{our children}

i read something this morning that made me stop in my tracks.

{my paraphrase....}

it was concerning decisions we make as spouses and parents that have

an undeniable effect on our children. and, although our children may ultimately

"be okay" through whatever consequence they have to live through because

of our choices and our actions we should filter every choice with.....

"will this or i be a stumbling block or a stepping stone" to our children.

i most definitely want to be a stone.

{sigh}

I just peeked out the window again.

I had tears.

There is no doubt if Scott is having a chicken coop

like this built for me.......the man loves me. 

A. LOT.

The chickens.....well, he could care less.

But, he knows it's something the boys and I care about.

So, he cares about it. 

I am pretty much overwhelmed at this point.

And, very, very grateful.



{oh, my}

I LOVE this story.

And, the pictures.

B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L.

All the way around.

What a 'true' love story! 

A testament to keeping that commitment,

no matter what storms blow through.

Click the link below.

Love Conquers All

{photography by noah b. walker}

I will be perfectly honest, I was holding on for dear life as I

was afraid I was going down that hill behind me. 

And, it hurt my back and neck.

But, after the terror & pain of the picture, I kind-of like it. :) 

Here is to our 22nd year together.

How in the world can that be? 

:)

{i couldn't say it better myself}

so, I will let Jennifer Lots of Scotts - The Knot

{real}

Several weeks ago I was asked to take pictures of a large family as the mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. By looking at my calendar, I had no time to do it, however, I dug in to find some room. I am so thankful I did.

The above shot was nothing posed. I caught sight of it from the corner of my eye and swung my camera around to catch that moment. The family was beyond wonderful. But, the couple we focused on completely kept me captivated. They have withstood many years together and although the disease is clearly affecting her, the unspoken love they had for each other truly took my breath away. It was completely beautiful. This love was sweet and tender and apparent. I'm almost certain if I could have sat down and chatted with them they would have told me of many ups and downs. I'm sure she made him mad and he made her crazy. I'm sure it wasn't always rosey. But, they held on. And, are still doing so today. I still get teary just thinking about it. It spoke volumes. They didn't take the easy way out; they are finishing well. I guarantee you they would love to have another 50 years together; but, like all of us, their time together is fleeting. They are nearing the end of their journey together and it made my heart so heavy. But, at the same time, so happy. They held sweet hands. I caught him looking at her in the most adoring way. They laughed and quietly smiled at each other. It was an incredible testament that can be done and they've done it very well! That day was such a blessing to me.

Minutes after I loaded this snapshot into their gallery today, I heard the following song for the very first time......completely a 'moment' I wanted to share. Here are segments from the song "Real" by James Wesley....

"Real, is the hand you hold 57 years,

Real, is the band of gold trembling with fear,

and it's the first long tear down an old man's face,

Watching his angel slip away,

His heart so broke,

it's never gonna heal.

I call that real."

So, so true! What a legacy they are building......

{skirting the issue}

Why?

I'm not sure really?

I see more and more people I know that are immersed in christianity, but completely condone it for the sake of happiness. I.really.don't.get. it. And, for the record ONCE MORE, I am not casting judgement, I am just so confused with all of it. And, when it's playing out before my eyes, it's somewhat hard to miss. Although I try.

Affairs.

Unfortunately, they happen every day. Two hours ago, CNN ran a snippet at the bottom of the screen that announced another televangelist succumbed. I have had family members and dear friends fall for the same lie. You cannot sprinkle sugar on a sour mess. I'm sorry, it's still sour.

The last two years have been beyond challenging for me. I have confronted. I have prayed. I have sought counsel on basically, WWJD, I have loved from a far, I have prayed and I have pulled back.

I have witnessed my dear, dear friend go through it from the receiving end and experienced the heart-wrenching pain as I stood my her side as we both shed thousands of tears. Her life was torn and ripped apart due to no fault of her own. Pure & utter devastation. It was beyond painful to watch.

Today I learned of another marriage demise. Another family destroyed. My heart is heavy for what this wife and children are suffering through right now.

I see other spouses/friends who have been left behind. It is devastating to watch. I can't imagine having to live through watching Scott walk away from our family and excitedly building a new one with someone else. I pray I never do, as I clearly know that no marriage is immune. But, I want to take active measures to protect mine. And, yes, there are days I would box him up and send him out with the Fed Ex man {and, I'm sure he would do the same with me}...but, really? destroy a family? a testimony? a legacy? what justifies that? I won't even go to the greener pasture lure that is guaranteed to fade like all other grasses. Been there, done that on this blog.

After so much praying over handling particular situations in the way that HE would have me handle them I have sought so much counsel. After learning today's news, I sat here and sought technological advice from a wonderful mentor....even if it by way of the Internet.....Lysa Terkeurst. I remembered reading a specific post she wrote a while back when she learned one of her very dear friends was in the midst of an affair that destroyed her sweet family. I didn't locate that one, but my search led to one in which she overheard a man in a restaurant who was clearly in the midst of destroying that legacy with these poor choices. And trust me, when I say that I have sought in how to handle these situations, I HAVE sought. And, the funny thing is, I try so hard to avoid all of this swirling around me, but every time I turn around it is THERE, regardless of my attempts to avoid. But, when I read this today, it spoke to me in a huge way....

{excerpts from the blog post @ lysaterkeurst.com}

A healthy awareness of the reality of our broken world motivates me to love lavishly today {my husband & family}, choose to trust, fill my mind with the truth of God and pray like crazy for the protection of my marriage. She went on to explain that "I know many of you were hoping I had a story of a great dramatic confrontation, but I don't. Believe me, I begged God to let me hurt him {the man in the restaurant}, I mean lovingly confront him with the truth and redemption of Jesus. But God said no.

This man is blind.

This man is deceived.

This man is dancing with the devil.

But, God did say I should pray!

She went on the say she hopes God breaks his heart in the best kind of way.

I love that. And, it's just what I needed to "hear".

{special order}

Who would have thought that when I took that order for a "cheeseburger with mustard and pickle only, fries and a coke"...that the cute little guy ordering would get a bonus of a wife and two little joys somewhere down the road?!?

So, here I am sitting in our home TWENTY ONE years later...listening to the boys play in their room, scott snoring on the couch, molly in trouble in her kennel with no air conditioning still...

Even with all of the mountains, hills and valleys we've had together...I am very grateful for our life together. We have a strong history of love and laughs that has seen us through some pretty dark days. I am excited for the days to come!

So, it's always fun to re-live that day as well as all of the early days that carried us to "here". I was IMMEDIATELY smitten with him and without a doubt knew he was "the one".

God is AMAZING!!

{Date Night}

was wonderful! Thank you FBG for investing so much into our marriages and families! It was a great night of wonderful food (HG you totally missed out as it was catered by Gregory's! AND Scott and I won a round 2 date night gift certificate to have dinner there ;), incredibly fun music, a great speaker and wonderful company {date included:}.

It truly was a fun evening. And, as I do at weddings I got mesmerized. However, instead of it being by a certain couple, it was of a certain table. Likely all into their 60's and 70's. I honestly sat there and "studied" them. And, here are some of the notes I took.....the eldest couple (70's) really captivated me. I noticed how when the drawing for the "Honeymoon Suite" was being announced they "snuggled" and giggled. I giggled just watching them. I noticed how he sat for a full minute and just gazed at her with a sweet little smile on his face. He said nothing. I noticed how she took extra time to "be pretty" for him. AND, she was so much more accessorized than I was. But, not in a "granny way" but in a very tasteful way. It was obvious that she was on a date with her sweetheart! They.held.hands. It was so sweet to think that those hands have changed a lot through the years. I also knew that they obviously had years of ups and down, but the ups won out. They are finishing strong. And, they chose to do so; it is no accident. It was beautiful!

Some notes from tonight: date your mate! Make it a point to kiss every single day. Tell each other (with sincerity) at least three times a day how much you love each other.

KISS

K: keep doing what you are doing. Obviously, we were all on a date. Absolutely keep dating.
I: invest in each other by doing something the other likes. Even if it is spending forever in a Bass Pro Shop! :)
S: spend couple time alone. Make it a priority.
S: share with others the value of having a good marriage. It is worth it!

{i think i can, i think i can}

just fyi...the exercise drama is still going on. every part of me hurts. i am determined to make this just "a given". oh, but, how i detest it right now. and, i have added the kettlebell. it was not bright to start with it after running/biking for 2 miles. i was already jello. but, let me tell you - that thing is AMAZING. it combines resistance with cardio and per the CNN (you know me) report that i saw a few weeks ago about the kettlebells, i think those girls are on to something.

i got mine at wm, but i should have started with the 5# one instead of the 10#. and, i will be honest, the girl on the dvd frightened me. her muscles are not 'toned' they are simply huge. i do not want huge. and, knowing me, i truly have no worries...but don't let it scare you. {wink!}

oh, yeah and for the highlight of it all.........i think i've gained weight. (ugh!) and, surely it has nothing at all to do with that paula deen sin i baked for easter. no way.

one more thing....sorry, this post is going in several different directions. i got scott and i a ticket for date night at church friday......anyone else going?

{another demise}

I saw a friend today. She and her husband of 16 years are separated. A total shock to me. As we stood there in the grocery store it broke my heart as she explained how she married so young and just really needed some "me time" at this point. And, she knows her husband will not wait for her forever, and that is a risk she is willing to take.

It got worse.

When I told her that I was going to pray for an amazing restoration, one that was beyond her wildest dreams.

My stomach lurched as I saw her reaction. It was as though I had just thrown cold water in her face or even worse, spit on her.

She told me very quickly..."No, do not pray we get back together. I don't want you or my mom praying for that. Just pray that it all works out for the best."

"I again, told her that was what I was praying for." She reminded me that is not a prayer she wants prayed for them.

My.heart.breaks.

{to: scott, from me}

When is our next date night?

The dress is in the mail.

It should arrive Monday.

We may need to make plans somewhere other than our last stop.....

Taco Bell. ;)

{Happy Valentine's Day}

Scott and I actually had a date night! That's the first in a long, long time. He had to leave during the movie previews and get a 2nd set of ear plugs, but he made it through. We got a late start so our plans had to be quickly rearranged. We saw Dear John - which was so good, but, I could not stop crying! So bittersweet. And, then we weren't very hungry and actually VERY tired (isn't that soooooooo incredibly sad?!?) that we stopped at a fancy place called....Taco Bell! Can you believe that? Scott got in trouble with his sister the next day but I had to confess it was my pitiful idea! It was kind-of sweet because it definitely took us back to our real dating days in which we had many late night meals there. So, it was not too terribly bad. ;)

Church was very sweet today. It definitely makes me want to fight even harder to finish well. Finish well with the one I started with. :) It was amazing that even he and I have been together 21 YEARS! Although our recent years have taken somewhat of a different spin due to some of the health obstacles - I am eternally grateful for such a wonderful and loving husband. He definitely treats me like a princess and loves me very well.

I love you with all of my heart Scott! Thank you for my incredible surprises! Happy Valentine's Day!

{love is in the air}

or.......on the mirror! A super-big thanks to our sweet Sunday School teachers....Nick and Mischelle. They had each of us little 'kits' to take home and open yesterday. It contained a explaination and two dry erase markers to write each other love notes, words of encouragement and scripture on our bathroom mirror. I love it! It takes me back to notebooks that Scott and I used to write in each day to each other on our way to work or upon arriving home. It was something we still treasure and always looked forward to! Thank you Nick and Mischelle for investing into our class as you do - such a simple idea but something that huge in the same way. I have already decided I will do the same for the boys - everyone can use some extra words of love, silliness and encouragement. :)

{one more thought}

just avoid this one if you are sick to death of my til death do us part posts. i am a little fixated as i have so many dear friends who are going through the pits of marriage despair. in typing this....in no way am i sitting in judgement, just broken heartedness. we've all been in the pits. to be honest, i've clawed my way out of a few and know without a doubt that there will be days i will slide down the walls of that pit into the stinky, slimy, pool at the bottom. but, i am hopeful, that i will just start climbing and digging my way up again.

so, if i seem a little fixated, i am actually heavily burdened...and ready to find the oxygen tank for so many so they can hold on a bit longer. then, there are the friends who have gone through the exit sign - only to voice their regrets. and, i have had dear friends who has had their hearts shattered by betrayal and although they went through the exit door - it was far from what they wanted. my.heart.hurts.

this is a recent devotional i read in my Proverbs 31 Ministry book..i did chuckle, but, that chuckle was the realization of how "real" it is...... And, it amazingly goes very well with the sermon i summarized from bro. ronnie a few weeks back.....

"i don't love my husband anymore"

by lysa terkeurst

"marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure." hebrews 13:4

i was saddened by what my friend was sharing. She was tired of her husband and because she had found the man of she dreamed of being with, she was leaving her spouse. i was shocked by her decision.

i had been in their wedding and heard the lifetime of promises made from their hearts. i had been with them to celebrate their first anniversary. i had been with them just after the births of their first and second child. i had shared their laughter, encouraged them through their tears, and enjoyed doing life with them.

while their relationship had not been perfect, they did love one another. but something was broken in their relationship, and neither of them knew how to fix it. this brokenness led to a stale quietness that seeped into their home and made each feel lonelier and more isolated. she had grown frustrated. life was busy and finances were stressful, and they stopped making time for the romantic conversations they used to enjoy. they used to be a team and felt they could beat anything life sent their way. now they just fought against each other. then she met an attentive, financially secure man who seemed to be the answer to all of her unmet longings.

she traded her life for the thrill of something new, the lure of something she perceived would be so much better.

but just two years later i ran into this friend and was stunned by her confession. with tears in her eyes she admitted that she'd discovered that fairy tales don't exist. every relationship feels exhilarating at the beginning, but then real life happens and marriage is hard work no matter whom you are married to. when i asked her to tell me about her new husband, she smiled shyly and said, "well, he's hairy."

what??

what did she just say? my mind was spinning. of all the words, all the descriptions, all the romantic terms i expected her to use, "hairy" was nowhere on the list. how telling that the man who was once so irresistible that she traded everything for, had now been reduced to one word....hairy!

i'm convinced that in marriage the grass isn't greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water and fertilize it."

wow.

being more of an optimist, i would like to say there is always hope remaining. however, i learned very clearly that is not the case in this particular instance. i believe there is a window of hope. but, once that window is sealed shut, it can be very difficult, if not impossible to open. how do i know this? by, having a very in-depth heart to heart conversation with a friend who chose the greener pasture. today, she will be the first to tell you........water your own yard. even in her particular case, i still tend to be hopeful. she reminds me..of the water under the bridge. there was a time when it would have been possible - but, she took a little too long and now....unless a complete restoration occurred from God (i'm always a hold out on this stuff) there is no way. too much pain, too many words, new relationships, scars, etc have occurred. she is regretful....but, as she says "i made my bed".

my heart breaks.

{the prelude}

"with this ring"

the wedding ring symbolizes....a never ending love with no beginning and no end...it signifies an unbroken circle of unity without beginning, middle or end. it is worn on the 4th finger of your left hand because in ancient times, it was thought that the artery in that finger was directly connected to your heart...

i recently photographed a wedding, and i cried. the minister explained the meaning behind the ring his wife had placed on his left hand on his wedding day. however, he also wore a humble circle of gold on the 4th finger of his right hand. this one signified a tremendous legacy. at the time his grandparents were married over 70 years ago, his grandfather had no money to purchase a ring. on their first Christmas together, he had saved enough to buy a small gold necklace and earrings. at another point in her life, he did buy her a ring. after 63 years of marriage, she passed away. at that time, he took the necklace and earrings and had them melted into a ring he wore. until the day he died.

the minister went on to explain the monetary value, or lack thereof - but, that someone would have to kill him to remove the ring on his right hand. as he spoke, you could not help but imagine the good and bad they had faced throughout all of those years together. days when they loved each other, days in which they probably did not even like each other. but, they were commited. they have left their family an invaluable legacy. it was a beautiful story.

the ring scott placed on my finger on our wedding day sits in the back of a drawer in a ziplock bag....in pieces. the day i realized it was beyond repair, i was devastated....absolutely, intensely devastated. it felt so personal and shocking that the ring scott had worked for that entire summer long preceding the engagement, the one he placed on my hand on "lover's leap" and on our wedding day was in pieces. so, was my heart.

but, to him, it was just a symbol and one that he would replace........

{to be continued}

{lies versus truth}

this will be a very butchered summary of today's sermon. do not let my poor job of summarization reflect what an awesome message bro. ronnie brought to us today. it was not all sugary fluff - which i love and appreciate, but, he went straight to the matter in love. and, bottom line, it is BIBLICAL....so, who can argue with that? although, we try...

this is wonderful for ANY married couple or any friend, who will very likely be in a position sooner or later to counsel or mentor another friend/couple...

i'll get straight to it....and, i will also STRONGLY suggest that you tune in to the audio on the church website (First Baptist Greenwood Arkansas)- to get the full sermon. I did add a few things that struck me during the sermon in my notes, and, included those as well.

"Satan's Lies About Marriage"

Satan's Lies versus God's Truth

Luke 6:46-49

LIE: Marriage is 50/50
TRUTH: Esphesians 5:25 - Husbands love your wife as Christ loved the church...
50/50 does not work. It is not biblical. That would make it performance based. What if God loved us and stayed in a relationship with us only if we performed our 50%. Do we ever even perform even close to 50% of what God gives us? Thank God he doesn't base our relationship on our performance. We should not base our marriage on the same. We should serve. We should love unconditionally ---- "just as Christ loved the church." Our marriage should be 100/0%. A hard pill to swallow, but, true and even more importantly....biblical. In our marriage, we should expect NOTHING back.

LIE: I can't forgive him/her for that.
TRUTH: Ephesians 4:32 - "Be kind to one another, tender-hearted.." Imagine for a moment if God chose not to forgive us. Think about what God gave to us and sacrificed for us so we could be forgiven. Do we deserve it? No. But, He did. And, will do again, over and over. NO MATTER what we do. (or, don't do) We are all flawed and need a Savior. We will hurt and get hurt in marriage.

LIE: I don't love him/her anymore.
TRUTH: (failed to write the accompanying verse of scripture)
This is exactly what Satan wants for you. For your family. Truthfully, we do not have what it takes to love our spouse. But, through God we do. Marriage is tough for everyone. The little things can escalate into an ugly monster. The marriage God designed is not based on those emotional feelings. But, His Word. This also goes hand and hand with the lie (to yourself) that "I will be happier if I divorce". Truth: Malachi 2:16 "for I hate divorce, says the Lord". Happiness was NEVER the goal for God in marriage. Happiness is based on emotions and fickle. Marriage is about commitment no matter. Today, recommit yourself to the fact divorce will NEVER be an option, never in your vocabulary. No matter.

LIE: The grass is greener.
Truth: Exodus 20:17 "do not covet your neighbors wife".
When you start thinking....they will treat me so much better, they would never talk to me like that, they could be so much better for me".....nothing but Satan's lies. Nothing more. Ask any of your friends who have crossed that fence for greener pasture...ask the ones that will be truly honest with you. With that honesty, it will be guaranteed that they will confide in you that the grass was absolutely not greener. Hopefully they will open their hearts to the regrets they have. The "He/She" they crossed the fence for....has all the flaws that we all carry.

LIE: That is just the way I am, I am not going to change. (this relationship is so far gone, it's not going to change or my feelings are gone, it's not going to change, i'm just not attracted to them anymore, we've changed, we've grown apart, and, it's over...i'm done)
TRUTH: Phillipians 4:1 "I can do all things through Christ...."
When we start thinking or saying those things......we are merely in a selfish mode. Because we are promised...we can do ALL things through HIM.

LIE: You don't need God anymore.
TRUTH: John 14:6..."I am the way..."
You decide you don't need God in your life, decisions, marriage. Part of this lie that we use is...God loves me. He wants me to be happy. I'm not happy anymore in my marriage and God wants me to be happy and basically "out of this." Satan gets us so side-tracked with this. We absolutely need to pray with and for each other. Only 5% of Christian couples actually pray together.

In summary, we can either follow God's design for marriage....or, Satan's. There is no in between. We have to take out the fluff. This is literal spiritual warfare and nothing less. There is nothing more powerful than for Satan to destroy a marriage...a family. God designed marriage, man did not. Would you ever attempt to build a dream home or an elaborate building without a blueprint? We have the architect and builder of marriages.....why would we not follow His plans but, rather, Satan's lies?

{day four?}

well, i have actually been doing fairly well with my disconnecting in order to reconnect. however, yesterday morning in a flurry to get out of the door on time, i only spent half of my quiet time and decided i would finish up my devotional later. why did i do that? after a particulary high-stress filled day that sent both scott and i past the brink.....i have a feeling.........if i had taken a few more minutes........and, read this......our day would have very likely gone differently......

from Proverbs 31 Ministries (3/19/09)

A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV)

Yesterday, I was just mindlessly looking out the window of an airport watching a few seagulls dart about overhead while airline workers were busy loading bags. Nothing about the scene outside the airport window spoke of danger. But then suddenly I remembered the flight from New York just a few weeks ago that was brought down by a few geese. That seagull that faded into the background just moments before became a point of extreme interest to me.

What if?

It's amazing if you stop to think about it that a huge airplane could be brought down by just a few birds. Birds. Who would have thought? It makes me think about other seemingly small things that can cause great destruction as well … especially when it comes to my marriage.

Words vented in frustration can seem so small.Slightly disrespectful attitudes can seem so small.Complaining about lack of finances can seem so small.Brushing off his desires can seem so small.Making mental lists of things you wish were different about him can seem so small.But each one of these seemingly small things can so easily and tragically wedge itself into the core of a marriage and send it screaming toward destruction. Entire families have been ripped apart by things that once seemed so small.

Listen to the heartbreak in this note that was anonymously posted on my blog the other day:"Girls...I know this seems small...but, it's really not. Take it from someone who has blown it more times in marriage than not. Now I have blown it enough to make myself a single mom. It's too late for me. But, it's not for you. Please be aware of the little things. I wouldn't have you join me for anything in the world. Be on your guard and protect your marriage." -Anonymous

I am challenged by this. I can't just mindlessly assume that my marriage is coasting along okay and that little problems can't topple even the most seemingly stable of legacies. I can't get complacent. I can't get prideful. I can't get lazy. I can't take the gift of my marriage for granted.I have a great marriage but sometimes I slip into automatic and stop getting as intentional as I should about investing richly and deeply into our relationship. So, I've decided to declare this my get intentional week.

Today I'll focus on my words. I'm praying for God to interrupt my mouth at every turn today. I am going to hold my tongue against saying anything careless. I am going to intentionally use my words as gifts to my husband today and nothing else.Not that one day of doing this can protect my marriage forever - but it sure is a good start. Care to join me? Oh you know there will be challenges ahead sweet sister, but I'm up for it. What about you?

Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each word I speak, I am making the choice to bless or to curse. Please help me to speak words that are pleasing to You - even when my emotions run high and my feelings beg me to betray this commitment. In Jesus' Name, Amen.


wow. well, i suppose i will go ahead and RE-declare this as my INTENTIONAL disconnecting to reconnect week/life. hmmm....seems like i just did that sunday?

{8th Commandment of Marriage}

By Bayless Conley

The Eighth Commandment of Marriage: Be a Person of Integrity

Exodus 20:15 gives us the eighth commandment for marriage,
You shall not steal.

You may be wondering how stealing applies to marriage. Simple. Not to steal is to be a person of integrity. If you are always cheating or cutting corners, it will be hard for your spouse to respect you. Your uprightness should make your marriage partner feel proud. Your spouse and your family ought to testify of your integrity. This is really one of the things at the heart of a good marriage.

If you are married to somebody, and you know they cheat their customers, it is just hard to respect that person. You cannot respect someone who does not have integrity.
This is a big issue that many people fly right by. But it is vital to a healthy and vibrant marriage because it is hard to fully give yourself to someone who does not have integrity.
If you find that your spouse is holding back, if you feel like he or she does not respect you, take a look inside and see if you are compromising with your integrity. Do you cheat on your taxes? Do you tell that “little white lie” to protect yourself or gain an advantage?

Do you represent yourself one way, when in fact in your heart you believe something totally different? Are you like the man Solomon speaks of in Proverbs 23:7? For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. “Eat and drink!” he says to you, but his heart is not with you.

If this is an issue in your life, take it to God today. He will help you become the person of integrity He desires you to be. And when you do, you will find your spouse will come to respect you, and your marriage will be strengthened!

{7th Commandment of Marriage}

I get the hint. I'm listening. This very morning, not only did I think about wrapping up this series (that was started months ago!) , but, I also received an email request asking for the remainder installments just this afternoon.. So, I will post Commandments 7-10 over the next few days.

I will be honest, this is one that I dreaded posting. It is very important of course, but, a.tad.uncomfortable. for me to post to my G-rated blog. Which is what was likely to be the real reason behind the "stall". However, in saying that.....it is taken straight from the Bible. It is a reality we all need to be reminded of. This hits way too close to home way too often. So, just read on....

Again, the author is Bayless Conley and I love the fresh approach she took when she related the 10 Commandments to Marriage in the way in which she did.

The seventh commandment brings us to one of the most vital principles of having the marriage God intends. Exodus 20:14 simply says,

“You shall not commit adultery.”
In a marriage, you would be hard pressed to imagine anything more damaging than your spouse being unfaithful. But being faithful is not only being faithful in action, but also in thought.
Again, Jesus expanded on this in Matthew 5, and I want you to read these words very carefully. He said, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”

Having a lustful, exploitive disposition has no place in marriage. Love gives; lust takes. Love serves; lust demands. Love nourishes; lust chokes. What a wonderful gift God has given us in this thing called sex. It was His idea. It is just as holy as when you lift your hands in church and worship Him. It is God’s idea within the context and the confines of marriage. It should be enjoyed. But lust has no place in marriage. It is a poison that will destroy the fabric of your relationship with your spouse.

Men, do not even entertain the thought of allowing pornography into your life. It can destroy your marriage. You are committing heart-adultery when you look at pornographic images and lust after another woman. Do not let the devil have that ground in your heart and life.
This is such a vital command, we are going to stay on this subject for a little longer. I will share with you three ways to affair-proof your marriage.

Affair-Proof Your Marriage with Positive Affirmation

The first way to affair-proof your marriage is to season your marriage with affirming communication.

In Song of Solomon 7:1-6 we read of how Solomon affirmed his bride,
How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O prince’s daughter! The curves of your thighs are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skillful workman. Your navel is a rounded goblet; it lacks no blended beverage. Your waist is a heap of wheat set about with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower, your eyes like the pools in Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon which looks toward Damascus. Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel, and the hair of your head is like purple; a king is held captive by your tresses. How fair and how pleasant you are, O love, with your delights

Solomon knew it was vital for him to compliment his bride’s body, because, as you read in chapter 1, it is evident that it was an area of insecurity for her. This Shulamite was a country girl. She said, “Do not look on me for I am dark.” She was tan from working out in the vineyards. And compared with the fair-skinned, pampered ladies of the court, she felt very insecure.
So Solomon very wisely builds her up in the area where she feels most insecure.
Speak affirming words to your mate rather than tear him or her down. If your spouse is starved for positive affirmation, and it does not come from you, it opens a door of temptation. The devil will send someone to give insincere compliments, and if a person is starved for it, they gravitate towards it. Praise one another lavishly. It is an important thing to do.

Affair-Proof Your Marriage with Companionship
The second way to affair-proof your marriage: being a companion to your spouse, spending time together just enjoying each other’s company.

Back in Song of Solomon 7 we read this in verses 10-13,
I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me. Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved. Notice that Solomon and his bride just hung out together. It was a vital part of their relationship. And so must it be for any thriving marriage.

If you have drifted apart, I suggest you each make a list of things you like to do, or things that you might like to try. It could be anything from antique hunting, going to garage sales, taking walks, bicycling, fishing, going to museums, watching football, shopping, gardening, snorkeling, reading, sky diving, cooking, hiking, puzzles, photography, whatever. Once you have made your lists, compare them and see where things overlap. Then find two or three things, and endeavor to do those things together. Have fun together. Set time apart to do at least one activity together every couple of weeks. If you have kids, get a babysitter so it is just the two of you. It will be the best gift you could give your children.

If you do not do things together, you will find yourselves drifting apart.

Affair-Proof Your Marriage Through Intimacy
The third way to affair-proof your marriage is by making intimacy a priority.

Let me take you back to the Scripture we read yesterday, Song of Solomon 7:10-13,

am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me. Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages. Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved.

These verses paint a beautiful picture of intimacy between a husband and wife. Couples need to have physical intimacy. In fact, the New Testament commands the husband and wife not to deprive one another except by mutual consent, and then only if they are going to fast and pray.
So how do you create an atmosphere of intimacy? It starts with affirming your spouse. Notice that Solomon has been affirming his wife, complimenting her, building her up.

Now guys, you need to understand that women are wired differently than you. In order for a woman to be intimate, she needs to speak and be spoken to. You have to create an atmosphere for intimacy. For most husbands, they just catch a glimpse of their wife in the shower and they are ready to go. But for women, it starts differently than that. She is aroused by words, sincere words, and it usually starts around breakfast time.

Take time today to create an atmosphere of intimacy. If you do, you will be on your way to experiencing true intimacy. What are the results of deliberate effort to foster intimacy?
Solomon has been complimenting his wife and affirming her. Look at her response to that affirmation in Song of Solomon 7:10, I am my beloved’s, and his desire is toward me.
She is digging it! She is saying, “He really loves me!” Solomon’s affirmation of his bride has created this atmosphere of intimacy. And look what she says next in verse 11,
Come, my beloved, let us go forth to the field; let us lodge in the villages.
She is grabbing Solomon’s hand and saying, “Let’s get a hotel room!” Then there are verses 12-13, Let us get up early to the vineyards; let us see if the vine has budded, whether the grape blossoms are open, and the pomegranates are in bloom. There I will give you my love. The mandrakes give off a fragrance, and at our gates are pleasant fruits, all manner, new and old, which I have laid up for you, my beloved.

Friend, catch what is going on. Solomon has affirmed his wife saying, “Honey, you are beautiful! I am so glad I married you. I married out of my league. You are wonderful. Your body is great. I am so happy!”

Her response? “Wow, he loves me. I’ll tell you what, let’s go away and have a little love vacation. Let’s take a few days off.” That is enough to get any husband inspired to rent a hotel room!

If you want to affair-proof your marriage, make intimacy a priority!