Friday, March 20, 2009
{day four?}
from Proverbs 31 Ministries (3/19/09)
A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back." Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV)
Yesterday, I was just mindlessly looking out the window of an airport watching a few seagulls dart about overhead while airline workers were busy loading bags. Nothing about the scene outside the airport window spoke of danger. But then suddenly I remembered the flight from New York just a few weeks ago that was brought down by a few geese. That seagull that faded into the background just moments before became a point of extreme interest to me.
What if?
It's amazing if you stop to think about it that a huge airplane could be brought down by just a few birds. Birds. Who would have thought? It makes me think about other seemingly small things that can cause great destruction as well … especially when it comes to my marriage.
Words vented in frustration can seem so small.Slightly disrespectful attitudes can seem so small.Complaining about lack of finances can seem so small.Brushing off his desires can seem so small.Making mental lists of things you wish were different about him can seem so small.But each one of these seemingly small things can so easily and tragically wedge itself into the core of a marriage and send it screaming toward destruction. Entire families have been ripped apart by things that once seemed so small.
Listen to the heartbreak in this note that was anonymously posted on my blog the other day:"Girls...I know this seems small...but, it's really not. Take it from someone who has blown it more times in marriage than not. Now I have blown it enough to make myself a single mom. It's too late for me. But, it's not for you. Please be aware of the little things. I wouldn't have you join me for anything in the world. Be on your guard and protect your marriage." -Anonymous
I am challenged by this. I can't just mindlessly assume that my marriage is coasting along okay and that little problems can't topple even the most seemingly stable of legacies. I can't get complacent. I can't get prideful. I can't get lazy. I can't take the gift of my marriage for granted.I have a great marriage but sometimes I slip into automatic and stop getting as intentional as I should about investing richly and deeply into our relationship. So, I've decided to declare this my get intentional week.
Today I'll focus on my words. I'm praying for God to interrupt my mouth at every turn today. I am going to hold my tongue against saying anything careless. I am going to intentionally use my words as gifts to my husband today and nothing else.Not that one day of doing this can protect my marriage forever - but it sure is a good start. Care to join me? Oh you know there will be challenges ahead sweet sister, but I'm up for it. What about you?
Dear Lord, help me to realize that with each word I speak, I am making the choice to bless or to curse. Please help me to speak words that are pleasing to You - even when my emotions run high and my feelings beg me to betray this commitment. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
wow. well, i suppose i will go ahead and RE-declare this as my INTENTIONAL disconnecting to reconnect week/life. hmmm....seems like i just did that sunday?
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
{no title}
but, i have been true to my word on "unplugging" - although when you are not at home, it is quite easy to do. and, despite utter chaos - my quiet time has been going very well. it is amazing that if you do it the very first thing....no matter what happens during the remainder of your day.....it was taken care of. brilliant!
okay, scott and i have been searching for a new vehicle for weeks now. as always, despite whatever deal they strike or however nice the said vehicle is....I jump back into my paid-for vehicle and drive off that lot as quick as i can. it just KILLS me to make a purchase like that. well, that paid-for vehicle is now approaching a whopping 163,000 miles. she's been a really good one with a few hiccups over the past year. but, i do realize it IS time. so, deal was stuck and it was time to do the oh, so lovely paperwork. stroke. but, before i needed emergency treatment to sign on the dotted line, i needed emergency treatment because once again we got THAT call. the call that makes you want to throw up.
without detailing everything out, my sweet 15-year-old niece underwent emergency surgery yesterday afternoon. she was in a very bad situation very quickly and had major internal bleeding. even the surgeon was shocked. it went from a wait and see situation to a radiologist bursting in the room informing us that surgery was needed on an immediate basis. her blood counts were very low. it was too late for any of us to donate. and, they didn't know exactly what they would find when they went in. well, despite the fact the surgery went much longer than anticipated.....she is fine. she has a bit of a recovery. but, our prayers were answered. she was such a trooper! in fact, almost to her detriment. she was so stoic through everything that her reactions in reponse to what was occuring did not match. hmmm.....heavy shades of bernie. {smile} but, we are just very, very thankful. alot of prayers were sent up for her last night and we got an answer we are so grateful for.
so, if i have not returned phone calls - it was not due to the new self-imposed restriction, but, because my phone was turned off much of last night and even today when i was there.
and, totally not important. i did sign the dotted line. but, do not be confused if you see me in my trusty old suburban. i didn't give her up. how sad is that? and with that mileage, we did get a shocking offer. still can't figure that one out? there must be gold buried under the spare tire that we were not aware of? but, we kept her. with the miles i have to drive daily - she will continue to be my commuter car. ;) okay, and don't think for a moment that i am sentimental.
i'm nuts!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
{okay, one more}
meet sanjay.
and, this is ABSOLUTELY NOT to bring any sort of acknowledgement to our family because honestly, it is actually appalling that we chose just one tonight. but, i explained about my sobbing drive last week when i heard the partnership for world hunger day between air one and compassion international. it broke my heart.
well, during that day, i also reviewed information regarding sponsoring a child. that's what i mean, it takes so little to sponsor a child, so truly i should be ashamed that we did only register for one tonight.
besides the obvious, in helping out a precious child, i felt like this would be a great learning opportunity for the boys. so, it was a family decision and we decided to go with whichever child came into our view first, because, my heart could not handle choosing. so......the first little one that came into view was a sweet, precious little face. and, he is truly precious! we are very excited! sanjay is an eight year old little boy who lives in india. the boys are very excited. noah has volunteered to be our family letter writer. evan wants to send him an invitation to his next birthday party. i had to do a little geography lesson there. ;)
but, we are very excited! it is something i had wanted to do for a long time, but, simply never took the time to look into it. again, horrible on my part. so, meet our little sanjay. i'll keep you posted. we should receive our packet in 15 days or so.
{intentionally disconnecting}
i have been pondering. which is not always a good thing. but, i have been trying to 'absorb' much of what i took in this week-end. what good would it be if i sat there and took it all in, but, let it stay in? i would completely be missing the point.
so, this afternoon as the boys played outside, i thought and prayed. and, although i've been down this road before...i didn't stick to my good intentions very well. so, i am making a concerted effort to disconnect in order to become intensely connected. so, despite the fact that i spent some time today setting up my latest gadget, it was within hours that i knew i would be severely limiting this relationship. several months ago, i purchased a 'smart phone' in an attempt to be even more connected than i already insanely was. well, i detested that phone. obviously, it was a lot smarter than me. i could never quite figure it out. and, it was waaayyy too sensitive. it called every person under the sun if i even bumped it. angela has overheard way too many conversations occurring in wal-mart. so, i broke down and ordered this one. well, this one, but in red. :) again, in an attempt to stay more connected with my office, my emails, etc. and, it's definitely not just the phone, but, this thing i am typing away on at this moment. computer time, ugh! of course, this is where i work, but, i play way too much on here too. i love way too many blogs. and then, there was my accidental membership to facebook. well, that's an entirely different story. my love of photography/classes/forums - the whole nine yards. it is where i do my devotionals. where i shop. where i read the news, etc, etc, etc. etc point made.
regardless, i did visit this plan as stated, months ago. i had great intentions. but, i fell back into this technical world ashamedly quickly. and, in all honestly, this world of gadgets and cyperspace is not a real world. so, after much prayer and thought this afternoon, i am redefining my connections yet again as well as my priorities and that never-ending to do list. i need to be "here" every moment that i can. not absorbed in the long list of other things i get lost in. and, 99.9% of those "things" that take me away are actually very good things. so, it has been way too easy for me to let the time add up without even being fully aware of it.
i know it will take major adjustment on my part, but the rewards for myself and my family will be great. i am SEVERLY limiting my phone time. when my family is home, i will be home with them. now, having said that - if it a call i need to take or need to return, i absolutely will. so, don't hesitate to call. and, honestly, when i do get calls, it is me that lingers on the phone forever. so, i've just got to learn to keep my conversations shorter. i am sure my friends will benefit from that also. ha! when my boys are in the vehicle - which is typically my chance to return calls, i just can't - unless of course, it is truly needed. and, i do have friends, who once i am on the phone with them.....i could talk for days. they know who they are. i am so sorry!
i just need to be MUCH more focused on the things that matter. so, beginning tomorrow, my alarm will be going off a little earlier and before i do the typical things to start my day, i will be starting my day with Him. which is another thing i have really let slide of late and although i do seem to fit it in, i just really want it to be the first thing i do.
am i the only one who has so much trouble with this?
{great weekend}
but, friday - SHOULD have been a non-eventful day. only three simple things on the to-do list before our women's conference at chuch: work, pick up scott's new glasses and deliver some pictures on the way home. the end. well, due to a vast change of course for the day that could not be averted - chaos followed. and, typically, i can actually thrive in chaos. seriously, i am a little concerned that if i did not have massive doses of chaos - could i even function? but, the day spiraled out of control - i cannot even put it into words - some of it outside my control, some of it within my control - and, i failed tremendously on that one. the entire order of the day was changed and i had to begin calls to family members to pick up boys, care for the boys, change plans of sitters, etc. late into the afternoon, i decided i would skip out on the conference. my tmj was in full force at that time. no amount of ibuprofen/muscle relaxers would work. i did not have my appliance with me - throbbing pain. as i zoomed home at to at least get my mother dropped off, scott was insistent that i go on to church. i refused, i was no longer up to it. i no longer wanted to sit there and be refreshed. i wanted to go home and curl up in a ball and basically feel sorry for myself. absolutely, pitiful, huh?
well, i decided to go. i raced in to get ready. the kids were picked up and schedules once again rearranged. i actually got to sit down in a resturant with angela and was met by another friend. i was breathing again. it surprised me how the horrid details of the day began to be forgotten.
let's just say, i almost missed out on a huge blessing. lysa terkuerst was an amazing speaker. her testimony. her words. her humor. her humility. her love for God - spoke directly to my heart. i can't believe i almost missed out. i laughed, i cried, i worshipped, i sat stunned.....it was an amazing evening. and, maybe it was because we (especially I) could relate so much to her. not to all of the specifics of her testimony and yes, angela did giggle at me more than once in the stories that only seem to happen to me......because, hmmm....they seem to happen to lysa as well - stories of white hair, dead hamsters, white shoes (in my case two different shoes), etc. a great night. the next morning..........the rain, the cold, the fact i was exhausted.....well, i didn't allow myself to entertain the thought of staying home too terribly long, but, the fact i had failed to set the alarm clock led to a frantic race to get back to church by 9 am. another incrediably great day. totally refreshed with a new determination to get even more on track.
then, we again went out last night for a sweet fellowship with dear friends from church for a surprise birthday party. on an aside, big kudos to dr. nick for pulling this one off. i will forever chuckle when i recall "angus cows only moo at midnight." very clever.
church today. again, amazing. the end-times, not necessarily the most settling thing to study, but, very exciting in its own way nonetheless. and, when i would start to panic about some of the things he was saying about what the future could and will possibly hold......i immediately pulled from what lysa spoke to us yesterday about fear. so, i turned to God immediately to overshadow the fears that were creeping in. and, it worked. and, why wouldn't it? a promise from God himself.
so, today, i am in my home (albeit messy from a busy weekend), but completely content. and, as i type that i am indeed ignoring the fact that the boys are having a heated discussion. i have great music on, a warm home, four new books from the conference to read (when, i do not know, but, i will), thoughts of an incredible weekend, intense plans to simplify - my heart is very full. that is a great feeling.
one thing i did read this weekend. a simplified version. apparently there is a vast difference in sunrises. if you have a "perfect" sunrise, it is when the sky is filled with the immense colors cast onto the clouds. you cannot have that "perfect" sunrise if you have a perfect sky - a sky with no clouds. if you don't have any clouds, the beautiful colors and hues have nothing to be cast upon. it rises and it is over. end of story. it is boring, uncolorful and there is nothing spectacular to see. you miss the beauty. the dark, heavy clouds give it the beauty. the more there are, the better. how true is that?
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
{crying over spilt milk}
I flipped on the radio (Air One) and they were having their Global Hunger Crisis Day. Oh...I knew it would be painful to listen to, but, I refused to allow myself to flip the station....which truthfully, is what I wanted to do, as bad as that is. So, the crying began and continued all the way there and all the way home. I won't say too much, with the exception of one statement that I will NEVER forget. There are mothers around this world who, because they have no food to provide their children, literally make and feed these babies "mud pies" just so their little stomachs will have a filler. My heart was broken. I was broken. I could write for days as to what I can "imagine" that would be like......but, I pray that I never know. This fund drive is being hosted through Air One as they are partnering with Compassion International - both very reputable. You can go to their website and review the information and even make a donation if you feel the urge to do so......just think about this....to feed a child for an entire month - the cost is $13 (less than a trip through the drive-through at McDonalds). It can be a one time donation of a mere $13, no obligation at all. A year equates to $156. It literally takes less than a minute. Very simple (and secure). We can definitely get overwhelmed with the magnitude of the millions of children out there in this horrid situation - but, if one child can be helped. That is one child that will not have to go to bed hungry. Oh! I'm bawling again!
one trip through McDonalds, folks!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
{challenge}
So, today, I went over the the LPM blog (Beth Moore) for a few minutes and what did I find.........
Hey, Siestas? Anybody want to memorize some Scripture together this year?
A few days ago my devotional was on making preparations for a visitation from God. It was based on the Old Testament Israelites preparing (actually RE-pairing) the Temple under the reign of King Josiah after the serious neglect of previous generations and restoring it to a place where God would want to dwell. It made me think that if I really want a Jesus-year - and I do - that there are several things I could do to prepare for it.
This is one of them.Scripture memorization has been among the most profoundly effective disciplines of the faith that God has ever given me to practice. Honestly, I think I would've lost my mind by now if He had not pasted His Word all over it. Every personal battle we face is won or lost on the playing field of our mind. I'm deeply serious when I tell you that I have some ongoing areas of relational challenge that would absolutely overtake my thought life with anxiety, fear, resentment and bitterness if I didn't grab my index cards at critical moments and start saying my Scriptures. I did it as recently as yesterday when, concerning a particular situation, I thought to myself, "I cannot take this again." It calmed me and kept me from acting like I felt. And then I slowly felt better. Scripture memory has long since been a necessity for victory for me. My mind is very prone to obsessive thoughts. I've never broken a single stronghold without deliberatly repeating Scriptures more times than my mind could repeat a destructive or unhealthy thought. The Truth finally trumps the lie or comforts the hurt. God prevails and I get the victory.
This is the essence of 2 Cor. 10:3-5.SO, yesterday I was thinking to myself that if I really wanted a Jesus-year, I needed a fresh commitment and plan for Scripture memory for 2009 then wondered to myself who might partner with me. I've practiced the discipline for years by myself but the times I've been most victorious and consistent with it have been those times when I enlisted accountability. So, who could I get to be my partner, I wondered? Then the thought just popped into my head: SIESTAS! After all, what on earth is a Siesta for if not to stir you up to love and good works and all the more as the Day is drawing near (Heb. 10:24,25)?SO, anybody want to do this with me? Let me say quickly that there's no pressure to sign up or condemnation here if you don't. Many of you have your own accountability groups for various Spiritual disciplines and that's fantastic. Face-to-face is best of all. Others are up to their eyebrows in commitments already. I certainly do understand that! I'm just making the offer to anybody who wants to. Don't just do it because you need to. Do it because you want to. We will never sustain a practice based solely on what we need. At the end of the day, each one of us does what we want to.
Don't worry. This won't take over the blog or make you feel left out if you don't sign up. It will just be an additional thing among many that we're doing on here. That said, here's what I have in mind so that you can think it over. We're going to make this really doable.*Commit to memorize (or seriously meditate on) 2 Scriptures a month. See? Very, very doable! Doesn't seem like much at first but imagine that, in exactly one year, you'll have memorized 24 new Scriptures! That, my dear sister, is a feat. The reason why I threw in the parenthetical "or seriously meditate on" part is this: a number of people have told me through the years - especially those in their 50s, 60s, and 70s or those of any age with chronic ADD - that they just can't memorize. OK, so meditate! Listen, the whole purpose of the process is to take our minds captive to the knowledge of Christ and demolish strongholds or nip potential ones in the proverbial bud. As long as those Scriptures are rolling around in your head, your mind is being held captive to Christ-centered thoughts and led away from destructive or carnal thoughts whether or not you're getting the words in the exact right order. At least three huge things happen when we memorize: our brains are bathed. Our brains are sharpened. Our ammunition is loaded.
*Sign up on this post with your name and the city where you live. Really give it some serious thought before you jump on here and sign right up. Let's pull together a group that makes it all the way to next December! Do you really want to do this all year long? Will you commit to hang with it? Then sign up, you darlin' thing!*Watch for posts on the 1st and 15th of every month where I'll ask you to turn in the Scripture you're feeling led to memorize. (You'll write it all the way out in the version of your choice and put the reference with it because one of your Siestas might read it and want to memorize it next.) This is an important part of our process! We're NOT going to memorize the same Scriptures. I've learned through the years that we have the most victory with the verses that we each need most. Ask God to give you what He wants to prioritize for you this year then listen carefully through your quiet times, your Bible studies and your pastor's sermons for verses that really resonate with you or that you know you really need. He'll highlight one of those in your heart. Choose it with confidence. You'll most easily memorize what means most to you.*Buy a brand new set of index cards with a spiral that is only for this Scripture memory plan. (Most grocery stores and pharmacies have them. Easy to find.) You'll need to have it by New Year's Day so that you can write your first verse in it. Keep it with you A LOT. The car is a really great place to practice your Scriptures. Also be sure to get them out and say them every time you're feeling tempted to obsessive thoughts. You will be amazed at the impact God's Word will have on your thoughts. This right here, Girlfriends, is how we learn to wield the Sword of the Spirit.*Watch your prayer life change.
Check out John 15:7-8. The more God's Word abides in us, the more the mind of Christ is developed in us. The end result will be that we will pray more and more of God's will and get more and more of what we've asked. Do not think for a moment that praying in the will of God narrows your requests. It blows them wide open! Ask Him in this Jesus-year to explode your effectiveness in prayer then watch it happen.*Have fun with it! Scripture memory is some work but it's also really fun. Especially if we do it together!! Anybody game?
{my kitchen blew up}
I had no idea just how precise these measurements have to be. My nifty little instruction manual keep repeating that over and over and over. You would have THOUGHT I would have gotten the hint. Nada. Let's just say that I was in there measuring and pouring and reading and I did have the thought that it seemed like an awfully huge amount of yeast to be adding. So, after this machine starts working its kneading magic and I resume my cleaning duties, bam, it hit me. In just a few very short minutes and two rooms over it smelled like I was in a brewery. Or, at least I imagine that is what one would smell like? Okay, so I had at least tripled the amount of yeast I added in comparison to what the EXACT measurements of the recipe stated. So, that smelly ball of dough has been thrown away. I can't even attempt to make a second batch as I used allllll of the yeast I had. Imagine that. ugh!
And, the reason all of my plans have been derailed for today is that....not only is Evan not 100% yet (poor baby).......but, Scott has a stomach bug. I am not believing this!!!! So, all plans and appointments have been cancelled today. This is getting eerily repetitive.
Friday, March 6, 2009
{prayer requests}
But, first, another little one and family in our church is facing a very stressful time. Philip and Kelly Darr's sweet & precious Lizzie Kate had a fall striking her head about two weeks ago. She was watched and no problems or concerns surfaced. A few nights ago Kelly was washing her hair and noticed an area on her head that was soft and mushy. They called the MD and was told that it was likely a hematoma and to notify him/her if she began running a temperature. The following day, she did. X-rays revealed a skull fracture and a hematoma containing a blood pocket. She was also on the verge/beginning stages of pneumonia. It looked as though the blood was possibly dissolving on its own, if not, surgery would be needed. I have heard that they traveled to Children's yesterday to meet with a neurosurgeon (but, I am not certain about that detail) as I also heard/read they were awaiting a call back. Regardless, we are praying that the blood absolutely dissolves on its own and Lizzie Kate has absolutely no problems with this. Also, for mom and dad as these situations can be trying in so many ways.
And, here is the latest update I received regarding my cousin Jimmy.......they are still in need of alot of prayer as the road ahead still seems very long......
Well guess what...the doctor made it in before midnight today. He got here about 8:30 and said that Jimmy's chest sounded good and that his blood levels are good as well. I think it is the PT level but so many terms are thrown around I may have that wrong. We still do not have a reading on the Echo and I believe the word "incompetence" was used by the doctor to describe the fact that it has not been read now 4 days later. Unfortunately, he will still not let Jimmy out of ICU. His neurologist is supposed to come see him tomorrow and he "might" get to go to a private room after that. PT came and got him out of bed today for the first time and had him sit in a chair. I wasn't thrilled that it was "my chair" but I guess I will have to cut him some slack. ;-) Jimmy was very weak, very shaky, and in immense pain while trying to maneuver.
The pain team was also in today and they developed a compound for Jimmy's feet to try and help with the neuropathic pain. It is made with Ketamine which they said was a club drug...but as long as he doesn't eat the lotion we are safe. (I'm kidding of course) It is supposed to take the pain level down a notch or two. Jimmy could not feel me touching his left foot at all on the bottom but had immense pain if I touched the outside of his foot or anywhere on his right foot.
Hopefully the neurologist will come by and we can see what he says about getting Jimmy to a regular room. I think it would help him a lot to be able to take a warm shower although I don't think he is strong enough for that at this point. I will update more as I know it.
Natalie
And, although this next request is completely minor in relation to the two above.....but, Evan is still fighting croup. He is sleeping better at night, but, he continues to have that barky-cough throughout the day. My mom has been unable to come over this week as we have to guard her from respiratory issues due to her history of pleurisy. Needless to say, NOT alot of work was able to be completed this week, so I am desperately trying to play catch-up in a major way this weekend!
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
{the critique}
{greens, anyone?}
Just know that my house does not smell very inviting at the moment. But, I am not certain he will survive until the cooking process is complete.
{unwelcome guest}
And, his visit has returned all to soon for my liking. To never see him again would not be a long enough. He has seemed to have become very fond of my youngest over the past few months. And, I'm not happy about it. I am ready for him to go far, far away and never return. So, whatever bug/virus he is, I'm ready to exterminate.
This is what his visit has yielded yet again.........E is still very sick. He sounds terrible. Still running a low-grade temperature and has a horrible cough. The fatigue has him down for the count.
On aside, the funny thing is, I can't refer to him as a bug, because it completely FREAKS Evan out. So, we have lightened the mood and on this particular visit, he is called Mr. Sniffles. He sounds innocent enough, but, I do want to squash him LIKE a bug!
Monday, March 2, 2009
{coming home}
One is celebrated loudly and with cake, balloons, presents, and laughter.....
One is celebrated quietly with incredible thankfulness....
One is somewhat bittersweet, but is definitely outweighed by the happiness of the day.....
One makes me forget how I did not think I could live through the eternity of those ten days....
One brought him to us....
One brought him home.
Today is our "Coming Home" day. DEFINITELY, a day to celebrate. We love you so much, N!