{praying for the glidewell family}

Scott has been in tears all morning. John, a sweet & dear friend, passed away in his sleep on Monday night/morning. He was only 40 and the initial thoughts are a heart attack. He was in great shape and so athletic, just one of those things your brain can't wrap around. The magnitude of this loss for so many cannot even be put into words. Praying for this sweet family!

{update}

just received an update that i wanted to pass along....e is being discharged now from fs. mom & dad will be able to drive her down to ach. her fever is still down.

please pray for a safe, calm trip and for them to find a very non-serious answer and treatment for sweet e! i will update here as i hear from m...

{the heart}

i was working just now and heard an ugly exchange a room away.

having grandma pat here since their earliest days has been a huge blessing to them as well as to me. i heard evan take that for granted a few minutes ago in the way in which he responded to a question gma pat had asked him.

i called him to my office and he knew. he walked in with sad eyes and slouched shoulders. i knoooooooooowwwwwwwww he said, before i even opened my mouth. "you know what?"

he thought for a moment.

could he possibly get away with it? was i calling him in for another reason? hmmm........

"you know what?"

"what?"

"evan, you know what?"

big sigh. "you know. i know. her." and he simply pointed back to the living room.

"what are you talking about evan?" again, he entertained the thought that MAYBE, just MAYBE I didn't know. I had not heard the exchange...of minutes before his voice demanding, not asking for Gma Pat to be at his beckon call. Ugliness.

He finally succumbed and confessed and promptly went to apologize.

The apology fell very, very flat. It was an "I'm sorry Grandma Pat".

I don't think she was in the room??

I immediately called him back to me. "Evan?"

"What????? I said I was sorry."

"To who?"

"to her, and again he pointed".

I reminded him how to give a heartfelt apology and the reason behind it. He promptly complied and delivered it in the right manner this time. And, of course, she had not a clue what he was even apologizing for.

But, not so fast.

Then, I saw the light.

Ugh. Sometimes I hate that. Black eyes, served-up double.

How many times do I casually offer an "I'm sorry" to Scott, the boys, my mom, a friend....or most importantly, to God. How many times, did I think they may not have noticed my shortness, or ungratefulness, or lack of sincere apology. I thought I had slid by or worst yet, just simply didn't offer it. And, the worst possible situation, giving it hastily in just words.

Point taken. I'm sorry.

{no words}

there aren't any.

earlier in the day, I took pictures of the house to remember our 2009 Christmas. That post seems like nonsense now.

my heart remembered minute by minute exactly what i was doing this day three years ago....saying a very, very tearful goodbye to my sweet grandpa. but, somehow i found smiles today as i stared into those sea-blue eyes in the pictures that stay at my desk. he is happy and at rest. i miss him terribly though.

but, then i received the devastating news that a precious young wife and mother, a girl i grew up with and have come to really know over the past 2-3 years passed away today. we had been praying so hard for her due to a recent, surprising bout with blood clots. she was coming home today, just in time for christmas. but the fact she "went home" just in time for christmas makes my heart shatter. i am so thankful of so many of our conversations. she had her priorities right. her heart was oh, so right. she was precious. she is okay.

but.........at this moment, i do not understand....well, actually i never will. her babies? her husband? her sweet sister? her mom and dad?

i just want to hold my babies. and somehow, i hope she knew what a sweet friend she was to me.

jill..............

{one more post}

when i post 10 entries in the time span of one hour.....know that i am avoiding work.

we didn't go to church today because noah ran fever last night. but, after he had a meltdown on saturday over my work schedule.....i gave him today. and, although very simple....it was a great day.

i am about to settle in for the night in a desperate race to catch up on the time I've lost over the last week in relation to work. but, grabbed my devotional. isn't it funny how it is so often written for us for the moment we are in?

This is by Zoe Elmore in God's Purpose for Every Woman

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

"I don't know about you, but my life seems to be getting busier and more complicated with each passing day. I'm finding it difficult to balance all my responsibilities and still find time to be refreshed, renewed or even rested. I've heard it said that you can't give away what you don't have, and these days I'm feeling pretty empty.

Every day I see people typing away on their BlackBerries during conversations and talking on cell phones while they are eating, driving or walking their dogs. We have become a society that is attached to some type of technological gismo every waking minute, yet most of my friends and coworkers will tell you that with all of this technology available to make our lives easier, they are wiped out. They feel as if they have nothing left to give their families at the end of each day. In all honesty, I have to admit that lately my life resembles what I've just described.

How did I allow myself to fall into this exhausting lifestyle, and where can I find the rest I desperately need? I believe I've discovered the answer to both questions in Matthew 11:28-29. In part the answer lies in the fact that I have been relying on my own strength as I pursue "spiritual activity" instead of pursuing "active spirituality."

Once again I seem to have it backward. I forgot that the Lord isn't interested in or impressed with the number of spiritual activities I'm involved with. Instead, the Lord is interested in my pursuit of ever-increasing spirituality. As I spend time reading God's word and praying each morning, I am able to identify the activities He is calling me to be involved with. Being obedient to His calling and laying extraneous activities aside, I can once again experience His renewed strength, refreshment and rest.

If life's activities leave you wiped out, worn out, and exhausted, I want to encourage you to leave "spiritual activity" behind and to purse "active spirituality."

Love that. And, yes with fall in high gear for portraits, it is a busy, busy time for me. However, last night I went to bed and actually fell asleep asking God to show me the activities He wanted me to pursue, and those He wanted me to let go of. I haven't got all of my answers yet, but, I am seeking. And, wow......to read this tonight.

AMAZING. It always is.........

{faith}

another devotional. i am definitely searching right now...and, this one hit me between the eyes.

Through Faith

"Pressed out of measure" (2 Cor. 1:8).

"That the power of Christ may rest upon me" (2 Cor. 12:9).

God allowed the crisis to close around Jacob on the night when he bowed at Peniel in supplication, to bring him to the place where he could take hold of God as he never would have done; and from that narrow pass of peril, Jacob became enlarged in his faith and knowledge of God, and in the power of a new and victorious life.

God had to compel David, by a long and painful discipline of years, to learn the almighty power and faithfulness of his God, and grow up into the established principles of faith and godliness, which were indispensable for his glorious career as the king of Israel.

Nothing but the extremities in which Paul was constantly placed could ever have taught him, and taught the Church through him, the full meaning of the great promise he so learned to claim, "My grace is sufficient for thee."

And nothing but our trials and perils would ever have led some of us to know Him as we do, to trust Him as we have, and to draw from Him the measures of grace which our very extremities made indispensable.

Difficulties and obstacles are God's challenges to faith. When hindrances confront us in the path of duty, we are to recognize them as vessels for faith to fill with the fullness and all-sufficiency of Jesus; and as we go forward, simply and fully trusting Him, we may be tested, we may have to wait and let patience have her perfect work; but we shall surely find at last the stone rolled away, and the Lord waiting to render unto us double for our time of testing. --A. B. Simpson

i have often half-heartedly joked about the clouds that seem to linger over our household, to the point that it has actually been embarrassing, as crazy as that sounds. as i struggle with what others that i love so much are going through.....i know that without so many of the storms that i have been in the midst of.....i would not be where i am now, be who i am now or know what i know now. it's much easier to look back and see it when the storm has died down because you can see anything at all when the rain is blinding.

i will praise you in the storm is sometimes easier said that done, but, if we can get there...the peace definitely overtakes that storm.

{intentionally disconnecting}

i have been pondering. which is not always a good thing. but, i have been trying to 'absorb' much of what i took in this week-end. what good would it be if i sat there and took it all in, but, let it stay in? i would completely be missing the point.

so, this afternoon as the boys played outside, i thought and prayed. and, although i've been down this road before...i didn't stick to my good intentions very well. so, i am making a concerted effort to disconnect in order to become intensely connected. so, despite the fact that i spent some time today setting up my latest gadget, it was within hours that i knew i would be severely limiting this relationship. several months ago, i purchased a 'smart phone' in an attempt to be even more connected than i already insanely was. well, i detested that phone. obviously, it was a lot smarter than me. i could never quite figure it out. and, it was waaayyy too sensitive. it called every person under the sun if i even bumped it. angela has overheard way too many conversations occurring in wal-mart. so, i broke down and ordered this one. well, this one, but in red. :) again, in an attempt to stay more connected with my office, my emails, etc. and, it's definitely not just the phone, but, this thing i am typing away on at this moment. computer time, ugh! of course, this is where i work, but, i play way too much on here too. i love way too many blogs. and then, there was my accidental membership to facebook. well, that's an entirely different story. my love of photography/classes/forums - the whole nine yards. it is where i do my devotionals. where i shop. where i read the news, etc, etc, etc. etc point made.

regardless, i did visit this plan as stated, months ago. i had great intentions. but, i fell back into this technical world ashamedly quickly. and, in all honestly, this world of gadgets and cyperspace is not a real world. so, after much prayer and thought this afternoon, i am redefining my connections yet again as well as my priorities and that never-ending to do list. i need to be "here" every moment that i can. not absorbed in the long list of other things i get lost in. and, 99.9% of those "things" that take me away are actually very good things. so, it has been way too easy for me to let the time add up without even being fully aware of it.

i know it will take major adjustment on my part, but the rewards for myself and my family will be great. i am SEVERLY limiting my phone time. when my family is home, i will be home with them. now, having said that - if it a call i need to take or need to return, i absolutely will. so, don't hesitate to call. and, honestly, when i do get calls, it is me that lingers on the phone forever. so, i've just got to learn to keep my conversations shorter. i am sure my friends will benefit from that also. ha! when my boys are in the vehicle - which is typically my chance to return calls, i just can't - unless of course, it is truly needed. and, i do have friends, who once i am on the phone with them.....i could talk for days. they know who they are. i am so sorry!

i just need to be MUCH more focused on the things that matter. so, beginning tomorrow, my alarm will be going off a little earlier and before i do the typical things to start my day, i will be starting my day with Him. which is another thing i have really let slide of late and although i do seem to fit it in, i just really want it to be the first thing i do.

am i the only one who has so much trouble with this?