{another goodbye...}

way too soon.  

I came out of church last night to many missed calls

and texts; as I was texting one of my cousins to see

what was going on....my mom finally rang through.  

It's NEVER a good feeling, because

you know at that point whatever you are about to learn,

is.not.good.   And it wasn't.  As I sit here and type it, I still cannot believe

it.  But, my cousin from Sapulpa had died about an hour

before I got out of church.  She had undergone a routine cervical fusion

on Thursday....everything had gone great.  Saturday, she suddenly

became nonresponsive, had to be placed on life support and had

passed away soon before the phone calls and messages

started coming in.

She and her brothers would come in every summer and

split about a 3 or 4 week stay between our house, my grandpa's

and my aunts.  She was only about 3 years older than me.  I have

not yet grasped it.  At all.  She had a heart of gold and no matter

what was going on, always had a smile on her face.

I saw her at another funeral about 8 months ago or so.  Last

night I relived that conversation over and over in my mind.

Today, I did not want to stay in the house

all day by myself, so I ran errands to get ready for the trip

 for her funeral.  Truthfully, I do not want to see my aunt or my cousins,

it is going to be so painful.  I'd honestly rather avoid, but I can't. 

My heart is so heavy.....