{one more thought}

just avoid this one if you are sick to death of my til death do us part posts. i am a little fixated as i have so many dear friends who are going through the pits of marriage despair. in typing this....in no way am i sitting in judgement, just broken heartedness. we've all been in the pits. to be honest, i've clawed my way out of a few and know without a doubt that there will be days i will slide down the walls of that pit into the stinky, slimy, pool at the bottom. but, i am hopeful, that i will just start climbing and digging my way up again.

so, if i seem a little fixated, i am actually heavily burdened...and ready to find the oxygen tank for so many so they can hold on a bit longer. then, there are the friends who have gone through the exit sign - only to voice their regrets. and, i have had dear friends who has had their hearts shattered by betrayal and although they went through the exit door - it was far from what they wanted. my.heart.hurts.

this is a recent devotional i read in my Proverbs 31 Ministry book..i did chuckle, but, that chuckle was the realization of how "real" it is...... And, it amazingly goes very well with the sermon i summarized from bro. ronnie a few weeks back.....

"i don't love my husband anymore"

by lysa terkeurst

"marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure." hebrews 13:4

i was saddened by what my friend was sharing. She was tired of her husband and because she had found the man of she dreamed of being with, she was leaving her spouse. i was shocked by her decision.

i had been in their wedding and heard the lifetime of promises made from their hearts. i had been with them to celebrate their first anniversary. i had been with them just after the births of their first and second child. i had shared their laughter, encouraged them through their tears, and enjoyed doing life with them.

while their relationship had not been perfect, they did love one another. but something was broken in their relationship, and neither of them knew how to fix it. this brokenness led to a stale quietness that seeped into their home and made each feel lonelier and more isolated. she had grown frustrated. life was busy and finances were stressful, and they stopped making time for the romantic conversations they used to enjoy. they used to be a team and felt they could beat anything life sent their way. now they just fought against each other. then she met an attentive, financially secure man who seemed to be the answer to all of her unmet longings.

she traded her life for the thrill of something new, the lure of something she perceived would be so much better.

but just two years later i ran into this friend and was stunned by her confession. with tears in her eyes she admitted that she'd discovered that fairy tales don't exist. every relationship feels exhilarating at the beginning, but then real life happens and marriage is hard work no matter whom you are married to. when i asked her to tell me about her new husband, she smiled shyly and said, "well, he's hairy."

what??

what did she just say? my mind was spinning. of all the words, all the descriptions, all the romantic terms i expected her to use, "hairy" was nowhere on the list. how telling that the man who was once so irresistible that she traded everything for, had now been reduced to one word....hairy!

i'm convinced that in marriage the grass isn't greener on the other side. The grass is greener where you water and fertilize it."

wow.

being more of an optimist, i would like to say there is always hope remaining. however, i learned very clearly that is not the case in this particular instance. i believe there is a window of hope. but, once that window is sealed shut, it can be very difficult, if not impossible to open. how do i know this? by, having a very in-depth heart to heart conversation with a friend who chose the greener pasture. today, she will be the first to tell you........water your own yard. even in her particular case, i still tend to be hopeful. she reminds me..of the water under the bridge. there was a time when it would have been possible - but, she took a little too long and now....unless a complete restoration occurred from God (i'm always a hold out on this stuff) there is no way. too much pain, too many words, new relationships, scars, etc have occurred. she is regretful....but, as she says "i made my bed".

my heart breaks.