{a narrative, part I}

Today, on my second trip into Wal-Mart (for a prescription pick-up), I got quite happy in the bubble bath aisle.

It is slowly dawning on me that life is about to be very different around here. I'm almost afraid to think that, let alone type it out loud. But, there is some relief around the bend. I may actually be able to take an occasional bubble bath without the deafening thoughts that I should be at my computer. Working.

I'm so excited. It's been a long time coming and I will admit, I'm still a little nervous about it all. But, not a frightening nervous really. Just a more anticipatory nervous I guess.

Here is the deal. I have worked 1-3 "tax paying" jobs at a time since I was 14. I babysat prior to that. When Noah was a little over a year old, I took a huge step and left an incredible company, an incredible job to do some contract work for the law firm. It wasn't a difficult decision to make, I could not wait to be home with him and knowing I had a little cushion to fall back on with the law firm did make it a tad easier. On the flip side, I had worked long and hard to get to the position I was at, I was leaving behind an incredible salary and incredible benefits. But, there wasn't much of a career v. maternal struggle. After I gave my notice, I was pulled outside on the balcony one afternoon and had a supervisory position {which equated to HUGE in the career equation for that particular company} dangled in front of my face. I didn't let that door hit me on the way out.

Things seemed ideal. I worked very little. I was mom in every capacity. Noah was a very, very ill baby - so, I was the one who was finally able to care for him 100% without the worries of calling in family, calling in to a job, etc. I was grateful for a husband that worked so hard to afford that luxury for us and grateful to God for all of his provisions. I didn't take it for granted.

Then, fast forward to the wreck. Life as we knew it turned upside down. We managed to float along with me on bed rest with Evan and Scott dealing with constant migraines and everything else this closed head injury brought along. About the time it was truly sinking in that this would very likely be a life-long struggle with Scott we hit rock bottom financially as well. Our Cobra premiums alone were $1023 per month. However, another door was opened and the hours at the law firm started pouring in for me and allowed me to supplement a fraction of what we had lost. Scott kept pushing himself to get back to work despite what the physicians were telling us.....one of the main reasons......the health insurance for Noah. At that time, his condition had not stabilized at all.

It was at that time I entered full-fledged, hyper-survival mode. We knew he wasn't going back to work. Or, at least the rest of us knew, yet, he refused to file for disability because he was going back to work.

It was rough. And, scary.

Without going into the daily monotony of the workload(s), the endless MD appointments, the legal massacres, etc.........and just the simple fact that our family was not the family that was in place the morning Scott left for work on February 6, 2004 as we were all very different now -my role changed in a way I wasn't really comfortable with. But, there was no other choice. The entire time, I was extremely grateful for my education, my job, my employers. And, I would do whatever it would take, and I did - not so gracefully at times, but, I limped along. And, during all of that, I tried to spare Scott the stress of "behind the scenes" as he had more on his plate than he could handle already. So, I put on my brave face, wore my knees out and just went on doing what needed to be done.

Fast forward again.......

(part II to be continued)