{writing it in my heart}

I LOVE this. It is from my Beth Moore study on Paul.

"Help me not to see You through the lens of legalism, nor others through the lens of judgement. Help me instead to experience the reality of being a new creation."

{I think I am enjoying}

the exhale portion.

I'M EXHALING.

finally!

I am starting to feel the changes.

It's about time, since I gave my notice in April and my last "official day" was May 31st. After well over a year of agony in reaching that decision.

When you take into account I did no contract work for the firm for several weeks in June, the entire month of July and most of August and the fact I scheduled very few sessions for July and August {only the have-to ones} AND I AM JUST NOW feeling it? That lets you in on how far behind and out of balance I was in every aspect of my life.

But, I think that I {along with the family} are finally reaping the benefits from that gut-wrenching, scary decision.

and, a few of those benefits:
*not sitting at the computer until the wee hours of the morning on a pretty much daily basis. which equates to = sleep.
*being totally caught up on orders {& sales tax reporting, whew!!}
*PLAYING with the kids and not having anything in the back of my head
*sitting in an MD's office {or my car reading} and not having an anxiety attack that I should be a my desk or knowing that means I will be up all night reviewing records
*cooking
*cleaning
*soaking in more of Bible reading/study
*starting a new Bible Study tomorrow during morning hours
*being caught up on edits
*not living in a state of "frazzlement"; i intended to make up a new word
*ENJOYING my family
*i think i'm a little more pleasant to be around by aforementioned family ;) although you may want to ask them?
*drum roll.......my billing for the firm is caught up. BEFORE the due date. I can't remember the last time?
*running errands without stress {you know, 'should be at my desk}
*the inquiries are still coming in, and I am only taking a certain "number" because I have to stay very balanced there as well or all of this is for not. I have learned to say no and have realized it doesn't kill me. And, the phone still rings.
*i am having a little more time to focus on me: diet and exercise. still working on that!

The list could go on....and much of the above will mean nothing to anyone but me. State taxes - that's a big deal. Billing - huge.

My sessions have been beyond busy of late - but, it's just a busy time. October is much more balanced. A few in November. Two weddings in December. And, NOTHING from Jan until mid-March in order to prepare for next year and once again, re-evaluate.

Happy girl!

{turn around}

to my monday, monday.



After I left my 45 minute estimated wait that turned into 1.5 hours for key programming only, stopped by the pharmacy and returned home - I had a fairly productive day. Yay!



Then, I picked up pizza for dinner, homework was finished and the boys and I have played outside since. LOVE this weather.



I also started a new Bible Study while sitting outside with them...Beth Moore's "Paul" 90 Days on His Journey of Faith.



I am likely the very last person on the planet to do this study.



But, WOW! I am loving it. Do not want to put it down. But, I have two boys in the tub who are giggling so much it is a clue to go investigate, a house that needs to be picked up (well, cleaned, but I'm only planning a pick up), a back pack/binder that needs to be in place for tomorrow and a whole host of other things that need to be done.



But, I think I'll go join in on the giggling!



Nite!

monday, monday....

*i am sitting @ the toyota dealership for the 2nd time in less than a week. waiting for a new key to be programmed. i purposely failed to document dropping my key into a public toilet last week. i'll leave it there. i wish i could say i did.

*keys are very expensive.

*very :(

{throwing in the towel}

more like, a load or two.

I got up and showered this morning, woke the boys up and discovered a very sick little dog with a kennel that was in need of a huge clean-up job.

Kennel cleaned.

Dog bathed and dried.

2nd shower for me.

Got the boys showered, dressed and fed.

{Scott had been having terrible nausea throughout the night, which is not uncommon for him}

Within 4 minutes of walking out the door.

I heard.......

"Mommmmmmmieeeee"

Evan had a very upset tummy.

We are back in our comfies and I pray it is all very short-lived.

It's Sunday. I should not be surprised. This is #3 in a row for illness.

{to: my friends}

I miss you. :(

{mark, get set, go!}

i started C25K tonight.

and, survived.

that's a good thing.

and because i had it loaded to my phone, i also got to listen to some great music at the same time.

that made it a tad better.

you know i detest sweating.

but, i got over that fast.

actually looking forward to day 2.

that's weird?

given, it was not that difficult being day 1.

but hoping to reallllllly stick with it.

{whirlwind}

I am way past dizzy.

Last week was crazy-busy. Too many MD appointments. A lot of stress with Uncle P's situation. Sickness infiltrated {it took down 3 of the 4 of us}.

Trial settled. THANK.YOU.GOD!

Rescheduled sessions due to rain and illness. Then.....on to complete sessions including a wedding in NWA and a 3.5 hour bridal.

Trial billing due and completed. Enough said. Tedious and perfect are great adjectives for that. Lets throw in late for good measure.

Looking forward to this week, I think.

It started at 4 am.

In the previous 2 days and next 14 days I had/have 13 sessions - 3 of which were/are weddings {one in Fayetteville and one in Eureka} with one of the engagements being back up in Fayetteville. Oh, and 1 or 2 newborns...to be announced. ;)

BUT, I say all of that.........to say that after all of that.......it is smooth sailing!

I'll be back on here when I can! :)

{my cold is back}

well, it never totally left. But, I think I'm relapsing?

Scott is back to square one with his. Evan is getting the sniffles now and extremely whiney.

Worst of all, I can't go to LR until this is gone. :(

The dx from Dr. W: "the crud."

{my uncle paul}

I laughed and cried at the same time when I saw this. But, so typical of him!!!

I lifted this picture from his daughter's fb gallery. I wanted to give a face to the name of the sweet man I am coveting your prayers for. 'Special' does not do him justice!

{hope}

praying for nothing but a miracle today.

{pleading}

Heaven hear my prayers!

My 'Uncle' Paul has received devastating news.

It's amazing how our world can be literally be turned upside down with a bout of severe pain, a CT scan finding, or a phone call.

There are countless anxious hearts this morning as we await the biopsy.

He is one of the greatest men I have ever known.

My heart is hurting and shattered.

Please, please pray for this incredible family.

A family that long ago, I claimed as mine.

{sniff, sniff, sneeze}

Nothing much to say except I think I'm getting Scott's crud.

Started feeling bad last night, worse today and of course....you can't get sick the week before trial.

I am trying not to panic.

Not good at all.

{amazing!}

hmmmm...

Last night I had about a 30 minute stretch of time in which I wanted to break away from my desk and read. So, I grabbed one of my books. {I typically read about 5-6 books at a time} This particular one I had not picked up in probably about 3-4 weeks.

I had dog-eared a page, so I turned to it. For me, that isn't a flag of a great find to go back to...but the place I left off preceded that page....it was where I was to begin next.

I promise, this is what I read...

God will always give you everything you need to do his will, including time. Don't live in a rush. Elisabeth Elliot

Do you think that maybe someone is trying to tell me something?

That was the very same quote I had read and referenced from my morning devotion. Two different books. A 'random' booked I pulled from one of my shelves with just a little time to squeeze in a quick read.

This time it was from "How to Build Your Home on Holy Ground" by Donna Otto.

Here are a few other things that I read for the first time, but had to "re-read" because they spoke out so much to me...

"Being intentional about your life goals, your purposes and your priorities is an important antidote to cultural chaos. If you set aside time to listen to God's specific call on you life and focus your energy on fulfilling that call, you'll be far less likely to waste your time on the cultural treadmill. You'll be living your life my conviction, not circumstance...and your life will be much more peaceful."

The next page contained a quote from Elizabeth Prentiss...

"If you could once make up your mind in the fear of God never to undertake more work of any sort than you can carry on calmly, quietly, without hurry or flurry, and the instant you feel yourself growing nervous, like one out of breath, would stop and take a breath, you would find this simple common sense rule doing for you what no prayers or tears could ever accomplish."

So stopped and I took that breath last night after I laid out a plan for the busy work weekend that lies ahead of me. Then, I stopped. I put a very late family dinner on the table {don't ask what it was, but it still counts!} and the conversations that I had with both boys {all three}, but especially the time spent with Noah after everyone else retreated back to the living room were priceless.

I am amazed as always. What are the mathematical odds of that happening as I own a small scale library?

No coincidence.

I'm listening.

and, learning.

{new description}

First, can you tell I'm having a difficult time focusing on the task at hand {aka work}. I make 50 posts in one day whenever I struggle.

There are only so many hours in which a brain can process the 'comorbities' of a case until it {the braiin} turns into utter mush.

Here goes....I ran across a description of a beautiful kitchen and she referred to the room as having "gorgeous clutter."

That is what I'm going to start telling Scott when I drag more stuff into the house.

"It's just gorgeous clutter!"

{i lied}

I just got a thoughtful call from TH - hair was in place for pictures. No gap to be seen. Thanks girls!

The End.

Again.

{snippets}

No pun intended. And, no this is not another post about my hair trimming disaster.

The world tilted a bit, I just know it.

But, now that I've mentioned it, let me start by saying.....

*sweet Amber repaired the damage. And, she assured me that it really wasn't that bad. I guess, considering what she has probably seen {especially by way of children's hands and scissor experiences}, mine did not take any awards. THANK.GOD.

*end of the hair saga.

*today is Scott's 4th day to be down. 3 with a migraine or headache {they are very different, he has taught me that} and this morning we were at the MD's office by a few minutes after 8 am - he has an URI. Lovely. I am realllly trying not to pull my hair out.

*let me just interject here, sweet Molly is laying at my feet. :)

*speaking of sweet Molly. She found her bark. Twice. We heard it about 2 weeks ago and haven't heard it since. But, she has started crying. :( I have had to kennel her more than usual due to Scott being in bed and me at this stinkin computer...and she's been bored and has had another upset stomach {finally figured out it was the new treats}. That is not a good combo when you are immersed in a report and she has been standing at the door for 5 minutes without me realizing it. Not good at all. So, she is not liking her crate when she is a mere 3 feet from me in my office and doesn't understand. Scott said last night, it's like having a baby that you know will never grow up. There is good and bad to that I guess?

*pray that this trial settles. It is sucking the life out of me.

*ww update: down 6.5# in a week and a half. I "dabbled" in the program before I went back online with it. Hasn't been too bad. And, the fact my jeans are fitting better - a great incentive.

*still contemplating that fast I mentioned. It will be painful. Very, very painful. And we're not even talking food!

*Evan is doing better with school & Noah is loving it. Noah found out he moved up another reading level yesterday. I think that was the last one. Very proud of him! Sports, not his thing, but academics definitely. Evan on the other hand...I'm thinking the complete opposite will be true for him. So far, we're off to a good start. Just missing them like crazy!

*weekend at The Lodge in November. Very excited. This is completely PITIFUL, but that is the first time I've booked anything like that since the kids have come along. I know that one of the very best things we can give the boys is a healthy marriage that makes time for each other. I'm trying!

*loving the weather! thankful for the rain!

*think I'll venture into the attic today.

and, from one of my very favorite authors...

God will always give you everything you need to do his will, including time. Don't live in a rush.


Elisabeth Elliott

Love that!

{there is a reason....}

that people go to school to learn how to cut hair.

Obviously, it was not my calling.

It was worse this morning after we washed it.

It's a chunk. A huge gap.

I have no idea how I managed even that with the zero skills that I have.

Call to Amber.

We drop by today after school {THANK U MS AMBER!}

Although, it's somewhat like an amputation. It's gone.

So, I may resort to some product to glue the 'comb over' in place.

My six-year-old is sporting a comb over thanks to me.

You know, I was soooo lucky that neither of my boys ever cut their hair.

I would cringe when other moms would share their stories.

There was no need....

they have me!

th: it feels good to know i'm not alone, sc: PLEASE make sure his comb over is combed over, and jl: oh, i totally remember the less is more that you told me. after the fact.

I'm retiring. Will leave it to the girls who know what they're doing!

Poor guy!

Kindergarten pictures.

{paging all pto friends....}

ugh, about friday's school pictures.

If you are helping out, could you assist with E's hair?

I decided to trim his bangs.

MISTAKE.

big.

I am calling Amber tomorrow on an emergency basis.

Obviously, I flunked my hair cutting tutorial by SC's pool this summer.

I just made my first F.

oh.my.

why?????

{fall is....}

still in the attic! drats!

Today realllllllly felt fall-ish with actual R.A.I.N. gently streaming down all day. So, I think I am finally rounding the corner.

I spied some cute little fall decor in WM this morning and it kind-of jumped in my basket. Well, two did to be perfectly honest, but one is a gift. A very late gift, but, a gift nonetheless.

I decided I would climb into the attic and make it a little festive in here.

Nope. Four-wheeler parked in front of the ladder.

Fall will be arriving another day here.

{struggling here}

I have been in a constant struggle all weekend, but particularly today.

The domestic side is trying to squash the working girl.

Deadlines for trial are looming in a monstrous way....BUT I want to work in the yard {did that a tad}, plant for fall, bake {did that too by way of spice cupcakes with cream cheese icing - Evan was be-YOND excited}, clean out closets, actually finish the laundry, bathe the dog, dust; not to mention roll around in the floor with the boys, read a book in the tree house, pack lunches for tomorrow.

It's almost primal. Crazy!!

I have fought it and lost off and on all day.

But now I'm off to shower the grass out of my hair so I can exchange records with our other nurse in GW. I have a feeling I will be fighting it all.night.long.

{oink, oink}

Oh, I can't believe I almost forgot to blog this! But, I was just talking to Ang and she asked how "going to school" was going for Evan now that we are a few weeks in.

Then, I remembered.

He woke up very, very sick today. I will give him the fact he did have a few sniffles. No cough, scratchy throat,etc.

He told me he would be waaaayyyy too sick to go to school this week. And, it wasn't just a cold, it was the flu.

The swine flu.

Wasn't Noah out for weeks with that last year??

Hmmmm......

{the last horrah!}

of our summer! A total mixture of emotions. It seems like we were just celebrating the beginning of spring on our patio. But, now I am looking forward to cool evenings to actually enjoy the fireplace.

The boys played outside today as I mowed and got my game plan figured out for this mess of a yard! It has been sorely neglected over the past couple months. It's sad really.

After the boys played in the sand and on the swingsets,I let them play in the water hose one last time. It was already too cold for Evan, but Noah was all shivering giggles.

We are filtering the pool for the last time, still unsure if we will take it down or leave it up. Regardless, it has to be cleaned. I delegate that one!









Welcome Fall!

{fast}

I am seriously contemplating a major fast for myself.

Not in a spiritual sense, or I wouldn't be "discussing" it here. Although, I am certain it would clearly spill over.

But, in a materialistic way.

I know I will not be able to do it without prayer for sure.

It would be a tough span of time, but I am positive the rewards on the 'other side' would be immeasurable.

I'll keep you posted!

{oops!}

wrong blog!

{so glad i did!}

I took a break from my desk and drove to Tuskahoma, OK last night for a Casting Crowns concert. So worth it! It was incredible to sit under the stars and take it all in. Such a beautiful night. Evan fell asleep in my arms and Noah settled in right next to what room was left in my chair. All three of us in a lawn chair, ha! Daddy was there, but they were just both wanting some mommy time. And, it worked out perfectly for Scott as it was an outdoor amphitheater, so we intentionally sat away from it with no trouble at all for him. {given, he had his ear plugs and headset on, but we've avoided or had to leave other situations with even those}

They are my very favorite group - their songs do not contain alot of "fluff" and send a amazing message {especially to our churches!} I think it's night the little guys will not forget. The hour and a half was over before we knew it!

They just happen to be in my kitchen now.

Well, in my CD player. I think I'll go wake them up for the day!

(happenings}

*yesterday was uneventful until the afternoon, then I call from Angela and little bit had been a direct admit from ped's office for surgery. what?? that's what we all were saying? after a very quick trip by walmart for goodies she could play with, I headed up. The surgeon decided to wait until this morning to get antibiotics on board. otherwise, she just stole the show, as usual! love her!
*in fact, I think it was the day of medical issues with my friends children? 3 to be exact?
*surgery went very well this morning. Thanks to all of my friends who have texted and followed up on her. I was only able to tell a few things happened so quickly, but the prayers are definitely appreciated!
*we are all now home and it just feels so good that if feels so great outside! this weather is beyond beautiful!
*cinnamon cider is burning. :)
*have done a little cooking today, nice. now we are about to tackle a brisket. yum!
*in light of above, I started WW yesterday. So, I may have a taste. :(
*boys are snuggled with Molly watching Camp Rock 2.
*we have a stray cat. I may be calling SC?
*I bought mums today. My first purchase for fall. That may be it considering I pretty much lost everything to the heat.
*although it will be a working weekend for me, I am looking forward to taking several "breaks".

Happy Saturday!

{catching up}

A sweet belated happy actual birth "day" wish for EW! This little guy just makes me smile!

We made it to Scott's MD appt today despite me sitting in the car talking with an attorney. When that was over I bought some new books for my nightstand. Because my nightstand is where they will stay until October. :( but, it's something to look forward to, I can't wait to crack them open!!!

*Hurry Less, Worry Less by Judy Christine {ha!}
*It Starts at Home
*Your Boy by Vicki Courtney

and a new 2011 planner. My Wal-mart temporary one is falling apart already.

I did some fall browsing, but bought nothing for fall? Christmas is screaming at me though?

We will miss our first music lessons tonight - they begin at 7 pm but so does a telephone conference.

No one to be mad at other than myself! ugh!

addendum: for the sake of full disclosure, I did my shopping while he was at OT. When I reread that, it made no sense?

{guardrails}

Wow.

I have been listening to a series by Andy Stanley called Guardrails. I highly, highly recommend it.

Since I would be at my computer all night, I decided to listen to my next sermon.

Hmmmm......He never ceases to amaze me.

Next in the series.......Friendships.

Right now, I am BLESSED to be surrounded by an incredible group of ladies. I am very, very thankful. The contrast between some friendships that recently disintegrated is like black and white. There is a huge difference between surface friendships and those that are very solid and to the core that uplift and hold you accountable. THAT is true friendship defined.

I have struggled with two friendships in a tremendous way over the past year. I have sought counsel {many times}, I have prayed, I have apologized, I have forgiven, I have agonized, I have felt relief, I have been immersed, I have been removed, I have been in grief, I have been protected.

The list could go on and on....I have experienced it all.

It is based on Prov 13:20
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

My a-ha moment.

I have sought so much counsel over what to do next. And, it was here all along.

Some highlights that I want to recall include the following, but if you are struggling with any friendship.....PLEASE go listen to this series. It is incredible.

*the choices a friend makes is contagious and will absolutely impact those in close proximity
*the definition of a fool: a fool knows the difference between right and wrong but doesn't care.
*when you are a companion of a fool you will eventually be impacted by the shrapnel of the explosion of their life.
*when we get warnings from our spouses, other friends, etc (and, I did!) we counter it by explaining that we will never partake in their bad choices. We are trying to help. We need to know the difference between a dangerous companionship versus compassion for that person.
*it should scare us to death to have friendships in which they are consistently making bad choices. Even if we never adopt their lifestyle....if they are not concerned about their life, they are certainly not concerned about ours. They will not be building us up and they are tearing theirs down.
*this was a light bulb moment for me......."the Bible says, do not try to correct a fool." THEY DO NOT CARE. Most of us have experienced this in a friendship. They live their life as though today is not connected to tomorrow, or next year or 3 years from now. There is a difference between trying to help navagate someone through bad decisions, pain, etc. and going down with the ship.
*the faces that come to mind. Take heed.

I do not want this to come across as trite or without care and concern. But, I have personally experienced that shrapnel from lives exploding and imploding. I beat myself up. I couldn't figure out how I could not help them. I mourned the loss of a loosely defined friendship. And in light of events that occurred over the last 24 hours - this message gave me tremendous relief. I didn't know how to "break away" as I felt like I was being mean, deserting them, giving up, etc.

But, I learned that as they crash over the guardrail, I need to keep myself strong to help them if that is even an opportunity at all. Christ had compassion, but, guidelines and guardrails were given to us for a reason.

Seriously, google that series...it is wonderful!!! I can't say it enough.

{an ANSWERED prayer!}

my sweet friend jessica has a baby on the way.

it made my day! {& beyond}

i am beyond thrilled for them....

please keep them in your prayers.

march will be an amazing month!

what a happy day!

{in the midst of}

how crazy my desk is right now.

how late i will be up tonight.

will i go to bed?

the numerous phone calls to attorney and from attorney today.

our prep via phone that begins tomorrow and will last off and on through her 6 hour drive.

i do have something to look forward to tonight.

family dinner.

my crock pot is simmering with chicken supreme.

my house reeks of a mixture of collard greens and mustards {for evan}

i know, i know?

it's his favorite.

next to salad with vinegar and olive oil.

i know?

i think the Ree {PW} is invited by way of mashed potatoes.

noah has a crush on ree i think.

and, i will allow all of us to have a stiff drink.

of, coca-cola.

that will thrill the boys.

it's always a treat when not accompanied by a happy meal.

it's a nice something to look forward to.

so, although i am COMPLETELY kicking myself for allowing this to happen again...

i'm taking a break come 6.

oh!

i am really going to live it up!!

happy hour will be calling our name at pick-up time.

i'm thinking a route 44 of something.

for the boys, blue coconut slushes.

i"ll choose to forget the last incident in the car with a slush.

it will be a good night

despite........

{a first}

I had to phone E's teacher on the way to school today as he was so distraught about the kissing issues. It still sounds very strange. But, he is so terrifed HE will be the one to get in trouble and he is not liking his friends teasing him about it. He did not trust himself with giving her my note and she does not check the folders until after lunch. He didn't think he would survive that long.

Here we go! I'm so anxious to pick him up today in hopes his day was better.

He is about ready to resign from his school career......