{big words}

"Children should have the best of their mothers........"

Charlotte Mason

I LOVE that!

And, need to remember that often.

{our children}

i read something this morning that made me stop in my tracks.

{my paraphrase....}

it was concerning decisions we make as spouses and parents that have

an undeniable effect on our children. and, although our children may ultimately

"be okay" through whatever consequence they have to live through because

of our choices and our actions we should filter every choice with.....

"will this or i be a stumbling block or a stepping stone" to our children.

i most definitely want to be a stone.

{neglect?}

I'm on a roll tonight.

I was tucking Noah in and he made a verbal note of

the fact that he has been wearing only underwear and t-shirt

to bed x the last three nights.  This is quite odd for him since 

he is VERY modest.  Yes, I had noticed, but hadn't said a word. 

Then he quips in, "yes, I've had to wear this because no one seems

to be doing the laundry around here anymore."

Nice.  

{oh, yeah, I forgot about that}

8:27 pm - Me:  Evan stop playing that game and go brush your teeth, it's bedtime.

8:28 pm - Evan is still playing.  Me:  Evan stop playing that game, it's bedtime.  Evan:  can I try this one more time, it doesn't take very long.  Me:  No, Evan.  Are you obeying right away, all the way and with a happy heart?                                                          

8:29 pm - Evan:  ohhhhhhhhh noooooooo, I forgot about that.  Me:  What part did you mess up on?   Evan:  well, all of it really.  But, it isn't really my fault because  it's been like a year since you used that on me.   Me:  Do you think you should start back at it?   Evan:  yea, pretty much.

Breathe.

{great day}

Today was a really, really great day. 

I plan on wallowing in it all week as the week ahead

does not look too appealing. 

Our sermon today was great.  We are still in

Ephesians and I'm soaking in every word. 

Now, to apply it like I should. 

And, we started our new Life Group class today.

It was somewhat bittersweet as we left the one

we had been in since we began at FBG. 

Although, for a significant amount of time we 

have not even been hit or miss in our old class -

 more like miss and miss some more.  Terrible actually.

But, we started fresh today and absolutely loved it and

am looking forward to the new journey.  It is

focused on parenting, particularly middle school parenting.

Troy quoted  a portion of the following from J.C. Ryle and

it hit my heart directly....and, I know it will be read over

and over by me for many years to come.....

“Precious, no doubt, are these little ones in your eyes; but if you truly love them, then often think about their souls. Nothing should concern you as greatly as their eternal destiny. No part of them should be so dear to you as that part which will never die.

“This is the thought that should be uppermost on your mind in all that you do for your children. In every step you take about them, in every plan, and scheme, and arrangement that concerns them, do not leave out that mighty question, ‘How will this affect their souls?’

“A true Christian must not be a slave to what’s currently ‘in-fashion,’ if he wants to train his child for heaven. He must not be content to teach them and instruct them in certain ways, merely because it is customary, or to allow them to read books of a questionable sort, merely because everybody else reads them, or to let them form bad habits, merely because they are the habits of the day. He must train with an eye to his children’s souls. He must not be ashamed to hear his training called odd and strange. What if it is? The time is short—the customs of this world are passing away. He that has trained his children for heaven, rather than for the earth—for God, rather than for man—he is the parent that will be called wise in the end.”

~ J.C. Ryle

Awe. 

   I have only  read a bit about J.C. Ryle, but, it looks as though I will be reading more.
From what I have quickly read, his writings are very intriguing. 

And, from a little research,  there is a lot to read by this man.

But, how true is the above??  It made me stop dead in my tracks and really
examine some things in my life.......our family life.   It is amazing how even
 the smallest decisions we may make on a day to day basis as just part of the
 ebb and flow can/may/will have a most definite impact on their literal souls.  

Yes, my perspective changed instantly. 
We didn't really discuss the following, but, I have
been pondering it all day.  And, likely will be all night.

 I think I've always tried to be the best mom I could with their souls 
always very apparent to me.  I've always tried to make the moments
 matter, etc.

But, it was easier to keep my eye on the prize when
 I was thinking in those terms with my "mom-brain." 
But, this quote took me much deeper. 
What about the "little things"
that I may personally do, or not do;
those things that are not necessarily associated
with me being their mom,
but maybe as a friend, wife or daughter.  
The things they see or hear me do, or maybe the things
that only I would know about such as holding grudges, judging, 
holding onto bitterness..."the hidden things".

The things that actually separate me from God. 
They don't have to be one of the "big ten" to be 
disastrous nonetheless.  And, honestly, those are probably
the most dangerous of all to all of those around us. 

Things I think they may not be aware of because I'm not necessarily
 in mommy-mode when I am harboring them.  
If I am separated, how can I effectively be cultivating the utmost of their little souls?

The truth is, I can't.

  Every moment matters. 
Every thought counts. 
 Every unconfessed sin corrupts.

Yes, this mommy had a major eye-opening experience as
I fought back the tears when I heard the above quote. 
 It took me to a much deeper examination of my own heart.  
Because if my heart is not in the right place, how can I help 
authentically lead theirs to the right place.

The eternal place.

Heavy? Yes.  

Easy? No.

But.......I'm honored to be the one. :)

A definite work in progress.

{shout out}

to working moms. 

And, stay at home moms, because they work oh so hard as well. 

Over the past several weeks, I've been helping out at the law firm a lot.  The project is

beyond stressful, the days are long, I have to juggle school pick-ups and MD appointments

on a pretty much daily basis.  Then, I've been going home to try and catch-up on ordering, editing,

checking/returning emails/phone calls, and in between the rain - completing sessions.

It has taxed me in a huge way.  I feel so guilty.  Although it is temporary and it has refocused

me on being more grateful for my "work at home" job(s)........the end is not clearly in sight as of yet.

I think I'm getting there, just not certain when.  And, to add to a very unbalanced schedule

that is actually becoming a tad {to say the least} overwhelming for me....through in

the rain havoc which is leading to numerous reschedules on an already overbooked calendar and

horrible computer issues over the past week.

Breathe.

Breathe.

and, breathe a little more.

I found this today from LifeWay.

I'm adding it here, so I can search and find it when I put myself in the place again.

I hope hope I don't, but I think I have the natural tendency to do so.

How to Find Balance as a Working Mom

Written by Marie Armenia

This article is courtesy HomeLife magazine.

It’s 11:30 a.m. on Wednesday, and Tracy has just received a call at work from her child’s elementary school. Her son is ill and needs to be picked up. Tracy quickly reviews her options:

   

• Option A: Call her mom. (No, she’s away on vacation.)   
• Option B: Call her husband. (No, he has an all-day meeting with an important client today.)  
• Option C: Call her neighbor, a stay-at-home mom, and ask for help. (Sounds good, but her call gets no answer. She must be out running errands.)   
• Option D: Tell her boss she needs to leave now but will return later this evening to complete her work. (This would most likely be met with hesitation and a deep sigh of discontent. It would also mean missing her daughter’s first solo with the children’s choir at church tonight.)   

After battling tears of frustration, Tracy settles on a modified option D: Leave now, go to church tonight, get up at 4 a.m. tomorrow, and go into the office early to complete today’s work. Sure, she’ll be exhausted, but isn’t she always?

The Struggle To Juggle

Being exhausted is just one part of Tracy’s learning to manage the demands of being a good wife, mom, and employee. And Tracy isn’t alone. According to the U.S. Department of Labor’s Bureau of Labor Statistics, in 2002 there were 42.7 million working mothers who had children under the age of 18 still living at home.   

Like Tracy, Lisa Baltz, a 45-year-old business analyst, is a working mom. Lisa has the advantage of hindsight since her two daughters are now grown, but she still remembers clearly the challenge of trying to balance her responsibilities at home and work.   

“Sleep deprivation and exhaustion was something I struggled with, in addition to not having any time for myself,” says Baltz.   But looking back, Baltz sees how her working was the best choice for her family, given their circumstances. And she did find many ways to balance family and work successfully. If you’re a mom who works outside the home, you can also learn to successfully balance the mother load.

Making it Work

Plain and simple, moms who successfully balance family and work have one thing in common: They do what it takes to make family their number-one priority when they’re not at work. If you take a closer look, you’ll notice they have several similarities in their approaches.

These working moms:   

Have accepting and expecting attitudes. They accept their situation and expect God to give them the wisdom and strength to balance it all to His glory. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, they “always [face] tomorrow with a smile” (The Message).   

If you know that your working is the best option for your family, pray daily for God to give you the wisdom to know how to make the most of your time and to make the best decisions possible for your family. And don’t waste your time complaining about how heavy your load is; focus on finding ways to make it work.   

Become the queen of routine. These moms know that kids flourish when they know what to expect and what’s expected of them. There are bedtime routines, morning routines, and weekly routines. And these schedules aren’t just for the kids. When parents follow routines, too, it sets a good example for children and helps to keep life saner for everyone. Again, these working moms take their cue from the woman in Proverbs 31, who “keeps an eye on everyone in her household, and keeps them all busy and productive” (The Message).   

Sticking to routines gives your children a sense of security. If you haven’t made routine a priority in your home, try one small routine at a time, and do it without fail for one month. Then continue to add other routines one at a time.   

Say no sometimes. Without apologies, explanations, or guilt, these moms feel free to decline requests that infringe on their family time. They realize saying yes to one thing means saying no to something else, such as a meaningful conversation with their husband, playing a game with their children, or catching up on laundry.   Pray about which activities you should be involved in, and learn to say no to the rest. If you have a hard time saying no to others’ requests, begin by postponing your yes. When asked, say something like, “I’ll give it some thought.” Then think carefully about which activities you should commit to.   

Say yes to offers of help. There aren’t any Superwoman costumes hidden in the back of these ladies’ closets. They’re only human, and they know it.  If someone wants to “fulfill the law of Christ” by helping to carry your burdens (Galatians 6:2), by all means let her. If Grandma offers to help with laundry, take her up on it. If your neighbor offers to baby-sit, say yes. Rather than thinking that needing help is a sign of failure, consider it part of God’s grace to help you through each day.   

Learn to delegate. As part of a family, these women ask other family members to take responsibility for their part. Mary Whelchel, founder of The Christian Working Woman ministry says, “Working mothers make a mistake by not requiring the children to carry their share of the work load.” She suggests displaying a chart somewhere in the house that lists each family member’s responsibilities. “Not to do that,” she says, “is to rob your children of learning to be disciplined and that you have to work for things.”   And remember, your goal should be cooperation, not perfection. As Whelchel says, “A thin coat of dust on the furniture protects the family.”   

Find ways to stay healthy. First, that means getting enough sleep. Losing a full night of sleep for just four nights in a row has been shown to cause physical reactions such as memory loss, diabetes, and hypertension.   If you’re not healthy, you cannot successfully balance your responsibilities to your family and your job. Begin by making sleep a priority, limiting sugar and caffeine at night, and taking time for an occasional bubble bath to keep yourself mentally healthy.   

Create support systems. One group of working moms created an exclusive e-mail encouragement group to voice concerns, find solutions, and keep up with school activities. Some moms plan their weekly grocery shopping together as a fellowship time, and others take their cue from Titus 2:3-4 and enter into mentoring relationships with older women at church.  Whatever you do, create a support system, whether it’s a mentoring relationship or a group of godly women who will support you and challenge you to grow.   

Kiss guilt goodbye. Rather than feeling guilty, successful working moms have a confident assurance they are accomplishing God’s will for their lives. Whelchel gives this advice for identifying guilt: “True guilt comes when you are in disobedience to the Lord. You know specifically what it is. As soon as you obey, the guilt goes away. False guilt is a non-specific feeling of not measuring up, but you’re not sure exactly why.” To defeat false guilt, Whelchel advises getting in the Word and “finding a Scripture verse every day.”   While these tips aren’t guaranteed to make everything in your life go smoothly, they can help you strike a balance so that when you’re home, you’re really home.

Option E

By the way, Tracy’s Wednesday turned out better than she expected. Her husband’s schedule wasn’t as inflexible as she thought, and he was able to get their son from school. Later that evening, as she sat in church listening to her daughter sing, Tracy thanked God for being her Counselor and Guide.   

For that day, she chose to focus on Option E: eternal life. She reminded herself that her “light affliction is producing for [her] an absolutely incomparable eternal weight of glory” (2 Corinthians 4:17).

Marie Armenia is a freelance writer living in Spring Hill, Tenn.

The above struck my heart in so many ways.   

One of my biggest mistakes is in the sleep deprivation area.  I used to be a "champion" {I use that term very loosely} in that arena, but, it's not quite so easy for me of late.  My body is rebelling in a big way.  I used to almost take pride in the fact I didn't seem to require a lot of sleep, but, that was totally a false illusion.  Maybe I'm learning in my advancing age?  Or just giving up?  

I love her insight to accepting and expecting attitudes.  My greatest desire:  to be a 100% stay at home mom.  The end.  However, our circumstances do not allow that.  I am extremely blessed to have the ability to work at home on a professional level for the law firm.   And, although at times, I know I have taken that for granted, I am very thankful.   To be honest, that is not the most fulfilling work.  My photography gives me probably much more than I ever give.  And, it's not even really a source of income as my accountant will attest, I'm in the red. :)  But, it's just a very good outlet for me as I don't get the same "emotional" return from the medical records.   And, I do think this is an area as I have tried to  tweak and improve in the past, but it clearly warrants looking at again for a better sense of balance.    I definitely need to focus more here.  Again. 

Routine, I am usually fairly strong here.  But, with me being gone so much lately.  That routine has pretty much flown out the window.   Need to get this back on track in a big way. 

Saying no.  I'm shocking even myself.  And, strangers.  I have learned I can't do it all, even though I try to pretend I can.  Although I may not have any time to squeeze out of my schedule {as in our all day Easter party and Spring Fling} that was something that was very important to my kids - so it was important to me and I tweaked other things.  To be honest, I was stressed the whole time, but I kept going to what she mentioned initially........making the best decision possible, making the most out of it........I had to grab on to it and although I haven't "made up" that lost time, I will.  And, on that same line, I was asked {in front of a room full of moms if I could do something specific and SOMEHOW not only did I decline, I did so in front of the eyeballs of 20+.  It was painfully hard and although I almost retracted, I knew it was the right thing to do.  Because it wasn't about the "gift" I would be giving, but the time that would be involved.  Time away from the priorities that must be tended to now.  

Oh, so hard, the offers of help!!!!  Probably my biggest problem area.  I have BLESSED with friends & family that I can honestly leave my children with and have no worries.  Really, if I die tomorrow, you know who all of you are..........PLEASE stay involved in the lives of my boys.  You have been and are that much of a treasure to this mom's heart.  There have been times that although I cringed, had a sick stomach and wanted to do anything but take you up on your offers.....I don't know what I would have done without your help.  It's not just letting my kids sleep over for the night or driving up to a hospital in the middle of the night to retrieve a child fro me or get a call while you are in the school pick-up line and I am not.........although it takes every part of me to say yes or to make that call....your help to me has been priceless and there really are no words.  And, in that same category....my brother and SIL.   There is no way on earth I could have made it the past several years without them.  Someday.......I may tell him that he has truly been my hero.  But, not yet. :)  And, my SIL - same there.  She would drop anything at any time even though her hands are overly full.   And, when he is here, he is not there.......I don't take that for granted.  The night my dad died when Shawn and I stood in horror in our bathroom in the minutes that followed after we knew he was gone......he looked in that mirror we stood in front of and told me that he would take care of us.......and that he has.  More than he will ever know!!  He was only 13 and had no idea what my future would hold.  He has kept his promise.  The only thing I wish I could change were that 1) I didn't require the help at all or as much as I do and definitely 2) that someday, somehow I can be there for you in a small, small way as you have for me.   Whew!  I'm having a tear flood right now!

Guilt - well, I'm working on that.  

So, this article was huge to me and I want to keep it here so I can return to it.  And, hopefully there are moms out there who are not as off-balanced as I am, but maybe this can help a bit if you are the slightest bit tilted.       

{back to a fresh perspective}

A couple posts ago I had mentioned a fresh perspective:  bitter or better.

Well, I really want to get back to that as I have been trying to carry it with me daily.  Last week was turned utterly upside down for me.   As in, I literally felt like I was hanging from the ceiling fan by my toenails!  Throw in getting ready for a surgery that I really didn't want to have,  Scott having a really, really rough time with migraines and not being able to provide much help at all, working in the office the 3 days prior to my surgery date on a huge, headache-producing project with just the regular daily agenda.  It was a tad stressful.  And, stress, I've learned can either make or break me.  By nature, I think I tend to do fairly well with stress and sometimes I think it squeezes the best out of me..........other times it squeezes the plain and simple YUCK out of me and spews over.  And, trust me, it can be ugly. 

Well, on Tuesday morning it was not only nipping at my heels but taking painful chunks out of them.   I think on Tuesday, I slept in to the late hour of 4 am.  There were things I had to accomplish before I started my day at the office.   And, just to provide a little window into my days of late........we just finished the Proverbs 31 study during our Wednesday night services.  It was wonderful and I think I mentioned here before that I had gone out on my own and studied different resources on the topic other than my study guide and Bible.   One thing struck me and I have been able to carry it with me almost daily..... the fact that at a point in our life {typically middle-age} we begin responding to the circumstances, chaos, problems, just life in general in either a 'bitter or better way'.   We either age with a bitter attitude or a sweet one.  And, honestly, in looking at those around me, I have no doubt that theory is correct.  So, in saying all of that, when I feel the stress rising and that I'm about to become ugly......I try to pull from that and put it into practice immediately.  Sometimes it works, sometimes I still need to work on it.  

 Now, back to Tuesday morning.  I had gone to bed very late, up early, trying to get necessary things wrapped up, kids prepared for the day, lunches packed, {I did actually get my quiet time in}, laundry, pick up the house, etc.  I was doing well until I found a pile of shoes, SEVEN pair to be exact, by the garage door.  I could feel my busy, but content attitude simmering.   As I piled my arms full, I began stewing.  Thankfully they were all asleep.   But, why, why, why could they not carry their shoes to their rooms?  And, this encompassed all three of my guys.   Suddenly, I became a martyr in my own mind.  Feeling sorry for myself with so much to do, a horribly crazy-busy week........total martyrdom. Lovely.   I could have stewed until they got up and started their days off REALLY well.  NOT.    

But, then I had literally had a flash.  I have no doubt it was divine intervention sparing my little family to what could have been.  A not so nice awakening.  

I have a friend {TH, sorry to drag you into this without a warning} that has a front door that makes me smile every time I walk up to it.   Rarely do I walk up to he door that there are not at least 6 little shoes placed right at the entrance.  Placed is not the right adjective, more like kicked off and scattered together.   I always smile.  So, so sweet.  Evidence that 6 little feet had an afternoon of play and kicked them off before they called it a day.  I have gotten to the point I actually look for them as I walk up their sidewalk.  And, they are typically there.  As they were on Wednesday.  If her collection causes me to smile, why did mine cause me to scour?  Why did the same scene look so ugly on my side of the pasture, or door, for that matter?  Attitude adjustment in progress as I carried the shoes to where they belonged and thankfully my perspective changed.  I like to think that my gratitude for my family is carried with me always.  But, if I am honest with myself and you.......it doesn't take much to forget that blessing.  I hate that!  Why do I allow such little things to rob me {and them} of that joy?

Particularly, when you are in the throes of feeling sorry for yourself  {aka ME} I could have carried right along with my bad attitude and ruined their day as they climbed out of bed with......"how many times do I have to tell you to put your shoes away?"  And, although there is an act of obedience that probably needs to be dealt with it wasn't an issue that should have started their day off in a bad way.  It was a bitter pill to swallow, because if I had focused in on their lack of appreciation, respect, gratitude etc.......how was my own attitude of the same being reflected to them......and to HIM?   Because the grass can  always look greener, TH's entrance with kicked-off shoes reflected an afternoon of play, bike riding, running, scuffs from adventures, etc.   Mine:  initally was the exact opposite. 

Ouch.

 It goes back to bitter or better.  I could have continued to stew or I could have sought the beauty in it.  Unknown to them, I chose the later.   I am sure I will continue to pick up hundreds upon hundreds of pairs of shoes.  But, I have a feeling that each time I do I may not have the same response as I did Tuesday morning.  How could I forget the years and years of concern that I may never have little shoes to pick up?  or, after the accident, am thankful for big shoes to put back into place?   

These shoes carry lots of moments with them along with the scuffs, loose soles and tears.  There will be a day when I won't have shoes scattered by the door and frankly throughout the house..........so, I think I'll choose to see the smile in it as long as I can.   

{on my nightstand}

First of all, I have loved Sally Clarkson forever from afar. I love her heart. Specifically her heart for her family/children. And, I am pretty certain that Mrs. Clarkson wrote this specifically for me. It is wonderful and so relevant to things I have been praying about for so long! Her viewpoints are very strong, she does not avoid the uncomfortable topics. And, for that I am very thankful. And, as difficult as it is to hear some of it. She backs it with scripture, so who can argue?

I highly, highly recommend this book! It is one that even though I literally devoured it in one night at a warp speed, I am going back to thoroughly digest and will return to it often I am sure.

I highly recommend it!