{i can feel the winds....}

of change.

I'm not certain how I will get through this post without bawling like a baby. 

I did into the late hours last night and have been on the verge all day. 

Yesterday was one of those drop-everything-and-go-kind-of-days; no matter

what you had screaming at you from your calendar. 

I'm glad I dropped and ran.  Because the blessing I received was so much 

bigger than the very small thing I had done.  It was clearly not about that.

I have a sweet, sweet friend.  She is a tad older than I am but we really connected

years ago when we worked together.  It's the kind-of friendship that can go months and

months without a conversation, but the moment you see each other or talk it is truly 

as if no time has passed.  VERY low-maintenance.  VERY dear to each of our hearts. 

They moved here from California and have very little to no family left here.  As young

as we were, years ago, they chose Scott & I to care for their three young daughters if 

anything were to ever happen to them.   I love them dearly.

When he was diagnosed with a devastating cancer a few years ago, my heart was shattered

for them.  I knew the odds, they knew the odds.  But, I also knew he was strong, as was she.

Fast forward a bit.....he has gone through EXTENSIVE treatment in an effort to beat this. 

He only wants to see his girls graduate.  His youngest is a junior in high school, his middle

graduated from nursing school a year ago and gets married in August and his oldest

graduates from college next Saturday.  

He is in the hospital again.   Yesterday he had to undergo a scope and of course, the worst

was suspected.  I saw a simple post his wife had put on FB.  She was waiting {alone I suspected} as he was going into his procedure and she was in the waiting room freezing in shorts and 

flip-flops.  I could have replied in a post as I often do.....praying for you.   And, although that is

huge right now, I could have easily ignored a real need she had and gone about my already

overloaded morning.  Well, thankfully I didn't.  I threw clothes on.....no shower or anything and gathered a sweatshirt/jacket and a blanket and headed up.   By the time I got there, he was 

just getting back to his room.  To be honest, I really didn't want to see him.   You would think as a nurse I would handle things like that at least a little better than I do.  Well, I don't.  I think it

actually tends to make it worse.   She wanted me to come in and see him, I very hesitantly did. 

Heart broken.  It breaks it into pieces to see this sweet man like this.  We stayed a while 

as the nurse got him settled back in and because he was so medicated from the procedure {and, btw, he got GREAT news, no new cancer in the area that was suspected} she left with me and let me take her for breakfast.  In the midst of just feeling like a terrible friend for not being there more than

I have...........I saw little things that I could do to help her just a bit.  Of course when you ask her, what can I do.  Her answer is typically just 'pray for him, pray for strength for me or,  nothing.'  But, in 

knowing she had been living at the hospital for a while now........I quickly figured out simple things 

that she would never say yes to, but that I can do regardless.   

So, with ANY spare time I can find......I am going to focus there.  I think I get so caught up in 

"going somewhere" to do something big for God when more than likely it is right in front of our eyes; and, in my case, just a few miles away.    I'm trying not to beat myself up too bad and just get to it now.   I ended up spending the entire day with her basically driving her for errands and going with her to do things and make decisions fo thingsr in which he would have typically been with her.   I will be honest, at moments, I could feel panic brewing in me re: things I needed to get sent out, ordered, etc.  But, I trusted that all of that could wait until this afternoon.  And, you know what?  It did. 

When I got home last night, I realized in a huge way that I am indeed growing older.  Not necessarily in the way of age in and of itself but maybe in an awareness.  Yes, I've always been aware that 

we live in a pain-filled, sinful and messed up world.....but, I walked away yesterday with a more keen understanding that instead of being paralyzed by all of the pain, I can actually take hold of the true and lasting things that will reflect hope and peace regardless of whatever may be swirling around.  It made me focus and appreciate on a grander scale, even recognize in some circumstances, the blessings of health,  friendship, faith, joy and everlasting love.