Monday, December 17, 2012

{no words}

but, many prayers for those in Newtown. 
My heart literally aches.
It was more difficult than I anticipated
on the drive to school this morning.  I had to turn off
the radio and wipe my hidden tears without them seeing me.
I 'forced' Noah to kiss me in front of his teachers.
He obliged me much easier than he would have on
any other day.  He also mouthed "I love you" as I drove away.
He knows what has happened.  Evan doesn't get it all thankfully.
I saw many mothers on the road to and from the schools wiping
tears.   Evan kissed me as he usually does and told me his usual,
"shine.  and, i'll be praying for you."  I told him the same as I always do.
I watched him walk {almost skipping} past the plain clothed police
officer standing at the front entrance without a care in the world. 
 I drove away and the tears flooded.  I wish there could be a bubble,
but I know there cannot. 
 I will have to fight this fear as it has always been a fear
to me and now it is heightened to the extreme.   They will
never know how fearful I am at times because I never want them to feel it.
I'm ready for it to be 2:50 p.m. 
He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name.

Psalm 147:4

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