Gathered wood, lit the outdoor fireplace and then we actually had probably the best dinner we've ever had together.  The leaves were beautiful.  The temperatures perfect.  I could hear the chickens chirping.  The conversation was silly and great. It was one of those freeze frame moments for my  heart. 

What started out to be a disappointment turned into a perfect day for us.  Very simple.  But, one I will never, ever forget. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! There are no words for how thankful and grateful I am. 

And, now, my house looks like Christmas exploded.   More on that later! ;) 

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

{it's a toss up}

I'm swimming.
Or, drowning.
It completely depends on the perspective at the moment.
Or, the moment.
Because it changes rapidly.
It's that time of the year that is very difficult
to juggle and balance, but I love it so.
The weather gave me havoc this year.
But, I think I will have everyone covered. 
My eyes are fixed.
On the weekend ahead. 
Three days away with nothing but my three boys.
A very generously, sweet client gifted us with a
weekend away.  Tucked in a lodge for three days.
My perspective at the moment causes my
heart to palpitate just a bit because three days away
seems LONG right now.  Too long. 
 But, I have a feeling when
I'm in the midst of them and come Monday
those three days will have flown quickly. 
Although I'm busier than a bee right now and my
head screams with all the reasons why I shouldn't go,
my heart is pulling me more.
I'm thinking the timing could not be more perfect.
And, I'm pretty certain that when I get back, all
 will fall into place simply because of the
much needed rest and time away.
For now, I'm back at it.
But, looking forward to Friday.
and, Saturday,
and, Sunday.