{upkeep}

I never noticed that lawn mowers have headlights.

Trust me, they don't work too well.

I'll finish it tomorrow.......

ps, and repair what damage I did. I knew I might as well write it because JC would assume it anyway. ;)

{hmmm....?}

for the 2nd time this week E told me I was having a "really bad crazy day."

Just what I needed to hear??!?

{through His eyes}

All of it made my stomach sick.

We feared it had returned.

The ugly "c" word.

I had been out all day and had not yet received the news that the biopsy had indeed confirmed it, but the second I heard her voice on a message of my phone, I hung up on it and dialed her. I didn't listen to it.

I knew what she wanted, or maybe more of what she needed.

This post is NOT about me in any shape or form. I will simply be standing behind one end of the lens looking at a precious family standing on the other end. This is about a constant (& I mean constant) prayer I am carrying with me right now begging Him that I capture for this precious family what they need next week.

It's not about the technical stuff or the editing or anything other than their moments. My chest literally hurts when I think about it. I haven't seen any of them since they found out it that it had returned. I am praying that God is very merciful and places a HUGE game face on me. I have to have that.

I need to capture them laughing

and loving

and being them.

Maybe, just maybe they will briefly forget.

and, in writing all of that -they were to meet with the physicians yesterday re: treatment plan. I have no idea what the tx plan will consist of at this point. But, I know there is hope - so I don't want this to convey that there is not. This is simply me putting pressure on myself to get this more than perfect for them. And, I know that I cannot do that without Him.

{sunday rest}

Ahh! I made it through yesterday without a problem. I'm kind-of thinking my headache was TMJ related - my joints were very sore and stiff yesterday. I had a chain added to my braces on Monday - so, maybe it finally took its toll. But, all better! Thank goodness!

Poor Scott is down with a migraine. I really do NOT know how he does it?

Church was wonderful this morning. The sermon great and so what I needed to hear. I teared up several times as it was relevant beyond words. And, then....on to the little ones with two of my very favorite people...EG & HG. At least I was there today...when the schedule said I should be. Sorry, TH! Maybe someday I will get it all together? Maybe??

The boys and I had a quick lunch. Nothing worth mentioning! ha! And, we are being LAZY! And, I am loving it. There is alot I need to be doing, but, I'll get to it eventually. ;) I was taking E some apple juice earlier and this is what I spied. Notice the outfit?

A swimsuit (oops, I need to go change the filter), a long sleeve shirt and a hat. Why does he do this?

Love the hand. Do you think he's had a picture taken a time or two before?

And, on the other couch......a dirty dog. Literally, a dirty dog. Notice her little paws. I need to run by Dr. Nick's this week to pick up a copy of her vet history so she can start visiting Ultimutt when we take little day trips. I should plan them on Friday - the day they give baths. Let's just say, she doesn't like her baths. And, the hair dryer.......I won't even go there.

She's still pretty stinkin' cute though!

He couldn't resist either. Poor thing!

And, Noah - it's PSP time. We finally found the charger!



Have a great Sunday afternoon!!

{little prayer please}

I did nothing but run errands yesterday. all.day.long.

After dropping off Noah at a sleepover I started getting little twinges of a headache. No big deal, I really never get headaches unless they are TMJ related and this one felt different.

By midnight I was in tears and so, so sick. I finally drifted off somewhere close to that I think, but was wide awake at 3 am.

There are twinges of it left. I hope I'm imagining them.

I have a wedding today.

A big wedding today.

I had to hit the ground running at 5 am. I'll be driving back somewhere around midnight-ish tonight.

Pray that whatever that was is gone. For good.

Breathe.........

{ahhhh.....}

*the sound of the boys laughing and playing. no fighting. music to my ears!

*remembering the wonderful rain from this afternoon and tonight - a TRUE blessing!

*the pitter-patter of little feet. 4 of them. that would be sweet molly.

*the poor, pitiful stray who is sleeping on our back porch. night 3. and, no, surely it wasn't me who put out a towel to lay on. or, snuck it food. again. it's sad, and ugly, and sad. but, it (not sure if it is a boy or girl) smiles when it looks at you. just what i need.

*the sound of the washer and drying finishing up for the day.

*the overdose of bleach in the dishwasher that has overtaken the house. at least it smells reallllllly clean, even if it's not.

*loving my family more than words can say.

*thankful scott was awake today. all day. he's totally out now. on an unmade bed that has its sheets in the dryer. i may be sleeping on the couch. ;)

*thinking of my day with britt yesterday and still laughing. that deserves a post all to its own. i just need to figure out how to upload the pics from my phone.

*i took my first pictures from my phone yesterday. there is something gravely wrong with that.

*excited for my wedding saturday. this bride is one that has etched her way into my heart for keeps. love that.

*going to snuggle with the boys and molly, clean a little, edit a little and then go to bed (or couch as it is undetermined if i can get him up long enough to put the sheets back on) withOUT setting the alarm.

bliss!

{i have a hot date}

Hot as in it will likely be over 100 degrees today. Other than that, I am soooooo excited! I'm picking up my niece Britt for a little girl time. Fun!

We shall see if I return broke. ha!

{summer mornings}

ahhhh...the house is quiet.

Well, except for Casting Crowns blaring from the kitchen. ;)

The boys are both cuddled together in our bed under a mound of blankets sound asleep. Still. And because E is in dreamland, he is not complaining that his brother is hugging him to death.

Scott just left with his best friend. Would love to be a fly in that truck.

I think we may have watermelon for breakfast.

I love summer mornings.

Why can't they last all year?

{just fyi}

Not that you are really interested. But, after my ortho (that would be for teeth, not brittle bones:) appt this morning I ran into Wal-greens very quickly.

No coupons in hand.

It was not optimal, I know.

But, I purchased a TON of things.

Recap: 1 bottle of shampoo, 1 bottle of men's liquid soap, 1 Lysol wipe canister, 1 large box of glad trashbags ($7+ at WM) , 2 men's razors, 2 boxes of tampons, 2 cans of ravioli, 2 packages of pumpkin seeds. I think that's it?

I paid $16 (something) out of pocket after using some RR.

I received $20 in return in RR to use next time.

$4 gain.

FREE. FREE. FREE.

Nuts! And, that's without a coupon.

I had to get past the point the checker looked at me like I was stealing. I can't let that bother me. After all, they run the deals and advertise the deals.

I hate that though. Takes some of the fun away.

{Happy Father's Day!}

Today is always such a bittersweet day for me....I miss my own Dad tremendously, but, am so thankful for Scott. We got him a couple of Good Life shirts with a promise to take him to a cool river to trout fish in the near future.


Last night we celebrated and he made it all about the boys....we ate at the "Watermelon" complete with a Mariachi band. I kid you not. Poor Scott - what are the odds?? He was in agony! Let's just say we ate realllllllllly fast. And, the reason we call it the watermelon restaurant is because it is painted a red/pink and green.....thus the name bestowed by my three boys.

Scott chose to go to the drive-in (temperature at 8:45 pm was 97 degrees) to see Marmaduke. What a great Dad! We love you dearly!! Thank you for loving us as well as you do!

Of course, all pics are in reverse order! :)

{crying in my kitchen}

Today was an incredible day at church! It really makes you re-evaluate how our lives are truly making an eternal difference. So, this afternoon the boys and I are getting a few things in order in the house (cleaning a bit).

As I was sweeping in the kitchen

I could have mopped up my tears when this came on.....I've heard it on the CD often and have always loved it so much. But, today.....

WOW...

Please click on and listen.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rqhG2yT-58

{boo-hoo!}

It has happened. My baby is transitioning into a little boy right before my eyes. As sad as it is, he is growing into his boyish looks quite well.

Seriously.....overnight.

How does that happen?

{gift?}

While on the road to Collierville a couple weeks ago, I got a call. Scott was so excited as he had just purchased a surprise for me.

It is orange.

I love orange.

It went downhill after that.

It has a 60 inch mowing deck.

Yep. He got me a lawn mower.

I asked him to at least put a pink bow on it for my return.

That was the mower, not him. ;)

Well, I just used it and #1 it is fast and mows huge paths which is good. #2 my backyard is still so rough from Scott's attempts to fix it that yes, we will be calling EG this week to fit us in. He's seen Scott's work before, he will understand.

Gotta love surprises!

(& actually, I am very happy with it. I had my straw hat on, my big shades and strapless sundress. There will not be any bikini riding mowing around here. You know we do have "a" neighbor across the pasture. ha!)

{what lies ahead}

I'm thinking that if I work really long and hard tonight....well, way into the night I could possibly give myself somewhat of a three-day weekend. That's why I did this isn't it? I'm still testing the water I think.

And, I say "somewhat" of a three-day weekend because there are still some {plenty} of important things to do, but, nothing officially tied to a specific time like a wedding or a session or a lurking report deadline.

hmmmmmm..........I can think of lots for the boys and I to do. And, hopefully Scott. But he has had a totally crummy week - maybe he will round that corner tonight or tomorrow. We are all ready for it.

But, for now the two little guys and I will be headed to the ball fields soon.

Is it seriously close to being over??? Just 3 games left after tonight and then our post-season tourney. Wow, that was fast.

I'll let you know on what we decide to do.

It may just be sleep!

Kidding.......

{hmmm....that wasn't so bad}

Any of you who know me well know of the dreaded billing day.

It's agony for me and those around me.

At the law firm we submit billing to the clients twice a month. It has to be perfect. Every minute has to be accounted for accurately. Each client has a different preference.

It causes me to be grumpy, miss a lot of fun things like lunch with my girls, miss a lot of fun things like talk on the phone, play with my boys, shower, eat, breath.

You get the point. And, I'm not exaggerating much there.

This morning was the first day I submitted back as a contract nurse.

Since I didn't work much.

I didn't have much to submit.

It was WoNDerFuL!!!!

My check won't be, but, that's fine!

Remember, I have a stockpile. Who needs funds?? I just don't think we'll be eating laundry detergent and calgon. ha!

Let me live in an oblivion just for today. I'll worry about the other later.

{stockpiling v hoarding}

There is a thin line.

I have enough laundry detergent to last me for years.

Same with dishwashing detergent.

I buy Wal-mart out of my beloved Calgon every time I go in. (4-5 at a time) It's getting scary. Thankfully, I haven't been going in very often.

But, I'm thinking........that laundry detergent may last me the rest of my life if I use the "Calgon take me away" as often as I would like. ha!

{home sweet home}

whew!

*it's been a quiet day on the home front. Note: on the home front. We did not have a million places to go and be. So nice! just one md appt today.

*i had a great, productive work day and then shut it down for a while to swim with the boys. I actually got in the water instead of just on my mat. I guess the rain cooled it down again, but I finally got used to it and we had so much fun. The boys were thrilled.

*it's been a barefoot, sundress, no make-up, curly-hair kind-of day.

*i feel like i have cooked all day long for the boys. i did join in for some fresh pineapple. yum!

*new love: sweet italian cream in my coffee. and, yes, I just had a cup at 5 pm. my break is over. ha!

*the boys and i came up with our summer to-do list while in the pool. we never get it all done or even close really. i'll post it later - it's so funny how different they are. for example: e: snow cones. a lot of 'em all summer. n: destin.

*speaking of destin: i sooooooooo want to book right now. scott woke up thursday and asked me if i wanted to jump in the car and go ahead and drive down. but, i had a wedding. and right now the schedule will not allow it. i'm still saying prayers that it happens this year.

*today was a great day just to be thankful. i am very, very thankful.

*and, on that note, i had no clue the floods had hit oklahoma city until late yesterday. it's strange how something of that magnitude can hit so close and if you do not have the news on.....you never know. my ok city family is okay thankfully!!

*this last weekend was the end of my frantic pace and i am glad. it was fun, but too much. now, i'm soaking it all in!! and, loving every moment.

*HE is definitely more than sufficient. as i made the big change with the law firm while at the same time transitioning to mostly 'weddings only' with the photography in order to allow me to maximize my family time, i was concerned. that would be several significant changes at once. while at the same time likely burning some bridges with some excellent clients whom i fell in love with as i moved away from the family genre. however, i continue to receive an unbelievable amount of wedding inquiries and bookings for even next year. and, honestly, the vast majority now are only those inquiries, so i am not having to turn away the others very often. and, if my plan proceeds as i hope, i am already 1/2 booked up for the entire year of 2011. i am astounded. the time it will give my family is priceless.

p.s. i am still doing family & friends, just wanted to clear that up! :)

{ouch}

I ran.

That is all I can type because that is all the energy I can muster.

It's going to be a long road ahead.

Pardon the pun.

{heart palpitations}

Do you remember the last time I got pulled over?

By a State Trooper?

I was speeding, but it was for a broken tail light when I stopped at the light?

I didn't have my liscense.

I couldn't find my insurance.

When I did finally find my proof of insurance....

it had expired.

TONIGHT.

At the intersection just before my house.

You know, the one that a Sheriff pulled me over speeding and not coming to a complete stop at?

It was years ago.

I confessed on the spot. I was speeding. And, I did "roll". I was late getting home for my fertility injection.

I got a warning then too.

It was the truth and I think as crazy as my story was, he believed me.

TONIGHT.

I approached the same intersection and saw no less than 7 State Troopers.

Check point.

Was I speeding?

Did I have my liscense?


No and


yes.....


in that order.

Whew!

And as I was chatting with one officer (I've known him since he was a baby) Evan was giving play by plays of tonights t-ball game to another one. He got high fives.

He is totally on cloud 9.

As I drove away, I told them they were celebrities now.

If only they had to deal with 5-year-olds who are beyond happy about a summer t-ball game.

I have a feeling it won't be so pleasant for them with all of the vehicles. T-ball is not the likely topic of conversation of some.

{easy-peasy}

My transition has not been so far, but it is getting easier. I hate that I keep saying, "if I can just make it through this week, if I can just make it through this weekend, then......."

I feel like I am living my life on just getting through. I don't like that.

The breathing a tad is getting easier. It's like I am learning to breath on my own without the oxygen tank. And, it feels good.

I had a FULL work day yesterday (oh, until about 2:30 this morning). A few errands. And, I still have a to-do list a mile long. A ton of return calls to make. Texts and emails to respond to. I'm limping through them.

Today my marathon weekend starts. Again. Didn't I just do this last weekend? But, instead of holding my breath until Tuesday when the smoke clears a little. I am going to enjoy the things on my list. Haircuts, t-ball, a wedding, a long drive late at night from LR {Scott knows to be on standby as I may need to talk to him all the way home}, church, a bd party, my niece's play FOOTLOOSE, engagements, etc, etc.) So, I am not going to think about making it to Tuesday, but instead, enjoying the in between.

Although I am working, it just feels different. And, in a good way. I can walk away from my computer knowing I don't have to attempt to get 7.5 hours + in. IF I get 3, I'm doing reallllllllly good for now. And, those 3 are usually spread out.

Oh, yeah.......I made a bride cry this morning. That's always a good thing. Well, maybe not always, but in this case it was.

Now, I'm off to make lunch for the boys and enjoy the fact that I am the one taking them for haircuts. And, not in a rushed, break my neck kind-of way.

ahhhhhh......the exhale part feels great.

{today}

*i ran. well, i ran some, i walked some, i ran some, etc. tara, thanks for the words of encouragement. believe me...i need them! :) the chain came off my bike, so i wasn't able to throw that into the mix.

*quiet day on the homefront. my mom came over and entertained the boys while i sat down and got after it with edits and reviews. i'm still in the clothes that i ran in this morning if that says anything.

*really, that's about it for today. weird.

tomorrow will be busy with an md appt, haircuts for all 3 boys, tball game and preparing for a wedding in LR on saturday.

be back soon!

{wonderful blessing!}

Okay, that's me in the granny hat. But, I am in a total war against my face tanning. So, it has become my new necessary evil.

Now that I got that out of the way...today was just what I needed to have my "exhale" moment. Our kiddos were running around, swimming, splashing and laughing in a big way. And we got alot of chatting in which was so nice! HG - thanks so much for hosting - everything was beautiful!

These girls mean the world to me! I could absolutely tear up just thinking about what unique thing each one has brought to my life. They are amazing and set the bar very high! I am very, very blessed......

I'll "borrow" some more pictures soon and post the kiddos!

{i am}

going to run tomorrow.

I have to get back at it.

So, I'm making it public.

{finally!}

Today finally felt like summer! Yay! I had a wonderful afternoon with the girlfriends {will post on that later as I have to snatch their pics from their blogs as I had no camera with me, shock!}

And, then tonight the Y's and our little fam went to the Poteau Drive-In! One of my very favorite things to do during the summer. Although I have haunting flashbacks of being very pregnant there and contracting throughout a movie. So, it's always fun to have Evan along with us as those memories are so vivid! (& seem like yesterday)

The rain stayed away and the temperature was perfect!


The group shot. Not sure what E had spilled on his shirt? Olivia loves to be right between them. Noah dotes on her, Evan tries to boss her around. But, he doesn't get anything over on this one. ;)

We had never gone through the week - there were very few others there - that in and of itself was so nice!

Setting up our camp...

I couldn't tell you much about the movie as I was the lucky one and had Olivia snuggling with me most of the night. We had very interesting conversations to say the least! ha! :)

This one is SCARY. It was not posed. I was tripping over myself to snap it. I've decided I hate my little camera. But, they just stood there. I am praying it is not a glimpse into the far away future. Wow.

And, look at her little hand on his. Just like Destin. So sweet.

Not sure what effect this was. Did I say I do not like this camera? I need to drag my huge one around I guess?

The boys had her laughing so hard here.

It feels like summer!

{pumpkin patch}

Our little pumpkin patch is planted. Depending on how it does - it may be bigger next year. Hopefully this one will produce enough that we can share the wealth!!

The end. Because I really don't want to think about fall yet. I just got to really enjoy my first day of summer today. And I won't even talk about the Christmas decor they are shelving at Hobby Lobby.

Nope.

Going to fully enjoy summer and water the pumpkins.

{thelma and louise}

That's what Scott called us every time we talked to him! And, you know how I vowed to take tons of pictures. Well, I did - just not of us. I CANNOT use little cameras to save my life. This was a retake in my driveway. It's the only one we got that is not so blurred you can tell it is us. Pitiful!

Love her!

The little town square. You can see the little cafe we ate at for 3 of our 3 meals - the Silver Caboose. Noah would have loved it! It was very good and very southern. Angela appeased me the last day as I had been dying for her choice the first night we arrived.....a cream cheese and olive sandwich. Very yummy!! I would have never thought of it myself, but it seems to be very easy to make.

As pretty as she is - I was actually taking a picture of that piece of furniture. How cute is that?

This is a problem for me. I blame my Aunt J as she does the exact same thing. I found these cute shirts - ruffles, ruffles and ruffles upstairs at a cute shop. The price was very good and I loved them.....so, I got two! The problem, I needed two smalls. I thought I got two smalls. And, somehow ended up with a small and a medium. Room to grow?

My closet looks like Madie B's right now.


And, this was my favorite find.......a bunny! I just wish I had got two of him. TH, you can name him for me. ;) Just let me know what you come up with.


Ang and I had a great time. It was so nice to get away and always better to return home. We both missed our babies and hubbies. It really doesn't matter where we (Ang and I) are at together....it's just being together that matters the most. God has definitely blessed me with incredible friends who mean the world to me!

ps. here is a funny that we both laughed so hard over. At the reception, an older man walked up to me and told me that he hoped this wasn't inappropriate, but he thought I had the prettiest eyes ever. Then he went on to tell me what a great job I was doing etc. Later that night I was telling Angela about it and she started laughing. The same man had gone up to her later and told her what captivating eyes she had. ha! We are not sure if he told all 103 ladies in the room the same thing, was totally confused and thought we were the same person, or intended to tell us both? Too much to drink maybe?

{hmmm....}

Not sure why things are not slowing down??

Will it ever? It's actually making me a little sad.

I am definitely that hamster on a wheel right now.

I keep saying one more week and then it will be better.

So, I will say it once more....because it has to.

Just too much on the agenda this week. Maybe it's just the timing of everything? Praying for calmness, peace and happiness despite the craziness of the schedule this week. By appearance, it is lacking in fun. :(

Off to get some sleep - maybe that will help tomorrow's outlook on the day.

{sneak, sneak peek}

I'm not quite ready to post on the official blog yet - so, I wanted to share just a few here. This is what pulled me away this weekend. I always feel so honored the take these images for couples. And, this weekend was just "dreamy" as TH would say. {wink}

Of course in my foggy haze, I uploaded them backwards.... then, I added a couple.......totally out of order.......

LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the red photo booth. It was locked or I would have had them inside in the 100 degree weather. Look at that British emblem on top. I have wished for a photo booth like this for so long. When I saw it, I think I swooned. {sorry, I have been around a many very southern ladies all weekend long.} I saw more pearls in one day than I have seen in my entire life.

This church was truly breathtaking. So old and the details were beyond lovely...

We did this shot just before the ceremony. They couldn't see each other and they whispered their I love you's through the door. So sweet!

Will did a great job with her ring - very femine, very Holly.

Okay, off to bed!

{small town usa}

The town square was perfection defined.

Just wait until you see the church.

Stunning.

{oh, my!}

I am back.

I'm glad because I missed my boys {all 3} and Molly so much.

I absolutely love Angela to death! We had some moments that we will never forget, particularly almost losing bladder control in the hallway of our hotel because I tried to get in to 2 different rooms near midnight and ran our luggage cart into the wall - getting it stuck. I mean REALLY stuck - wedged into a wall. You probably needed to be there. I have not laughed that hard in years!!!!!

It was the most beautiful, amazing wedding I have EVER seen. It was like a movie. A sweet, love-story, perfect movie. Only, it was real. Sigh.

Happy birthday to my mom!

Going to settle in for the night.

{awake}

at 11:25 pm when I should definitely be sleeping. But, I am sitting here backing up files, erasing cards, charging batteries, cleaning lenses, packing the camera bags, packing the suitcases, framing portraits, using Mapquest to plot out three different ending points, invoicing, etc, etc, etc. All the while trying not to panic that I have a long day ahead tomorrow.

However, I just looked at my planner. And, I almost screamed a happy scream. It's looking better!! I actually got to erase some stuff that I had "sifted" through and determined that they were not life and death appointments.

So, only 3 weddings this month, 1 bridal (completed), 2 engagements and a toddler session. We decided against two camps. That leaves me with 12 MD appointments, well 11 after today. 9 t-ball games. VBS. And then various other things. I am doing better! It is so hard because there were so many "good" things that I had to make a decision about. It will still be busy, but I am making positive strides slowly, but surely. You should see this improve consistently. For example, in July - I am only doing one wedding and one bridal. I closed July off to spend with the boys months ago. SOOOOOOOOOOO happy I did. It will be the same in August, so excited!

Now, I'm off to load another card!

{happies}

Today when I was out and about, I stopped by and picked up some decorated cookies for the boys. I adore those! And, as we discovered a couple weeks ago, cupcakes. Really, anything with sugar. Yum!

But, here are some pictures of their little, simple surprise. They loved them. I have some for Scott to give them tomorrow after I leave. {boo-hoo!}



Everything involves a thumbs-up these days.

Any excuse to celebrate our break!

The child licks everything. He simply cannot take a bite until all of the icing of whatever dessert he is eating is gone.

And, of course, he is still in just his undies at 4 pm.