{trying to make lemonade}

out of lemons as only she could.

Through tears, Aunt Wanda, I know that you are having

an "absolutely FAB-u-lous" first day in Heaven - as only you

could say it.  I know you've already kissed Dad, but kiss

him once for me.   I will always carry you in my heart and

forever remember how you always made me smile {well,

and Sheila and I laugh until we hurt} with your little positive

words.  You were always and will always be "fabulous."

Aunt J & Aunt Kathy - I love you so much.  

 And, I'm so, so sorry.

{summer plans}

"glam"ping. ;) 

so, so excited.  it's about all that is getting me through 

this work escapade. 

{i'm still here}

although actually sitting HERE at my computer has not been a priority of
late.  At least not to blog.  Things like squeezing what little time I have left in
my day before the boys go to bed once I get home from the firm into "family
time" has been the priority.  And, I feel like I've failed at it miserably.

And, I'm on here only for a moment because I have a hot cooked

meal on the stove for a change.  We'll be sitting around the table tonight. 

I actually made a decision to stay home today to get some things done 

that have been direly neglected like laundry, cleaning, getting bills paid,

photography work etc, etc, etc

Will be back soon!

BUT, in the meantime...know that I am dreaming of the beach

when I am organizing 1,478, 811 pages of medical records.

Well, and cupcakes at the beach {THAT was actually a dream a 

few weeks back for real.  TH was involved, although she didn't know it and

what happened??? The alarm clock before I made it to the cupcakes!!} 

{yesterday}

was overwhelming. 

 i knew with every part of me it would be very,

very difficult.  but, it ended up being even beyond that.  i hate, hate

goodbyes.  my family was overtaken with grief and it was hard

to be in the midst of it.  i have much to write, but i need to 'be' in it

myself for a while longer.  i haven't even been able to verbally

share it all with scott yet.   just too, too much.

{another goodbye...}

way too soon.  

I came out of church last night to many missed calls

and texts; as I was texting one of my cousins to see

what was going on....my mom finally rang through.  

It's NEVER a good feeling, because

you know at that point whatever you are about to learn,

is.not.good.   And it wasn't.  As I sit here and type it, I still cannot believe

it.  But, my cousin from Sapulpa had died about an hour

before I got out of church.  She had undergone a routine cervical fusion

on Thursday....everything had gone great.  Saturday, she suddenly

became nonresponsive, had to be placed on life support and had

passed away soon before the phone calls and messages

started coming in.

She and her brothers would come in every summer and

split about a 3 or 4 week stay between our house, my grandpa's

and my aunts.  She was only about 3 years older than me.  I have

not yet grasped it.  At all.  She had a heart of gold and no matter

what was going on, always had a smile on her face.

I saw her at another funeral about 8 months ago or so.  Last

night I relived that conversation over and over in my mind.

Today, I did not want to stay in the house

all day by myself, so I ran errands to get ready for the trip

 for her funeral.  Truthfully, I do not want to see my aunt or my cousins,

it is going to be so painful.  I'd honestly rather avoid, but I can't. 

My heart is so heavy.....

{pretty much perfect}

i.am.savoring.

today.

it has been pretty great thus far.

actually totally great.

after weeks and weeks of stressful chaos,

the skies are parting and i'm beginning to breath.

a bit.

still so much to do, but some major projects have been

tackled and completed. yay! i still have my nursing

license despite the hurricane hitting my testing center last week.

so, i have 40 hours under my belt instead of the required 15.

all is good. 

i had my quiet time on the patio this morning with a wonderful

devotion and a yummy cup of coffee.

while listening to my rooster crow.

laundry on the clothes line.

working in my pj's in the living room. with the

boys playing and reading around me.

music playing all morning.  no television.

a freshly cut lawn.

a sleeping dog.

and, a sleeping husband with a headache. :(

that part is not good at all. 

a playful kitty.

boys i can hear a room away playing legos.

and, giggling.

a pumpkin spice candle burning.

razorbacks with starting quarterback tyler wilson

playing at 6 pm.  WPS!!!!!

family coming over with pizza to watch said game.

heading out early in the morning for a final weekend

with summer.   our last hooray.  the smiles on the boys face will make

the crowd worth it.  {praying daddy gets to go this time}.

my fall calendar looks good. balanced. 

i've learned to say no.

and, i'm proud as terrible as that sounds.

countdown is on for new puppy, savannah.

cannot wait to get my hands on her.

i am feeling overly blessed.

overly happy.

overly content.

and, even though a to-do list that would

make any sane person cringe is still staring at

me.  i know the end is in sight.

my goal for getting everything under control:  to spend

more quality time with my family & friends both near and far. :)

{counting down the days}

Be still, and know that I am God.  Psalms 46:10.  

I am counting down the days.

We have planned a little get away to

totally unplug.  I am beyond excited.

Work is overwhelming right now.

We have six MD appointments this week.

I have a nursing class for CEU's today & tomorrow.

We are definitely in need of a respite.

It is booked, so no backing out now. ;)  

C.A.N.N.O.T.  W.A.I.T.

{right about now....}

I am pretty much DYING to be back here. 

Last year, it was up in the air as to whether we would go or not. 

And, we didn't even make the decision until VERY last minute. 

The year before was wonderfully amazing. 

And, this year, it's not in the plans at all.  IF we go anywhere a) we hope it's

the hospital for Scott's treatment or b) if a falls through we will be heading

to the east coast with the in laws.  It will be our first vacation with them since well

before Evan arrived.   Sad I know.  But, I'm thinking we may have to pack

TH in our suitcase as we will HAVE to visit a beach or two.

And the Outer Banks is there!   

Definitely a different look, but a beach nonetheless.

Can toes crave sand?  That pile in the backyard is not working. 

{shells}

A treasure trove of tiny shells on the riverbank. 

Our pockets were overflowing.

{back in time}

In every sense of the word.

Literally.

No phone service {unless we drove into town} and no internet

until the last night.

I don't have enough time to upload the pictures now, but wanted to get

a few thoughts {memories} down before they slipped my brain.

Because right now, I am crying at my desk {not really} because I got

home this morning from Scott's OT to find that about 87 of my 90+,

BEAUTIFUL, HEALTHY strawberry plants were attacked, eaten and

ripped from the ground last night while we were sleeping.  The war

is on.  I think I may be sitting out in my car all night with a gun tonight. 

I'm not really kidding. 

**first trip with both of my brothers and family/wife - great time!

**stayed in a wonderful lodge in the middle of nowhere

**four-wheeler and ranger riding along nice and not-so-nice trails

**lodge owner plane fly-bys as we had our hotdog roast and sat by the fire

**a boy named Stonewall

**a dog named Colonel 

**a night cave entry on the property by flashlight.  HELLO bats!

**the white river

**bible study catch-up next to a waterfall

**hiking {snakes are out}

**trout fishing

**one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen:  Blanchard Springs Cavern {a MUST see!!} 

**a lot of history learned

**holding hands with my SIL as we plunged down a trail {unknown to her it was my hand}

**a town square

**food poisoning by many on night #1.

**antique heaven......I thought of TH.    

**laughs, laughs and more laughs.....

{if only}

I wish I had an eraser that could simply delete

this date from the calendar.

I said goodbye to my daddy 24 years ago today.

It still hurts so horribly its shocking.

I.love.you. 

{bragging rights}

It is very worthy of noting that my beautiful niece Syd is officially #1 in her class at Southside. No small feat! The stinkin' smarty pants {a true term of endearment} will be a junior in college when she graduates high school!! Unbelievable!

So proud of you sweet girl!

Love you dearly....

{twinklings}

stovetop popcorn.

family movie in front of the fire.

lots of snuggly blankets and snuggling going on.

boys at home.

if i died right now, i would die a happy, contented mommy!

but, we'll save that that for another 50 years. :)

{heaven on earth}

the last three nights i have unplugged from my computer {remaining edits and orders} and been totally 'mom' once they got home.

amazingly wonderful and refreshing!

it has been, well, indescribable really.

i think i totally forgot the feel of how it is suppose to be!

thus, i am savoring,

now...to get back at it so i can savor some more tonight.......

{kleenex, please}

THIS is what the season is all about. Nothing else is needed to be said.

http://arkansasmatters.com/news-fulltext?nxd_id=378837

Love and prayers to the McClung family!!

{real}

Several weeks ago I was asked to take pictures of a large family as the mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. By looking at my calendar, I had no time to do it, however, I dug in to find some room. I am so thankful I did.

The above shot was nothing posed. I caught sight of it from the corner of my eye and swung my camera around to catch that moment. The family was beyond wonderful. But, the couple we focused on completely kept me captivated. They have withstood many years together and although the disease is clearly affecting her, the unspoken love they had for each other truly took my breath away. It was completely beautiful. This love was sweet and tender and apparent. I'm almost certain if I could have sat down and chatted with them they would have told me of many ups and downs. I'm sure she made him mad and he made her crazy. I'm sure it wasn't always rosey. But, they held on. And, are still doing so today. I still get teary just thinking about it. It spoke volumes. They didn't take the easy way out; they are finishing well. I guarantee you they would love to have another 50 years together; but, like all of us, their time together is fleeting. They are nearing the end of their journey together and it made my heart so heavy. But, at the same time, so happy. They held sweet hands. I caught him looking at her in the most adoring way. They laughed and quietly smiled at each other. It was an incredible testament that can be done and they've done it very well! That day was such a blessing to me.

Minutes after I loaded this snapshot into their gallery today, I heard the following song for the very first time......completely a 'moment' I wanted to share. Here are segments from the song "Real" by James Wesley....

"Real, is the hand you hold 57 years,

Real, is the band of gold trembling with fear,

and it's the first long tear down an old man's face,

Watching his angel slip away,

His heart so broke,

it's never gonna heal.

I call that real."

So, so true! What a legacy they are building......

{blissful thinking}

it's a constant struggle right now.

this time of year makes it that way for me.

i am literally "craving" domestic activities from decorating, to purging/organizing, cooking yummy comfort foods, reading multitudes of big books {as evan would say}, snuggling in winter pj's {even the ones that noah destests. the ones with the moose on them.}, listening to loads of christmas music, burning candles like there's no tomorrow, watching movies, folding warm laundry {yes, that is true!} but, typically i only want to do that for about a week or two. the laundry that is.

but, not yet as this computer is still beckoning me loudly.

i may, however, slip in a break or two this weekend.

happy weekend everyone!

ps...thanks for all the texts/emails/messages re: scott and evan. evan is doing well with no further complaints. fingers crossed there. poor scott...it is hard to watch this.....it is like the never-ending labor. i feel so bad for him!! he's being a trooper though. not sure we'll make it through this night without a trip to the er. my poor mom could not take it today and actually laid hands on him to pray. very sweet.

{let the games begin!}

We spent alot of time playing games this weekend. The type that does not require batteries. Good, old-fashioned board games.

They were a big hit! I'm not one that loves games at all but I will take a board game anyday over anything electronic.

Noah is teaching us {I should say, Scott as I gave up!} to play chess.

Evan & I stuck with checkers.

It's definitely a weekend we will remember! And, it was so nice to be without all of the electronic gadgets for a change. :)

{weekend respite}

Our weekend for two turned into a weekend for four. Which was perfectly fine and much needed. The recent weeks have been very strained so a very quiet weekend away was great. And, I think we got to enjoy the peak of fall foliage - it was beyond beautiful!!!! And, thankfully it "felt" very much like fall with temperatures in the 30s & 40s. Perfect!

Thankfully, I did pull out the camera. Unfortunately, I didn't take many pictures of the leaves until just before we made our way back down the mountain Sunday afternoon......I pulled over and snapped a few. The colors were unbelievable.

This is us in the rocking chairs at the front entrance of the lodge. It was a beautiful place to sit and relax with the exception of the fact it was 42 degrees!

I barely caught the sunset from the restaurant.

Of course, E's favorite thing to collect....rocks! His pockets were full, my pockets were full, my car was full.......he is obsessed! At least it isn't an expensive obsession. ha!

A perfect opportunity to talk about the wonders of creation!

Not a happy camper as he was banned from getting too close to the edge.

He spent most of his time in trees of course.

Watching Dad.


So pretty!

We had a really great time doing pretty much nothing! The boys were so happy to be able to go. I tried to push aside my panicked thoughts of all I had to do at home. I made myself "unplug" and did NOT drag a computer with me. We played lots of board games, ate way too much junk food, slept in, and watched a ton of movies snuggled up together. A very simple, but MUCH needed weekend. So happy I didn't reschedule! I think it gave me the reboot I needed to get through the next couple of weeks work-wise. The lodge is such a beautiful place and close enough to get away easily. Great memories!

{bittersweet day}

She would have loved today.

She looked beautiful and her friends and family were with her.

Her flowers were so pretty.

The service could not have been more "Mildred".

The sadness was definitely intertwined with happiness.

I've read Proverbs 31 so often and always felt overwhelmed by it; something I could never attain.

Well, maybe not me, but she did.

And, it gives me hope.

So, here's to Grandma Mildred! You will always be a HUGE part of our lives. We love you dearly and will carry your legacy with us until we see you again!

10 A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.